saucybellum

Your New Best Friend!

2011-07-03T15:00:00.001-04:00

Today I had the TV on in the background and I heard this commercial...

Your new best friend will tell you look fabulous when no one else will!

Does anyone else find this toy unbearably sad? Not that I have kids, but I would never be able to buy this for my daughter and allow her to talk to a robot alone in her room.

How can this picture not make you smile!?!?

2011-07-02T15:02:00.001-04:00

Is it just me?

2011-06-24T18:10:00.005-04:00

On my way to work this morning I was stuck behind a Mustang that happened to contain two middle-aged, granola-looking folk. That felt like a contradiction, but what felt more like a contradiction were the two bumper stickers on the back of their 'stang.

Is it just me or does anyone else find it funny that while they promoted tolerance of all religions, they are simultaneously mocked one of them?

Does anyone else remember this?

2011-05-30T11:59:00.005-04:00

For some reason this song popped in my head on my way home from volleyball today. It probably had something to do with the fact that I didn't wear any sunscreen - and felt a little bummed about that.
It scares me a little bit that I feel as young as I was when it came out (...and it came out 12 years ago).

Happy Memorial Day, everyone! Just remember...WEAR SUNSCREEN!

For my mom...

2011-05-16T18:47:00.002-04:00

I had a discussion tonight with my favorite mom ever (it was a tough choice, but I figured that she deserved to take the top spot). She informed me that her favorite blogs to read are when I answer questions. Seeing that those are pretty much the easiest ones to write (since half of it is written for you and you don't even have to think of the questions), I'm going to give her the gift of the answered question tonight. I hope it lives up to your expectations, momzy!

Apple juice or orange juice? Apple juice if I feel like having an apple. Orange juice if I feel like having a tomato.

Are you a morning or night person? It is not abnormal for me to go to bed at 8pm. It also isn't abnormal for me to sleep until 9am. Can I be a mid-morning to evening person??

Which do you prefer, sweet or salty foods? Salty. Definitely salty. Although...there is this restaurant in Charlotte called Dandelion Market that has a chocolate brownie with a dash of of sea salt on top. It sounds disgusting, but I assure you...it is delightful.

Ninjas or pirates? Pirates.

Ninjas vs pirates, discuss. Isn't it obvious?

Autobots or Decepticons? Autobots....derrr....

What was your favorite childhood television program? So there was this one time where my family was in middle of dinner and I realized that the last.ever.episode. of Full House was going to be on in mere moments. Oh, I loved that show. My dad almost didn't let me go watch it, but I'm pretty sure he saw the tears welling up in my eyes and said, "Oh, fine...go watch it."
I mean, seriously...Michelle had fallen off of a horse and she had lost her memory! She didn't even remember that her dad liked to hug and that she was called "munchkin" by her Uncle Jessie! I am so thankful that my dad let me go watch it, mainly because I would have never found out that her memory came back and that show ended on a positive note. It was always questionable with that show whether or not it would end on a positive note.

Are you a collector of anything? Dreams.

If you could have any superpower, what would it be? Teleportation. Or to breathe under water like Aquaman (that seems like a super useful superpower if someone ever tries to hold your head under water).

What is usually your first thought when you wake up? Already?!?!

What do you usually think about right before falling asleep? It usually has something to do with whatever the last text or call was about.

You're given 1 million dollars, what do you spend it on? House, car, and savings.

Any tattoos or piercings? A white tattoo on my ankle and my ears are pierced. It's pretty hardcore.

What's the first thing you notice in the opposite sex? Their smile usually tells a lot about their personality.

What personality traits do you look for in a partner? Funny and kind. Both are musts.

Do you see yourself getting married in the next 5 years? I wouldn't be opposed to it, but I won't be devastated if it doesn't happen.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? I feel like I'm living in the place that I want to live in. If I wanted to live anywhere else, wouldn't I?

If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go? I realize this is super vague, but I'd love to visit Europe. Oh, yes...all of Europe.

Name 1 regret you have: Wasting time. (Yup...I've being vague again)

Name 1 thing you miss about being a kid: Not paying bills.

Name 1 thing you love about being an adult: Freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. What's funny is that now I'm an adult, I go to bed earlier than what my childhood bedtime was.

What's your favorite song of the moment? Arms - Christina Perri

What's your favorite thing to do on a Saturday night? Dinner with friends

What's your favorite thing to do on a Sunday afternoon? Catch up on DVR and think about how awesome it is that I had enough energy to mow the lawn on Saturday afternoon.

You're about to walk the green mile, what do you have as your last meal? Why do they call it the green mile? What did I do to find myself in that situation?? Hmmm...probably a TON of spaghetti and cheese (yes, with ketchup) so that my stomach feels so bad that I want to die.

What would be your dream job? I'm still figuring that out.

Which would you rather have, 100 million dollars or true love? I'm pretty sure that if I had a 100 million dollars, I could find true love...or at least the closest thing to it.

If you could have 3 wishes granted, what would they be? True love, 100 million dollars and, of course, more wishes...

Ever wish you were born the opposite sex? If so, why? Sadly, I recently wished that I was from a different country (something to do with work being an "equal opportunity employer"), but no...I've never wished for a penis.

If you HAD to change your name, what would you change it to? Regina Phalange

Do you believe in the afterlife? Absolutely.

On the topic of abortion, how do you feel about cookies? This is quite possibly the funniest abortion/cookie question on the planet. Magic.

How to not wait tables...

2011-05-15T11:33:00.003-04:00

Chris came into town this week for a visit. Not surprisingly, we went on a tour of a variety of restaurants around the Charlotte area. I was a little proud of myself that I had made reservations at a few places (I'm not really known as the girl that makes decisions), but unfortunately, the reservations that I had made had to be canceled for one reason or another. No worries, though...we made our way to a few of Chris' favorite places.

The first place we had dinner was at Cantina 1511, so I'm not terribly surprised that when we made our way to Wild Wing Cafe in the Epicentre the next night for dinner, there was a distinct fall in the awesomeness of service.

To be fair, I had already had a pretty intense day at work, sustaining myself on Diet Coke, almonds and a venti Starbucks iced coffee throughout the entire day. I have learned that living on a diet of caffeine and protein is probably not the best for keeping a positive outlook on life.

The waiter came over and it became quite apparent that he was a 18 year old kid that was convinced that he was meant to be an actor. He introduced himself by saying that we could call him either "Darnell" (or was it Darrell??), "short guy" something-or-other, or "black kid in the red shirt" since "we were the ones tipping him" (Isn't rule #1 in waiting tables that you don't talk about tipping with the people you are serving? I hate when people pick up the book with the check in it and say, "Do you need change?"....this kid was like 12 steps beyond that...). With a lack of caring what he was rambling about, I let him carry on and counted down the seconds until he would bring us our drinks and take our order.

It was agreed upon that we (Simon, Chris, and I) would order 25 boneless wings and split them. The guys were kind enough to order boneless wings, because I'm not a fan of gnawing meat off a bone. The server wanted to make a stupid joke about every single thing we said. When Chris ordered Ranchilada flavored boneless wings, he told us a story about a woman ordering them before...and then asked, "What flavor did you want?"
Dude. You just told us a stupid story about a woman ordering RANCHILADA wings.

That should have been a clue that our order was not going to be right. When the wings came, they were the good ol' bone-in buffalo wings. When the kid came over to ask us how everything was, I told him that we wanted boneless wings and he disagreed with us! Ummmm...no...I'm pretty sure we said that we wanted boneless wings. I explained that the guys would happily eat bony wings, but I would need a menu to order something that I would eat. He then proceeded to ask me how I eat fish if I don't eat things where I have to eat off of a bone. Dude...I don't eat fish with a bone in it...nor does anyone on the planet pick up a fish and gnaw the fishy part off of tiny fish bones. Idiot.

I had hit my limit on redonkulousness long before this kid started questioning my food choices, but the guys hit their limit when they ordered Firefly vodka and he brought them back a fruit salad, with a side of Firefly vodka. He was so proud that he garnished the drinks himself. There is nothing quite like a rocks glass filled with cherries, orange, lime, and lemon slices.

While the boys were picking chunks of fruit out of their glasses, I asked idiot short black kid in the red shirt (that isn't racist...he told us to call him that, well...not the idiot part) to bring us a cheesecake chimichanga. He asked, "The cheesecake?"
No, dude....the cheesecake chimichanga.

WHY WAS I SURPRISED THAT HE GARNISHED THE DESSERT HIMSELF, AS WELL!?!?
While usually there is a nice glaze of caramel on a cheesecake chimichanga, this guy brought us the dessert sitting in a pool of chocolate syrup and raspberry sauce all over it. Awesome.

When we asked for our check, he told us the story of how he just got a 30 cent tip from another table. He gave us a high five when he was telling us his belief that we wouldn't do that to him. I just have to say...although I'm a big fan of tipping no matter what, he is VERY lucky that Chris paid for the entire meal. There is zero doubt in the world that he was far kinder to the kid than I ever would be.

Other than that horrid experience, I had a great time while Chris was in town. I just won't return to WWC - Epicentre until enough time has elapsed so that kid has either been let go to "explore other employment opportunities" or moved to California to chase his dream of being, well...probably a homeless actor.

The Things I Learned in Texas...

2011-04-18T16:59:00.005-04:00

About two weeks ago I received an email from Emily that asked if I would be able to visit her for a weekend in Dallas. Who would say "no" to that?? Within 24 hours, she had sent me my flight information and I was very much looking forward to seeing her. I'm not sure what I expected of Texas; the only time I had ever visited was during a layover in 2001 on my way to the world's classiest city, Cancun.
Here is the list of things that I learned during my travels to the great state of Texas:

-Horse decor is king.

-Don't ever pick the seat in front of an exit row. FAA regulations restrict you from reclining in your seat, but the FAA has no problem with the guy in front of you reclining into your lap.

-I'm pretty sure that my future husband is in the Dallas-Fort Worth metropolitan area. There is a rumor that the second nicest guy on the planet (any man will have a hard time beating Mike Grosz for the title of "Nicest Guy on the Planet", but we've already established that in countless previous blogs) has a single younger brother that is just as kind as his older counterpart (who happens to be Em's boyfriend), but also has wit that would be "just perfect" for me. Even if this fella is a myth and belongs in the land of unicorns, I was impressed by the number of gentlemen that I encountered. And, really...what middle-aged 28 year old doesn't want to bag herself a gentleman that can throw down with some inappropriate humor?

-"Middle-aged 28 year old?," you ask. Oh, yes. A 15 year old referred to me as an old person. I was also told by Em that I should not try to relate to a 17 year old because he can see through my attempt at being cool. In my defense, I was just trying to engage him in conversation and ask where he was going to go to college. Needless to say, that night was not a good one for my psyche and I'm starting to think that I need to start looking into homes for older adults.

-Even though there is a parking spot right by where the shuttle picks you up, don't take it if it is under a tree. After your vacation, you will find that your car has more bird poop on it than there are stars in the sky.

-"Baloop" is a catchphrase used (in any and all situations) by Em's assistant. This morning she insisted that she was dropping me off at the airport as a friend and not because she had to as part of her job...which would lead one to believe that she was really dropping me off at the airport because it was her job to do so. Baloop.

-Aveeno Positively Nourishing Hydrating Body Wash (in the fig + shea butter scent) smells delicious. I suppose this really shouldn't be on my blog as much as it should just be on my shopping list.

-Everything that those Axe commercials promise is true. At one point, Em and I passed around Stephen's (or "Phen" as we affectionately refer to him as) body wash like it was infused with some crazy pheromone that we couldn't refrain from inhaling. I must warn you, though...if you attempt to buy anything in the Axe family of products, please put it in a nondescript container. With product names like "Whatever", "Snake Peel", and "Music" (I swear, I'm not making these up), you'll be hard pressed to convince a girl that you're not a douche when she sees them in your bathroom.

-Although it's breezy, 73 degrees, and you have sunscreen on, you can still get burned if you fall asleep in a lounge chair.

-Everyone is nice. At one point I was riding in a car with Em's boyfriend and his car died at a stoplight. Just randomly...the battery died. Within 2 minutes, two different cars stopped to see if they could help. I'm convinced that both cars that stopped were just leaving the same church service where they were instructed to love thy neighbor...even if that neighbor's car has died and you are wearing your Sunday best.

-You know that feeling you get when you're at a college football game and everyone is cheering for a common cause? I'm convinced that everyone in Texas feels that way every day about their state. It kind of made me want to buy a Texas state flag and tease my hair really high.

-As much as politicians try to push the issue, illegal aliens do not make up 82% of Texas.

-Baseball is huge and dads still go watch their sons play in a game on a Sunday morning (even when their son is 35 years old). Also learned during this baseball game? Disgusting bathroom facilities at ballparks are a nationwide epidemic and even if you're playing in the outfield and think there is no chance of a line drive straight to your nuts, you may be sadly mistaken (as we learned that a pop fly can also cause an issue).

-No matter how wholesome the movie that you're watching in your home theater (btw...Book of Eli still stands up in a second run through), if you leave the TV on Cinemax, you're bound to walk back upstairs after the party is over only to find that there is 140" of porn playing on your wall.

-It's not abnormal to wave at cows. They are whimsical and it is perfectly acceptable to pretend that they are not there to be eaten.

So that's what I learned in 2 days. I can't wait to go back to learn more.
*sigh* I can't deny it...my mind is a sponge and it's thirsty to learn everything that can be learned while on vacation.

I've got nothing to say...

2011-04-02T09:51:00.002-04:00

For some reason, words just aren't coming to me. Maybe it's not that I have nothing to say, just that I have nothing I want to share.

So...in an attempt to at least post something, I'm going to give you some of my favorite songs of the moment. Lucky you!

(I promise, I'll try to actually write something soon. I realize that this blog is kind of turning into my MySpace page....filled with music and random videos. And we all know how little anyone visits MySpace these days...)

I'd be interested to see if anyone can name every star in this video. Also, never have I thought that Adam Levine was THAT good looking, but who am I kidding?? The guy is hot.

This girl can belt it...and all while sitting, apparently!

For the life of me, I can't understand this video...but I can't get the song out of my head! Also, I think of Kristen Lervik every time I see the random girl in the Indian headdress (why is there a girl in an Indian headdress?!?!)....I don't know, maybe it's the eyes or something?? And does anyone else think that Two Door Cinema Club kind of sounds like Vampire Weekend? Oh, that's just me?? Okay...nevermind.

So, there you have it. Three songs I don't hate at the moment! What are you listening to?? Anything I need to check out? (Please, please, please don't say "Britney Spears"...)

I have a whole new respect for Tom Hanks...

2011-02-28T20:31:00.002-05:00

Not surprised one bit...

2011-02-14T05:27:00.004-05:00

Was there any doubt that Ray LaMontagne would give an incredibly painful interview? I love the man...I really do, but if you've ever seen him in concert, you would know that he's really not a "talker".
You don't have to watch all 6+ minutes of this video from the Grammys, I just thought it was funny that the girl interviewer was so awkward with him.
Girl: Where did you travel from today? (*Notice she did say "today")
Ray: Here. I've been here all week. (Hey, he answered the question...)
Girl: So you've been in LA...but where are you usually based?
Ray: The Birkshires.
Girl: Birkshires. I love the top hat. (She has NO CLUE where the Birkshires are...but she does like his impeccable fashion sense with that top hat....)
Ray: Thanks.

Awkward!!

A.D.D.

2011-02-13T21:35:00.001-05:00

Earlier today I was lying in bed watching a movie before I had to get ready for book club and I heard a door open. I was convinced that someone had just broken into my house, so I slowly walked downstairs with my cell phone in hand (you know, because nothing scares off a burglar/axe murderer like a cellular telephone).
When I got downstairs, I saw that both the front and back door were still dead-bolted, so I figured it was just all in my head (Sarah imagined something!?!? Shocker!!). I then proceeded to shower and get ready for a rousing discussion about the Holocaust at Kelly's house (yeah, that's apparently what we do for fun on a Sunday evening).
As I was walking out the door, I noticed that the shed in my (enclosed, mind you) back patio was open. This concerned me because, well, it is not a door that just accidentally opens. I closed it and went on my merry way to the Lake Wylie area.
After a lovely evening with some pretty spectacular ladies, I managed to let my wild imagination get the best of me. Suddenly I thought that not only was someone trying to steal something out of the shed, but someone was looking for a hiding space to come murder me when I got home.
At this point, I decided to get Julie on the phone (she puts up with my neuroticness) to stay on the phone with me while I searched the house.
I was giving her the play by play of where I was in the house, checking in every closet along the way. At one point, I got to the guest bathroom and saw a stack of magazines from when the "guest bathroom" was actually "Chris' bathroom" and I said something like, "Ohhh...I can probably throw those magazines away..." and went on looking under my bed and in the spare bedrooms for a murderer.
About 5 minutes later, Julie asked, "So...did you finish checking the house or did you get sidetracked with the magazines?"

I'm not sure why I found that so funny. Apparently, my friend believes that I am willing to risk my life to plop on the bathroom floor and read an outdated Details magazine.

Silly girl...she should have known that I would check the rest of the rooms for an escaped prisoner before I read up on men's 2010 fall fashion.

By Request...My Top Ten

2011-02-12T02:43:00.000-05:00

I was having a pretty in depth ping conversation with the one and only Ms. Julie Everett the other day (okay, it really wasn't that in depth) and she mentioned that she would like to see a blog about my top ten all time favorite albums.
Seeing that my mind changes like the weather, I can't make any promises that this list will remain the same for longer than a week. I have come to the conclusion that I should probably make two different top ten lists; one for albums that mean a lot to me and the other for albums that are musically phenomenal. But no...she asked for just one top ten...so here we go...

Amos Lee - Supply and Demand
This is an amazing album. Although Sweet Pea was wildly overplayed on that AT&T commercial, you can't deny that the other 13 songs on the album (particularly Careless & Southern Girl) are works of art. I'm trying my darnedest to choose ten different artists for this list, but I could easily say that his self-titled album is also one of my very favorite albums ever, as well.

Ray LaMontagne - Trouble
Let's not kid ourselves...the man can write a dang song. "Try to ignore all this blood on the floor; it's just this heart on my sleeve that's bleeding." It's an amazing lyric...and it's not even from the best song on this album! As with Amos Lee, I could easily add another one of Ray's albums (Til the Sun Turns Black) to this list, but I shall refrain.

Jewel - Spirit
This one is a little embarrassing for me. I definitely don't find it to be a musically genius album (although, I still find Absence of Fear to be a beautiful song), but I was crazy-obsessed with it when I was about 18 years old. I would listen to it on constant rotation driving from Wentzville to St. Louis and back again. There is nothing like a stupid 18 year old girl listening to Jewel while driving to the east side of St. Louis to the only club that would let her in at 18. Ohhhh, how lucky I am that I didn't get murdered.

Ani DiFranco - Little Plastic Castles
Again, this album is one that has nothing to do with the genius of the music, but more to do with what the album represented for me around 2002. Sidenote though...I did quote As Is to Thomas just last week. See? Still stands up.

Third Day - Third Day
There is no voice on this planet like Mac Powell's. I have loved Third Day since they first came on the scene (before they grew to become Christian rock royalty) and here's a fun fact about Sarah, if you didn't already know: this is my favorite band ever. They have yet to put out a less-than-stellar album, but with Love Song coming from this particular album, I have chosen it for my top ten.

Newton Faulkner - Rebuilt By Humans
I kept going back and forth on whether I lean towards Newton's Hand Built By Robots album over his Rebuilt By Humans album. It almost feels like I'm choosing which child I love more...it's impossible. I "chose" Rebuilt By Humans because it's the album that actually was the inspiration for this blog.
Julie: Dang, this Newton CD is GOOD.
Me: Oh, yeah....definitely one of my top ten albums ever.
Julie: Oh, you should blog about that list.
*Annnnnnnnnnnd....scene*
But, much like Ray and Amos...I would probably put both of his albums on this list. Dang. Jewel SO doesn't deserve to be on this list.

The Script - Science & Faith
This one is a little controversial (at least in my own head). It's such a new album that I am somewhat shocked that it has broken into my top ten. Obviously, I don't know if it's going to stand the test of time, but it is absolutely solid enough that I can see it doing so. I was a fan of their first album, but I feel like S&F kicked the crap out it.

Dave Matthews Band - Crash
Come on....how could I not have Dave show up in my top ten? Close contender to favorite DMB album would be Before These Crowded Streets. The whole thing really just brings back floods of memories.

Matt Nathanson - Beneath These Fireworks
This guy can't do wrong in my book. This album beat out Some Mad Hope for the simple fact of Weight Of It All and I Saw. Needless to say, I'm stoked to see what his upcoming album has to offer.

John Mayer - Continuum
There isn't a bad song on this album. Not a one.

Seriously...I'm still angry that I have to leave Jewel on this list. She really did mean a lot to me at one time...

Here are some honorable mentions:
Mat Kearney - City of Black and White
William Fitzsimmons - The Sparrow and the Crow
Tim Brantley - Goldtop Heights
Vampire Weekend - Contra
Tori Amos - Little Earthquakes
Augustana - Can't Love, Can't Hurt
Ben Folds - Ben Folds Live
Cake - Fashion Nugget
Garth Brooks - Greatest Hits (Please don't make fun...I still love it...)
Joshua Radin - Simple Times
Justin Nozuka - You I Wind Land And Sea
Eric Hutchinson - Sounds Like This
Matt Wertz - Everything in Between
Matthew Perryman Jones - Swallow the Sea
Parachute - Losing Sleep
Matchbox 20 - Mad Season
Kings of Leon - Come Around Sundown
Steven Moakler - All the Faint Lights
Jack Johnson - In Between Dreams
Jon McLaughlin - Indiana
Ron Pope - The Bedroom Sessions

I guarantee there are more favorites (when you consider that there are 10,000 songs on my iPod...this is a very, very short list), but it's now 2:30 in the morning and my brain is fried.

So tell me, what am I missing??

My past life...

2011-02-06T09:47:00.002-05:00

I saw this on SNL last night and I started having flashbacks to the last year at my old job. Ohhhh...how I don't miss it at all.

Can't you just picture this girl saying, "Sarah...you just have to do what you've got to do and if you need to sell your car and take the bus, then that's what you do. It's nothing personal."??

Seriously. It was like this on a daily basis. Long blonde locks and all.

I was laughing so hard I was crying...

2011-01-31T19:57:00.003-05:00

I can't decide if this is really, really funny or if I was just in dire need of a good laugh. Nevertheless...shoveling, drifting, shoveling, drifting...

Big thanks to Alison Vavra for putting this on her Facebook page. It certainly made my night!

Good reasons to stop being friends with people...

2011-01-30T11:19:00.001-05:00

Pretty good day.

2011-01-29T19:23:00.008-05:00

I have been in talks with Margaux lately to hit up a brunch place. We had gone to Presto after work and although it was quite delicious (how can a half price pineapple upside down cake martini NOT be delicious???), Margaux recently pointed out to me that there is nothing better than brunch:

1. Breakfast is offered.

2. Lunch is offered.

3. It is perfectly acceptable (nay, you are encouraged) to drink.

She had the brilliant idea of going to the Terrace Cafe down in Southpark (go ahead and click on the link to check out the yummy stuff they offer) and if anyone hasn't been to this place, you should definitely give it a try. I would venture to say that it was the best bruschetta that I've ever had (and I've had some pretty quality bruschetta).

After I got home, I asked a friend how his day was going. He informed me that a guy in the drive-thru* line at McDonald's had gotten out of his car to yell at the poor (probably 17 year old) cashier. When he yelled out to the guy to get back in his car to move on, the guy threw his sandwich at him. Classic.

After he told me the story, he asked how my day was going. The only thing I could respond with was, "Good. I had brunch with a friend and no one threw a sandwich at me."

*Why does it make me cringe to type the word "thru"? I realize that it's a "legal" misspelling of a word, but really...why did we need to change the spelling of a word?? We already have threw and through...did we really need to add "thru" to the mix? Was it just to confuse 6th graders??? And while I'm on the subject (and I believe I've said this before, so I apologize if you've already heard this particular rant)...why can't greeting cards put "congratulations" in graduation cards and not "conGRADulations"? Do you know how many times I've seen that misspelled?? There is nothing quite like seeing, "Congradulations on the new baby!" on Facebook.

Night at Alton's

2011-01-28T22:09:00.003-05:00

When I woke up this morning, there was a text from Thomas asking if I would like to go to Alton's Kitchen in Cornelius for dinner with him, Mike, Beth, and Rob. Since I'm one to never say no to, well...pretty much anything that has to do with red meat, potatoes, and wine...I replied with a resounding yes. Well, in my head I sounded like I was saying "yes" resoundingly...maybe Thomas didn't quite get how stoked I was about it via text; as he always says...texting isn't really the best form of communication when trying to portray feelings.

Anywhoozles, after getting home from work and taking a quick shower, I hopped in the car to go to this new-ish restaurant only to find out that my GPS didn't have it in it's system of global positioningness. At this point, I thought it would just be a quick call to Thomas to find out where exactly it was. I really should have known better than to call a man.

Although Beth would have given me a simple, "It's by the Harris Teeter on Jetton", Thomas started throwing out directions like, "It's on the west side of...." (I can't even remember what he said it was on the west side of as he had lost me at "west")

I believe that after he was informed by Beth that girls' brains don't work like boys' brains, he informed me that it was by the Teet and all was well and good.

The whole thing kind of reminds me of the times that my dad would talk to his friends and my brothers about our hunting land and he would say, "You'll come to a spot in the woods that's like a nipple."

I never understood that, but the boys always seemed to. I guess guys understand directions in terms of north, south, east, west, and nipples.

Seeing that it is Restaurant Week in Charlotte, we all decided to go with the $30 4-course meal. Although, the 4 courses were yummy (is it surprising that the twice baked potato was my favorite part???), the conversation was priceless.

The topics included (but were certainly not limited to):

-My new-found lesbian status at work (apparently, if you're not dating anyone and you have no kids, then you MUST be into the ladies).

-Speed dating (if you want to date Precious, you better sign up for speed dating in Charlotte...and ask Rob to come with you because he's really into that).

-Where to find the best lobster meat (in the tail fin; it's the hardest to get to and there isn't much there for the payoff, but it's the most tender).

-The sleeping arrangements for our weekend cabin trip coming up next month (I'll be rooming with Rob, but Beth said she had no qualms about me rooming with her fiance if I wanted to. I'm going to choose to believe that she wouldn't mind me rooming with Mikey because she just trusts me that much....it's better for my self-esteem).

-Thomas not going to be in town for Beth's birthday (yet again).

-Rob and Mike's 5K coming up (apparently those poor guys have to run half of it, stop in the middle to each eat a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts, and then run the second half of the race).

-The proper way to shake someone's hand (don't dominate, don't be weak, don't try to be gangsta, don't touch Rob on the shoulder)

I have to say that overall, Alton's was good, but the friends are what made the night fantastic.

I have a feeling that when I reread this blog in a few days, I'll totally be able to see that I've had two glasses of wine right before writing it.

I'm going to answer your question (as long as your question is one of these questions...)

2011-01-24T07:46:00.002-05:00

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
What an odd #1 question. As a matter of fact, I sleep with my closet door open...I actually can't think of the last time I closed the door to my closet.

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
Once upon a time I did. Now I really don't see the point...well, unless I'm staying at a nice hotel and they have quality shampoo.

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
Wait...where is my top sheet? Oh...there it is...on the floor.

4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
Nope. I'm no hoodlum.

5. Do you like to use post-it notes?
At work, yes. At home, only the post-it note function on my computer.

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
Sarah circa 2005 did.

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
Seeing that a big bear would kill me and a swarm of bees would more than likely just be painful, I'd go with the swarm of bees...and hope that there was a body of water close by that I could jump in.

8. Do you have freckles?
I do. A lot more on my shoulders than on my face.

9. Do you always smile for pictures?
I try to.

10. What is your biggest pet peeve?
Ohhhh...I have so many. It's too hard to choose just one!

11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
Nah.

12. Have you ever peed in the woods?
Unfortunately, yes.

13. What about pooped in the woods?
Thankfully, no.

14. Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?
Wait...isn't there ALWAYS music playing?

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
Gross. No.

16. How many people have you slept with this week?
What kind of question is this?? What kind of hookers fill out this survey?????

17. What size is your bed?
Queen (Is it weird that "Bohemian Rhapsody" just popped in my head??)

18. What is your Song of the week?
All Around Me by the David Crowder Band

19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Absolutely! Please do!

20. Do you still watch cartoons?
Every once in awhile I'll fall asleep to The Family Guy.

21. Whats your least favorite movie?
Star Wars (I've never been able to get through the whole thing)

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
Wouldn't me telling you be completely against the point of having a hidden treasure?

23. What do you drink with dinner?
Depends on what's for dinner. If I'm having dinner out, I'll usually have a glass of red wine. If I'm eating at home, it will probably be a Diet Coke or a glass of milk.

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Ketchup or nothing.

25. What is your favorite food?
Do you know me at all? Potatoes.

26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Father of the Bride I & II

27. Last person you kissed/kissed you?
You don't want to know.

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
I was a Sparky (****bonus points to anyone...other than my mother....who knows what that is).

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
Gag me. No.

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
I sent Julie a box of randomness and Chris a box of his sheets last week. Both of them got a card...but I'm not sure who was the last person I wrote to was exactly. Let's just pretend that I wrote the cards simultaneously.

31. Can you change the oil on a car?
I can swipe my debit card at Jiffy Lube.

32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Ugh. Yes.

33. Ran out of gas?
With my Grandma Rogers. I was 5 and we had to walk miles and miles (or at least that's what I remember telling my mom when we got home).

34. Favorite kind of sandwich?
Roast beef with horseradish from 131 Main (THANKS FOR LUNCH ON SATURDAY, MIKE!!)

35 Best thing to eat for breakfast?
French toast and hashbrowns or biscuits and gravy. Ohhhh, I want some breakfast.

36. What is your usual bedtime?
Lately it has been around 8pm. Wow...that's sad.

37. Are you lazy?
I try not to be, but I work really hard at work and when I get home...well, yes...I get lazy.

38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
I remember being a ballerina once and a clown once, but other than that...I'm not sure.

39. What is your Chinese astrological sign?
I don't know anymore! I'm so lost!!!!

40. How many languages can you speak?
Just the one....Spanish.

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Too many. Entertainment Weekly, Glamour, Self, Fitness, Women's Health, and...oddly enough...I'm still getting Chris' Details and GQ.

42..Which are better legos or lincoln logs?
Legos...because they remind me of Eggo waffles.

43. Are you stubborn?
I don't think I am, but I guess that's a question better answered by my friends and family.

44. Who is better...Leno or Letterman?
I don't watch either, but I'd have to go with Letterman.

45. Ever watch soap operas?
For a short time (when I worked nights) I indulged in The Bold and the Beautiful and As the World Turns.

46. Afraid of heights?
Not particularly.

47. Sing in the car?
Every day.

48. Dance in the shower?
Sorry for the visual, but yes.

49. Dance in the car?
Sometimes.

50. Ever used a gun?
Absolutely.

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
Hmmm...I think it was Christmas 2 years ago.

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Not at all...I think they are magical.

53. Is Christmas stressful?
Not when you make the executive decision not to decorate or buy presents for anyone.

54. Ever eat a pierogi?
I actually have some in my freezer right now! (Guess what mine are filled with...) :)

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?
I just had a pretty fierce lemon meringue pie at Christmas. I'd have to say that it's my new fave.

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Anything where I got to travel (I remember telling my grandpa that I wanted to get on planes like he did. He laughed and said something like, "You'll get tired of it.")

57. Do you believe in ghosts?
In some form, yes.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
I feel like you've already asked me this question.

59. Take a vitamin daily?
I tried. Failed.

60. Wear slippers?
Not since my older brother stole my cat slippers and shot at them with a shotgun in a (now in hindsight, pretty hilarious) "hunting" video that he made with his best friend, Brad. I was FURIOUS and actually cried about it.

61. Wear a bath robe?
More when I lived with people. Not so much while I live alone.

62. What do you wear to bed?
Ummm....next question...

63. First concert?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.....New Kids On the Block when I was in kindergarten!

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
Does anyone really choose Kmart from this list?? TARGET.

65. Nike or Adidas?
I've actually really come around to Nike lately. Their clothes are just lasting longer than my Adidas clothes.

66.Cheetos Or Fritos?
Cheetos on their own....Fritos in my chili.

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Peanuts

68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
I (very well) haven't.

69. Ever take dance lessons?
Have you seen me dance??? Exactly.

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
Is it sad that I picture my future spouse traveling a lot for work? Wow...I should SO not be in a relationship right now.

71. Can you curl your tongue?
Yup.

72. Ever won a spelling bee?
Close. I think I got in the top 5 or something.

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Absolutely.

74. Own any record albums?
I have never purchased one, but I remember very distinctly breaking out my mom and dad's Alabama album when I was about 5 or 6.

75. Own a record player?
Again...it was my mom and dad's.

76. Regularly burn incense?
Actually, I think I did at one time. Nag Champa. Wow...it would probably make me sick these days.

77. Ever been in love?
Yes.

78. Who would you like to see in concert?
I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to see would be Newton Faulkner. He rarely tours America. Anyone up for an overseas trip???

79. What was the last concert you saw?
David Crowder Band

80.Hot tea or cold tea?
Neither tea.

81.Tea or coffee?
Coffee

82. Sugar or snickerdoodles?
Snickerdoodles

83.Can you swim well?
I can swim, but not well. Beth actually saved my life at the beach....but I really just blame the waves on that one.

84.Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
I've never been able to master that.

85. Are you patient?
I like to think I am.

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?
DJ

87.Ever won a contest?
I'm sure I have...I just can't remember what.

88. Ever have plastic surgery?
I wish.

89. Which are better black or green olives?
Black...I hate green olives.

90.Can you knit or crochet?
There is a difference?

91. Best room for a fireplace?
I would love a fireplace in my bedroom.

92. Do you want to get married?
Someday.

93. If married, how long have you been married?
This question obviously doesn't apply to me.

94. Who was your HS crush?
*sigh*

95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
I guess if I actually make a decision that I want to go my way (which is quite rare), I suppose I would throw a fit until I got my way. I mean really, people...I never have an opinion!

96. Do you have kids?
Nope. Not that I know of.

97. Do you want kids?
It would be nice if it happened someday, but my life certainly isn't incomplete without one.

98. Whats your favorite color?
Black.

99. Do you miss anyone right now?
Absolutely...almost sickeningly so.

100. Did you watch American Idol?
Nope.

I'm a Hyper-Hypo

2011-01-23T16:05:00.002-05:00

Everyone has their favorite decade of Saturday Night Live.

Mine was definitely the 90's (more specifically, the early to mid 90's). It may have something to do with the fact that my brother would videotape* it on Saturday nights and we would watch it after we got home from church on Sunday.

I found an old episode of SNL on Vh1 Classic today and it reminded me of one of my favorite skits ever. I can't tell you how many times I've quoted, "You're the devil..."

So tell me...what is your favorite SNL quote??

*Ask my mom sometime about the time that my older brother videotaped an episode of SNL over the video of my little brother's first birthday. Ohhhh...I did not envy him.

Sarah's Key

2011-01-22T13:52:00.004-05:00

So at 5am yesterday morning I was able to rally for the last day in a 10 day working streak. I threw on my jeans and my tennies (YAY FOR CASUAL FRIDAY!) and was out the door. I had my half of a peanut butter sandwich in one hand and a Diet Coke in the other...I was ready to go. Wait. Go. Like...in my car. Where the crap are my car keys???

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

My mind starting spinning out of control.

Who has a spare key?...Everyone who has moved away.

Do I have any of my windows unlocked?...No, I'm a single girl living alone, that would be ridiculous.

How do I break in?...I HAVE NO IDEA! I'M NOT A FELON!!!

Ohhh, it's getting so cold...maybe I should huddle up in the tool shed...but then I may get high from the paint fumes.

Who do I call at 6am?...Well, who is the only person on the planet who wouldn't hold it against me for calling at 6am?...Stupid question.......MIKE!!!!!!!

After trying (almost comically) to open the door with a gift card for about 20 minutes, I decided that it was time to text Mike. Was he still in bed? Of course. But guess who was to my house by 7am?

When I got in his (thankfully, very warm) car, I started furiously texting Emily to ask if she could overnight me a key. Unfortunately, in my panic, I forgot that Texas is in a different time zone. After she woke up, she let me know that she would get the spare key sent to me that very morning.

That night, after Mike left me his car so I could get home from work, I got to Beth and Mike's and found a bathroom filled with every kind of toiletry item that I would ever need. They had tickets to see Billy Elliot, so it was just me and Sammy and a bottle of vino.

Apparently, I had fallen asleep while watching Comedy Central and Sammy woke me up around 11pm. I stumbled my way into bed and around 2am, Sammy was very clearly trying to wake me up to tell me something. Once I woke up, she went into the guest bathroom and started getting into stuff. When I got out of bed to check out what was going on, Sammy took me into the kitchen. I didn't realize until this morning that she was trying to show me that she wanted me to leash her up and take her outside.

Whoops!

My key was to Beth's house by 10am and Beth, Mike, and I headed to 131 Main before they dropped me off at my place.

On a recent episode of Cougar Town, Laurie made up a reason why she had to stay the night at Jules' house because she just wanted to spend time with her friend. Now, in no way did I purposely lock myself out of my house, but in a tiny way...I'm kind of glad I did. It was an awesome reminder as to what kind of friends I have and how much I have to be thankful for.

Camels can't hold endless amounts of straw.

2011-01-16T17:21:00.006-05:00

So lately I feel like I've been running and running (and running and running....), completely unable to keep up with life. This morning, I got in the shower to get ready for work (yes, I know...it's Sunday). I got out, I put on my makeup, I blew my hair dry, and I stood in front of the mirror....something didn't look right. No, it wasn't my pasty white skin (sadly, I haven't been able to get to the tanning bed for awhile); it was my hair. Greaseball.

I had taken a shower and forgot to wash my hair. Like many people, I have a shower routine. I have showered the same way every day for years and this morning I forgot a major step. So, needless to say, I had a two-part shower this morning.

Yesterday, my favorite thing that happened was my trip to the post office.

Once upon a time, I would avoid going to the post office on a Saturday, but who am I kidding? These days, I am completely unable to make it to a post office during the work week. I have had a few things to send to Kansas for awhile and decided that it was time to buckle down and get them in the mail. Along with things to send out, I also had a note from USPS that said that one of my packages that I sent a few months ago was found destroyed in one of their warehouses and if I came in, they would give me a refund of my postage, but they couldn't pay for the items inside since I didn't opt for insurance.

So after standing in a line that was going out the door, I put the boxes on the counter and handed the note to the postlady. She gave a deep sigh and said, "Let me explain something to you. If you send something, sometimes a 70 pound box can be stacked on top of your smaller box and get smashed."

I smiled and said, "It's okay...I've come to grips with what happened. I really don't need an explanations. I just want my refund and I want to send these things to Kansas."

She then sighed again and explained, "Well, I wish I could give you a refund, but since you didn't buy insurance, I can't refund your postage."

I, thinking she was kidding...and then realizing that she was very much NOT kidding, argued, "Wait...so what you're telling me is that I paid you $8.09 to take something somewhere for me and not only did you destroy the item that I entrusted you with, but you also won't pay me back the money that I paid you to get my item safely from Point A to Point B???"

To which the lovely postwoman replied, "Yes. Would you like to pay for insurance on these items that you're shipping today?"

Unbelievable.

It's been awhile...

2011-01-14T21:21:00.003-05:00

I haven't blogged in awhile, but I figured I'd ease back into it with a photo of my dear, dear friend Ali's NYE photo shoot that he did for some spread in some St. Louis something-or-other. Believe me, he explained it...I just can never remember (which is a shocker, I know).

I have had the same black peacoat for about 12 years or so (lay off me, peacoats never go out of style!) and I've had a note from Ali in my coat pocket for almost as long as I've had the coat. It is on the back of one of those tithing cards that they have in church (yeah, ummm...we used to write notes on the back of those and pass them amongst our friends...) and in Ali's very distant handwriting it says, "I love you. Like that agape type of love that they are talking about."

As I was walking into work this morning, I felt the note in my pocket and...well, felt loved.

Those boys can SING...

2010-12-09T18:11:00.002-05:00

Welcome to the first blog ever typed out from my iPod! Ohhh...I hope this works.

Last night I went over to Wendy's for dinner with Beth and Mikey and we started watching The Sing Off.
I think we were all pretty amazed at these fellas (so much so that B hit the rewind button and we rewatched the whole thing). I'm going to venture to say that these guys are going to easily take the whole competition.

The best thoughts come from sitcoms.

2010-11-12T15:14:00.003-05:00

"Kids, I've been telling you the story of how I met your mother, and while there's many things to learn from this story, this may be the biggest. The great moments of your life won't necessarily be the things you do, they'll also be the things that happen to you. Now, I'm not saying you can't take action to affect the outcome of your life, you have to take action, and you will. But never forget that on any day, you can step out the front door and your whole life can change forever. You see, the universe has a plan kids, and that plan is always in motion. A butterfly flaps its wings, and it starts to rain. It's a scary thought but it's also kind of wonderful. All these little parts of the machine constantly working, making sure that you end up exactly where you're supposed to be, exactly when you're supposed to be there. The right place at the right time. "

Here's Your Sign.

2010-11-01T08:10:00.000-04:00

I found some signs online from the Restore Sanity and/or Fear Rally that happened in DC....just thought I'd share some of the magic...

Waffles ARE delicious...

This pretty much sums up everything I feel about politics...

...and I appreciate that...

That DOES sound like something he would say...

The "Good People Vote Then Drink Good Beer" sign makes me think of Mikey. The "I Want a Sandwich" sign makes me think of me.

Being passive aggressive is underrated.

So do I...

I'm just now starting to realize that this sign is true...

I like that he likes all firemen, but only some cops.

The sad face is a nice touch.

Wouldn't it be nice if everyone lacked doucheyness?

I don't think I'm even part Austrian.

2010-10-31T08:50:00.002-04:00

For some reason I woke up this morning singing Edelweiss. I realize that's not very Halloween-y (Happy Halloween, by the way), but I figured I'd throw it on the ol' blog since I can't stop singing it. You know....why not?

Movie Videos & Movie Scenes at MOVIECLIPS.com

The things left behind...

2010-10-30T15:53:00.000-04:00

I've been trying to write this blog for almost a week now....I just haven't been able to find the words.

For the last few months, I've gotten used to coming home and either having dinner ready or having the ability to vent about my day...or (on really special nights) both. I've gotten used to waking up before my alarm goes off to the sound of someone showering (I'm actually thinking about paying someone to come to my house and turn on the shower 30 minutes before I wake up...it's a lot more soothing than waking up to a screeching alarm). I've gotten used to someone being around. I've gotten used to a much bigger TV. I've gotten used to a fridge filled with actual food (instead of just string cheese, expired yogurt, and Diet Coke). Not only did I get used to those things...I actually loved them.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that I may have some abandonment issues, but I find it pretty crazy that my life seemed to turn upside down the very same week that one of my very best friends...the friend that I have thrown everything at for the last three years...moved away. It really is crazy how much your life can change in one week. You can be headed in one direction and then suddenly you are faced with decisions you never thought you would have to make. I don't even like deciding what to eat for dinner, now I have to decide what I want for my life...without the person around that has the most insanely awesome listening skills on the planet.

Don't get me wrong. I want Chris to be happy and if moving to Kansas is what makes him happy, then so be it. Make no mistake, though...there are so many things that he left behind (which includes, but is certainly not limited to, the Notre Dame jersey hanging up by the washer and dryer).

By Your Side

2010-10-28T20:31:00.000-04:00

The sound that goodbyes make...

2010-10-23T10:06:00.003-04:00

I'm not going to sugarcoat this.

I have just experienced one of the top 3 hardest weeks of my life.

Best friend moving away: check
Organizing everything to be moved out of the house: check
Losing my job: check

I was really waiting for a stranger to walk up and punch me in the face.

The thing that has just absolutely floored me is the unbelievable support that I've received from my co-workers, friends, and family. I start to cry every time I think about the phone calls, texts, and emails I've gotten in the last few days.

I have some big decisions to make about where to go next, but yesterday it became quite apparent that wherever I go, Gary can't go with me. I first asked Chris if he'd take him (it's been well documented on this very blog that Gary has a crush on Chris), but with Chris kind of dealing with his own transient issues...it wasn't really feasible.
The next person that I thought of was my nephew Logan. He constantly talks about Gary and firmly believes that Gary is his cat. There is a slight problem with Logan taking him since my mom is allergic to cats (and likes to babysit her grandchildren), but I figured I'd ask my sister-in-law anyway. Thankfully, she agreed and last night I was able to call my nephew to see if he'd be okay with living with the fuzzy boy.
The conversation started like every other conversation that I have with Logie. He was telling me what he's been up to (he seems to be involved in some pretty intense 6 year old type stuff, I assure you) and then I asked him...
Me: Hey...I think Gary needs a home. Do you think that he can come and live with you?
Logan: (I swear, you could hear the smile in his voice) Yeah...
Me: Do you think you will be able to love him and hug him and be nice to him?
Logan: Yeah...
Me: Do you think Sadie will like it?
Logan: Sadie loves kitties!
Me: Do you think you'll let him sleep with you?
Logan: Yes! I leave my door open because I'm scared of the dark. He can sleep with me!
Me: Alright, I'll probably be there in a few weeks to drop him off.
Logan: Alright, I think we can do that. Here...talk to mom...

After typing all of that out, I can now see how I wasn't really able to capture how adorable my nephew was in all of his excitement.
So even though I'm sad that Gary is finding a new home...I'm so, so happy that he is going to be loved (insert me starting to cry once again here).

(And just so you know, "the sound that goodbyes make" sounds an awful lot like waking up to the sound of packing tape.)

Penelope Went Home

2010-10-17T11:46:00.004-04:00

So the little squirt has been discharged from the hospital and I had to post this picture...

AAAAAAAAAA-dorable.

Baby Pie

2010-10-08T21:57:00.004-04:00

Penelope Mae was born today! (I didn't mean for that to rhyme)

She's 5 lbs 5 oz, 19 inches long and apparently looks exactly like me (although, I'm pretty sure my mom and brother were just saying that to make me feel special).

At this point, we're not sure how long she'll be in the NICU, but she seems to be doing pretty well. She only needed a little oxygen, had a little fluid in her lungs, and didn't need a blood transfusion (I was told earlier in the day that she would probably need one).

Oh...and the title of this blog is called "Baby Pie" because my nephew Logan was deciding on nicknames for his new cousin and that's what he came up with.
Which brings me to the sidenote of the evening:
Logan sent me his first texts of his life tonight. My 6 year old nephew texts! I honestly couldn't be prouder...

Thursday Thoughts.

2010-10-07T19:11:00.007-04:00

I was thinking that the title of this post sounded stupid, so I just went with it. Why not...right?

Sadie...
As you know (well, as you should know as long as you read the previous post), Sadie fell off a chair on Sunday and broke her baby femur. They (I'm going to assume that "they" are women who have both given birth and broken their femur) say that on a scale of 1-10, childbirth is a 9 and breaking your femur is a 10. Soooo...needless to say (but I'll say it anyway), 25 years from now (give or take 5 years), Sadie will be able to birth a child like a pro.
The thing that haunts me is her little drugged voice crying, "I want dowwwwwn..."
At two years old, she can't vocalize that she's bored and wants to move. She just cries and says she wants down. Although, she may be saying that because she feels high as a kite, but still...the poor thing will be stuck for 6 weeks.

Penelope (aka "A New Niece Without a Broken Leg")...
Tomorrow, at 2:30 EST, Penelope Mae Rogers will make her way into the world. I'm convinced that she will have big eyes and red hair. The perfect combination of Jade and Zack.

Penelope is in there...

Zack's best friend Adam spent entirely too much time with his Paintbrush app.

Drinking games...
The other day in school there was a lot of chatter about nonsense (as there always seems to be). My two school chums and I decided that we'd make a drinking game out of it (or a pretend drinking game out of it...since drinking at 9am in school is discouraged).
Here are the rules:
Anytime someone mentions their child - Take a shot
Anytime someone mentions their significant other - Take a shot
Anytime someone says, "That's what I'm sayin'!" - Take a shot

Just so you know, within 30 minutes I had hypothetically ingested 42 shots. Needless to say...if we were really consuming alcohol, I would've been dead by 9:30am.

Stats...
I've never noticed this before, but when I sign in to blogger.com, it has a tab that says "Stats". When I clicked on it, it showed me everywhere where my blog has been accessed. I was impressed with myself when I saw that it had been accessed in Germany...and then I remembered that Emily was just in Germany for work. I instantly felt less international.

I love, love, love this picture of Emily (and a guy she stole a hat from)

I'm going to end it there. Not because I don't have any more thoughts, but because I'm hungry and I want to grill some chicken to deliciously top my salad.

Pitiful & Cute

2010-10-04T07:52:00.000-04:00

My 2 year old niece Sadie fell off of a chair yesterday.

My nephew described it like this, "She was playing and then she fell off mom's chair and then she did the splits and she broke her bone."

Apparently, when he was talking to my mom about it, he said that they wouldn't leave her in the hospital overnight because she's so cute. You have to love the logic of a 6 year old. Unfortunately, the hospital doesn't follow the logic of a 6 year old and she will have to stay in there for a little bit.

It was a spiral fracture to the femur and thankfully the doctor doesn't think there will be any long term damage. Of course, getting through the next six weeks with special car seats and a baby wheelchair may prove to be a challenge...

I honestly haven't seen such a combination of pitiful and cute in my life...

One week from yesterday.

2010-10-03T10:31:00.000-04:00

On October 9th, my cousin Dan will marry his longtime girlfriend Jenni. Since I'll more than likely be in full on aunt mode (which pretty much just includes posting tons of pictures of tiny hands and tiny feet), I wanted to make sure I gave a proper shout out.

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR UPCOMING NUPTIALS DAN AND JENNI!!!!

Since I love it so much, I have to also post a picture of some of my favorite people on the planet in some of their most heinous Christmas garb...
Man, this just makes me want to start planning an ugly Christmas sweater party.

Any minute now...

2010-10-02T09:09:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I posted a picture of my little brother grading papers, but I so rudely left out Jade (who has been stuck in the hospital for what seems like forever).

Penelope wasn't due to arrive until November 8th, but the plan is to bring her into the world on October 8th (unless she decides to cause even more problems).

These pictures were taken on one of the days that Zack took Jade on one of their walks around the hospital grounds. I believe this particular picture was taken at the top of the parking deck. Seriously, their options on where to travel to during these walks are limitless...

My favorite thing is that Jade said that these pictures show her pregnancy face, but really...her pregnancy face is just everyone else's regular face. I'm just she'll be back to her boney self in no time. :D

I feel old.

2010-10-01T22:34:00.000-04:00

I know that my little brother has been in college for about four and a half years now (he's double majoring...not just slow), but my sister-in-law just posted a picture of him grading art projects that were done by his students. I think this was the first time that I had a moment of realization that my baby brother is an adult. He has students that are actually learning things from him.
You have to appreciate that this is the first time that I've thought of him as an adult since he's actually going to be a dad at any moment. Apparently, that didn't trip any adult alarms in my head when he announced that months ago.

I have zero doubt that he's going to be an amazing dad/teacher/youth pastor/bike assembler (actually, I'm not sure if he still assembles bikes...but he has put together a few pretty quirky ones that would fit right in at an art museum).

Because I don't actually want to discuss my life...

2010-09-24T22:59:00.003-04:00

If you were to attend a costume party tonight, what or whom would you go as?
Not as someone dress in clothes from the 60's. Dang...I need to find an outfit for Monday's photo shoot. Did you know that dressing up as a hippie can save women from breast cancer??? Yeah, I didn't know that until recently...

What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger?
Ketchup, mustard, mayo, minced McDonalds-y type onions, cheese, pickles, extra pickles...and can you put a couple more pickles on that??

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
"Ugh. I need to tan tonight. Wait...what is THAT??? Oh, crap."

How much cash do you have on you?
Thanks for pointing out my lack of cash on me, stupid online survey about nonsense...

Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Angelo. He always calls at wildly inappropriate times...like when I'm sleeping.

What is your favorite ring on your phone?
The one that indicates that I'm getting a phone call.

What shirt are you wearing?
The same sweatshirt that I've worn every night for the last 27 days. It's really comfy and not at all ratty or stained.

Bright or Dark Room?
Dark. Definitely dark. Actually, I just decided that I wanted my work space to be more "home-y", so I had the handyman take out the fluorescent bulbs above my desk and replaced it with a lovely desk lamp. It's magic.

What were you doing at midnight last night?
Sleep is my favorite activity ever.

What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"So what's your status?"

Where is your nearest 7-11?
Probably somewhere in Tennessee.

What's a word that you say a lot?
Unfortunately, I've started to say, "Oh, heavens" way too much. I cringe every time I hear it slip out of my mouth.

Who told you he/she loved you last?
I just got an email from my friend Shana that said she loved me...it was like a warm hug.

Last furry thing you touched?
GARY!!

How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
Zero point zero zero

What is your current desktop picture?
Logan hugging Teddy

What was the last thing you said to someone?
Probably something along the lines of, "Am I annoying you again??" or "Do I talk too much?"

If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
Fly...nooo...a million dollars...no! Flying. Definitely flying orrrrrrrr...a million dollars.

Do you like someone?
I like a lot of people.

What was the last song that you heard?
"Tickle me and rub my belly...." (By the annoying purple toy thing on The League)

Wow. This was a short survey.

Freedom of speech for everyone...but YOU.

2010-09-18T11:34:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine got verbally spanked yesterday for posting something on her Facebook status update. I can't quote her directly (since she felt she had to delete it within 24 hours), but it was something along the lines of, "I am so tired of people complaining about not being able to lose weight when they don't exercise or eat right."
You better believe that I both "liked" and commented the crap out of that status update. How frustrating is it to have someone complain over and over again about something in their life on Facebook and do absolutely zero to fix it?? I have been tempted numerous times to comment back to those people, "Well, maybe you should get off Facebook and go take a jog.", but you know me and my big, bleeding heart...I can't hurt people's feelings (or something like that).
Now, I'll be the first person to say that sure, I have some weight to lose (along with about 75% of the other people in this country), but also...I would never say this on Facebook. Because, really...who wants to be bombarded with complaints when they check in to see what's happening with their friends and family in the morning?? I'm going to be honest with all of you. Sometimes I'll do dramatic readings for my work friends of all of the complaints that I find on Facebook. Yes...if you are one that complains on a regular basis...I have probably made fun of you (although, don't worry...your name was never used, since no one in North Carolina knows or cares who you are). I'd rather not give anyone ammunition to do something similar with my words.
I don't understand how people can continue to say, "I don't know why I can't lose weight."
It's simple. You eat more than you move. Now that you have the answer, will you stop blaming other things on the reason you "can't" lose weight?

So, back to the story...last night, Stephanie posted an apology for the people who got their feelings hurt.
"I feel terribly for the status I put yesterday. If you read this and I offended you I am so very sorry. I am very passionate about seeing people reach their fitness goals. I know better than to speak my mind on here. :\"

Does anyone else see a problem with this??
I say that if one person has the right to complain, then it also gives everyone else the right to respond. Sure, not many people like to have a mirror held up to them (and I suspect that is the very reason why Stephanie's comment hurt some feelings), but who said a mirror is a bad thing?

The grandparents that no one wants...

2010-09-15T16:47:00.003-04:00

There was a 70 year old patient that called me the other day. He was terrified (TERRIFIED!) of needles and small, enclosed spaces. Seeing that he needed to get an injection and he also needed to be enclosed in a million dollar coffin for about 45 minutes, I had the splendid task of talking him off his self-imposed ledge that he had managed to climb up on. It was a 20 minute conversation filled with him throwing out statements such as, “If you mess this up, I WILL find out where you live!”
I tell ya, there in nothing quite like a 70 year old man telling you that he’ll take you down if you “mess up”. How do you respond to that? Oh! Fun game! Multiple choice!! Here we go…

How did Sarah respond to the crazy man that threatened her over the telephone?
A. “Ohhh, don’t get too excited. I’m sure everything will be fine.”
B. “It wouldn’t be my fault if something bad were to happen!”
C. “I’ll give you a head start on where to find me. I live in Cornelius.”
D. “Have to talked to your doctor about getting some Valium?”

Alright…do you have your answer locked in???
Even though I eventually did ask him “D”, I responded to the threat with “C”. I don’t know…maybe I was feeling particularly snarky that day, but for some reason it worked. He stopped threatening me…I guess because he realized that I wouldn’t really put up much of a fight. My favorite thing is that within .34 seconds, I had the thought, “Do I respond to him with my address? Nah…even though I’m sure Chris would be able to take down this guy, I’m 100% sure he wouldn’t appreciate the fact that he would have to off a senior citizen for me. I guess I’ll just give him my city and let him use his magical powers to figure out my address if he really wants to kill me….”

The man walked into my office yesterday with his wife and asked, “Are you Sarah?” (be proud that I refrained from pointing to my name badge and saying, “What was your first clue?”). After helping him with his paperwork and getting him settled down for a bit, his wife walked up to my desk to show me something she saw in People magazine. It was a story on the Duggars.

Now, some people know this, but it’s kind of a fun fact about me that no one really finds that fun…
I heart the Duggars. I think they are the most amazing family. They live debt-free and all 19 of their kids are respectful and sweet. Michelle Duggar raises her kids with so much love…it’s quite inspirational (I know you can’t see me right now, but I actually just went to my happy place thinking about the awesomeness of the Duggars).

Anywhoozles, back to the wife…
So she shows me a picture of the Duggars and says, “Can you BELIEVE these people?!?! It’s just awful what they are doing!”
I inquired as to why she was so against them and I thought her response was so incredibly telling, “Well, even though they aren’t costing the government money, one of their kids will. I guarantee it! I always say that people should never have children, just have dogs. You can get a new dog every 14 years or so. Kids are around forever…and then they bring THEIR kids around. Ugh! It’s awful.”
I asked her after that what kind of dogs she has and she exclaimed, “OH! I don’t have any dogs…just kids. And grandkids! I’m telling you…don’t ever have them. They’ll come over to your house and mess up your stuff. By the way…feel how heavy my (gold and diamond encrusted) watch is. Isn’t it great? I got it as a gift from my husband.”

I sat there shocked. How can someone talk so nonchalantly about wishing she never had kids and grandkids and how she’d gladly trade them for a dog?!?!
Personally, I thought it was hilarious that she was trying to tell me that the Duggars were crazy. I so badly wanted to say, “Hey, honey…have a seat. Let’s talk about crazy. Your husband threatened me over the phone, then came in to my office and threatened me again. After that, you came up to tell me that you don’t care for your kids and grandkids and would much rather have a dog. Also, to show how little you think of your declaration of disinterest in your offspring, you handed me your Rolex to show it off like it held more weight than your words. THAT is what I call crazy.”

Of course, I can't say that to a patient (or his wife) and therefore, I just sat there with the same stupid grin on my face that I have every time I'm biting my tongue.

Dreams and whatnot.

2010-09-13T16:43:00.001-04:00

I had a dream last night that keeps bothering me today. I know, I know…everyone loves to hear about dreams (it comes in at a close second to getting your teeth drilled on at the dentist’s office). I’m pretty much convinced that only one person will read this, but here it is…

I was taking a test in class and it was half multiple choice and half short answer/opinion type questions. My boss was my teacher and after grading the tests, she handed mine back. I got all of the multiple choice questions correct, but I missed all of the short answer questions. When I inquired with my boss/teacher why this was (since I was quite sure that my answers were correct), she simply stated, “Because it doesn’t matter what you say, your opinions will always be wrong.”

So…please share. What does this dream mean??

I hate to break it to you, babe...but I'm not drowning...

2010-09-07T11:16:00.000-04:00

Happy Sara Bareilles Day!
Okay, okay...so I'm not a huge fan or anything. I generally don't care for girl singers (I'm sure I have some sort of psychological affliction that has caused these lukewarm feelings towards songstresses), but I can't stop watching this video.

Here's hoping her entire album (that comes out today) is just as super as this song...

Women and children.

2010-09-04T13:12:00.000-04:00

Today I want to discuss a few situations that I have come across in the last month. They all have to do with women and children and judging.

1. The other day I went to Food Lion. For people unfamiliar with Food Lion, it's like Harris Teeter's inbred cousin. For people unfamiliar with Harris Teeter, well...it's obvious that you don't read my blog very often since I write about the Teet every other week. Now...back to my recent trip to the Food Lion...
As I was checking out, the 25-ish year old cashier with a few missing teeth asked if my kids were ready to go back to school. I simply replied, "I don't have any kids."
To which she replied with a simple, "Uh ohhhh!!"
Go ahead and read her response out loud. "Uh ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
I promise...it felt good.

2. There have probably been 17 or so instances (most recently about a week ago) when a patient at work has asked if I am married, then inquired as to if I have birthed children. They always seem to give one of two responses after I tell them no on both accounts.
Either "Oh...it will happen before you know it!" or "Why not?"
My favorite is the "Why not??", like it's a question that can be answered. I'm starting to think that I need to give a, "My fiance left me for my grandma!" or just start sobbing uncontrollably.

3. A couple days ago a 20 year old friend of mine on Facebook stated, "I hate when people only talk about their kids on Faceboook...no one cares."
I commented, "I was thinking the same thing!"
Then an influx of angry mothers commented after that with such gems as, "Wait til u have kids b4 you make that judgment."
All that meant to me was that being a mother makes you too busy to type out words, but not too busy to not have time for Facebook.
I felt irritated that all of these moms felt it necessary to verbally slam a 20 year old with an opinion that the conversation stopped when I said something along the lines of, "There is a difference between talking about your kids and talking ONLY about your kids, you bitter wenches."

4. I believe I've written about this before, but there is a woman at my work who has told me multiple times, "Sarah, you don't know love until you have a child."
Needless to say, I am not friends with this person.

So this brings me to my question...

Why do strangers find it appropriate to comment about the status of my uterus usage (or non-usage, rather)??

The People You Meet...

2010-08-29T14:39:00.002-04:00

When you start something new, you are bound to meet a few interesting people. Mind you...I said "interesting", not "cool" or "awesome".
I started school last week and I found that there is a special breed of people that you will find in a continuing education class. In the state of North Carolina, a person has to be a certified nursing assistant before they are allowed to go to school for any sort of medical career. Needless to say, within this class you will find a wide range of intellect. Unfortunately for me, I'm taking a day class. Before I signed up, logic should have told me that a day class would be filled with stay at home mothers and people that generally haven't worked and/or used their brains in awhile.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm thankful for this class. I love feeling like a freakin' genius three days a week. Every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday morning, I get to go to school and feel like I'm being tested against 3rd graders (I was going to say "5th graders", but have you seen that show Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?? Those crazy kids know some stuff!).
The class is four hours long and this is the timeline of a typical day...

0830: Class begins. Someone will be talking over the instructor, but what did I expect?? Common courtesy was taught all the way back in grade school...the same week most of my fellow students got knocked up with their first kid.

0842: The instructor has already taught something important and repeated 5 different times, "REMEMBER THIS. THIS WILL BE ON THE TEST."
At least 3 people will raise their hands, NOT wait to be called on, and will simultaneously burst out, "Wait...what??? What did you say? Can you repeat that??"
Honestly, all I want for just one day is for that sweet instructor of mine to reply, "I'm sorry...I repeated myself 5 times...FIVE TIMES...if you weren't paying attention, that's your problem."

0847: First story of the day. These stories never help with the lesson and aren't even funny. You will get at least 10 stories a day (in no way is this an exaggeration) and they will generally look like this...
Instructor Wendy: It is important to do what your nursing supervisor asks you to do. If she wants you to get ice for a patient's injury, make sure you get that in a timely manner.
Student: OH! One time, my boyfriend asked me to get some ice for his gin and tonic and when I walked over to the fridge, I slipped and fell, but I was okay.
Instructor Wendy: Oh, ummm...okay...so, as I was saying...follow your nursing supervisor's instructions accurately.

0850-0920: There will be a little bit of learning, lots of story telling, and tons of eye-rolling (the eye-rolling is done exclusively by me).

0920: First break. I don't have to pee yet, but I'm wishing I had someone to sarcastically complain to about the idiocy we are experiencing. I may choose to text my friend Emily at this time to tell a particularly funny story from the morning. Although, I do try to refrain from that most days seeing that Emily is usually busy saving the world.

0930: Class resumes. More stories are told. I start daydreaming about going to work later. Ohhhh, yes. I daydream about going to my job.

1040: Second break. I run to the restroom with "bad plumbing". The whole bad plumbing thing is not just my opinion...there are signs everywhere that warn of it. No one ever feels good about going into a stall that has a big sign that says, "Plumbing is very old. Please hold down lever for 45-55 seconds to flush."

1050: Class resumes. More stories. More eye-rolling.

1230: Class gets out. To be honest, I am 3 for 3 on being the first person out of the classroom.

I do have to share a particularly wonderful story and I'm hoping that I don't have a "you had to be there" story on my hands, because this was a gem...
There is a white woman in my class around the age of 50. If there was an award for most annoying student on the planet, she would win hands down; not only is her voice annoying, but she is also the bearer of roughly 63% of all stories told in class.
One day an African-American student was asking a legitimate question of the instructor. The annoying woman interrupted the response from Wendy and said, "You know what she's sayin' sista?? It's totally whack the way everything goes down!!"
In no way has this white woman ever spoken in such a way, but I guess since she was addressing the black girl in class, she decided that it would be the only way the girl would be able to understand her.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh....classic racism. How I've missed you so...

I can't stop listening to this song at the moment...

2010-08-14T15:33:00.002-04:00

I wish there was a better video for this song. I've had it on repeat for the last 3 days, fo sho.

I must be missing that gene....

2010-08-13T09:27:00.003-04:00

It's hard to go anywhere or watch anything on TV without seeing advertisements for the new Julia Roberts flick, Eat Pray Love. The other day I was watching something and a commercial for the Home Shopping Network came on. It appeared that they were trying to shill the Eat Pray Love experience (which apparently includes ugly handbags and necklaces that can be pretend prayer beads) on a "very special" Saturday showcase.

I was talking to my friend Emily this morning about how I just don't understand the obsession with this book. A few years ago, Adam handed it to me to read and it was the most painful two-thirds of a book that I've ever gotten through. It's not very hard to figure out that this book is a three-parter. I managed to get through the "eating" and the "praying", but screw the "loving". I put it down and never picked it back up. When I heard that it was going to be a movie, I thought it would be one of those straight-to-DVD situations. Apparently not. Apparently it's going to be the biggest movie of the summer. Dang.

I was happy to hear that Em didn't understand the greatness that is Eat Pray Love, either. She pointed out that it pretty much boiled down to a woman who was whining about her life and wanted to make everything about her. In the spirit of full disclosure, neither of us could finish the book...so our judgements really lie in the first two-thirds of the book.

I get the fact that people want to take a year off and "marvel at something" (I feel like I'm going to puke every time I hear Julia...errr..."Elizabeth" say that in the previews). I also get the fact that some people have enough funds to be able to take a year off of work and go discover themselves. What I don't get is that someone would think that the rest of the world cares about their journey to self-discovery. Do your friends care? Sure...they know you. Does your family care? I certainly hope so. Do complete strangers want to spend $14.99 on a paperback book and read it in their bathtubs? Well, apparently Emily and I are the only people on the planet that are saying "heck no!" to that offer.

What about you? Do you have any desire to see Julia Roberts discover her inner self??
I promise, this is a safe space. I won't lay down any hammers of judgement on you if this movie is the best thing in your book since the fine people at Nabisco decided to offer peanut butter filled Oreos. I really want to know what you think...

My guess is that this has never happened to you...

2010-08-11T21:48:00.005-04:00

(Yes, mom. I will embarrass you.)

So I talked to my mom tonight and she informed me that one of her favorite bands (House of Heroes) Tweeted (or Twittered??) that they bought a new van for touring. Random fact, right? The reason that she shared this bit of information is because the band named the van after her. I'm going to venture to say that this only happens once in a person's life.

Sooo...props to momzy for being so cool that a band of 20-somethings named a vehicle after you. I'm going to believe that they named it after you because you're awesome and not because you're very, very white.

I realize this is a bit weak...

2010-08-05T07:24:00.003-04:00

I know it's a little like blog-cheating to do this, but today I'm going to give you a link to a blog that I enjoy on occasion. Bryan Allain pretty much hits every point I would have made (although, he does it more eloquently) if I happened upon this CNN article about infidelity.

http://bryanallain.com/archives/2010/08/04/negotiated-infidelity-is-a-crock/

How is it possible that there are people in this world that actually believe that "letting" a man cheat is good for a marriage?!?

If what they say is true...God hates me by now.

2010-08-04T10:27:00.001-04:00

One of my favorite things (and by "favorite", I mean "it irritates me to no end") in the world is when I get an email forward about how Susie got an email and didn't forward it, so she died in a horrible car accident. By the way...who is checking Susie's email after she died to see if she forwarded a stupid email about rainbows and butterflies??? I can see it now...

Police officer leaning over the computer screen at poor, dead Susie's home: Well, this explains it. It was purely bad luck that Susie died while driving drunk. She didn't forward this charming email with the glittery butterfly. It's a shame, too....she was about to meet the man of her dreams within 21 hours...(fists pounding the sky) IF ONLY SHE HAD FORWARDED THIS EMAIL....

One of the few things that is dumber than those emails are the people who send them on a regular basis.

I firmly believe that the only email that is more wonderfully ridiculous than believing that bad luck will follow you if you don't forward an email to 7 friends in 7 minutes is believing that God will spite you if you don't lay down the hammer of God's love (in email form, of course) to 7 friends in 7 minutes. Nowhere in the Bible does it state that you will live in eternal damnation if you do not forward an email. The funny thing is, when I get emails that state such a thing, I always find it necessary to snarkily reply to the sender, "I'm not forwarding this, but it's not because I don't love Jesus...it's because the email is stupid and I don't send stupid emails. Please don't threaten me ever again by saying that God will stop loving me if I don't forward an email in a timely manner."

So take this as a warning. If you send me an email that includes a threat, you will be added to my list of ridiculous people who send ridiculous emails...and those people are on a list very closely related to a list of people that send me Farmville requests on Facebook. For the record...you Farmville people are not liked by anyone who is not also spending massive amounts of time feeding fake animals.

While we're at it...

PLEASE DO NOT FORWARD AN EMAIL WITH INSANELY HUGE FONT THAT CAN BE READ FROM OUTERSPACE (OR BY SOMEONE WHO IS READING OVER MY SHOULDER FROM ACROSS THE ROOM)!!

I should not have to scroll down multiple times to read one sentence. I am not blind. Thank you.

Just call me Judgey McJudgerson

2010-07-31T11:38:00.003-04:00

This commercial is on entirely too much in the Charlotte area and I can't help but be concerned with how this girl walks. Is it just me or is her saunter a little...ummm...messed up?? Like her legs don't have nearly enough muscle to hold up the rest of her body and flowing blonde hair???

I'm also loving the guy in the commercial. I think the wardrobe and hair people thought that it would be best to make him look like he's from 1995.

Colors seem to fade...

2010-07-30T14:30:00.000-04:00

I was talking to a patient today like I usually do. The conversations generally start off the same; I'll ask the patients how they are, they'll give me a brutally honest response (there is something about a doctors' office that allows people to shut off their filter).
Today there was a man that was talking about how he had slowly lost his ability to see colors over a two year period (there really was a medical reason as to why he was sharing his story...I don't think he just goes around and tells people about this). He hadn't noticed that it was happening (the brain is a tricky, tricky thing), but started to realize it when he couldn't tell the difference between a red light and a green light and he only saw gray sky.
When he finally went to the doctor, he had his cataract removed and for the first time in 2 years he saw the world in technicolor.
I'm not going to say it's unusual to meet a happy patient, but it's definitely not the norm (eg. Earlier today I pleasantly said hello to someone and they responded with a cold, "Why are YOU so happy??"). For some reason I was fascinated by this man's story and all I could say was, "That must have been great to finally be able to see color after all that time."
He looked at me for a second and replied thoughtfully, "It was the most amazing feeling of my life."
I literally got goose bumps. Not because this man could finally see color, but because the only difference between us is that he knows what it's like to lose colors and then get it given back and I've always been able to see colors and don't appreciate it.
Throughout the last week, I have been on a roller coaster of emotions. Other than it exhausting me, it's kind of put a gray haze over my week. I was thinking...wouldn't it be awesome to have a fairly simple procedure done and finally be able to see all the great things your life has to offer?
Just take a little Claritin and finally see that life isn't so bad...

So, my goal for this weekend* (yes, I'm starting small) is to focus on all of the super colorful stuff my life has to offer and forget about every gray-ish thing happening around me.

*It's always best to not start with a program too quickly. I'm going to start with this whole "Sarah will appreciate colors" thing at 6pm. You know...when the weekend officially starts. Cheers!

One Night Only: Hotlanta

2010-07-25T15:12:00.002-04:00

On Tuesday, Chris had mentioned that he was thinking about going to Atlanta to see William Fitzsimmons on Friday. Since there have been quite a few times where a fantastic idea has been hatched, but not actually followed through with, I was excited, but not necessarily expecting it to happen (because, hey...other things come up and life happens, right??).
I got an email on Wednesday that said the tickets had been bought. Although I was super stoked about the whole prospect of seeing a singer that I love and hadn't been able to catch yet, I was nervous about something I had going on Friday morning so I couldn't really focus on the excitement of Friday night until around Friday at 12:30.
By Friday at 1, I was on my way to Chris' to meet him for the 4 hour drive down to Atlanta. We made it to the venue at 6, had dinner, and went upstairs a little bit before William made it to the stage (it was an early show in the smallest venue I'd ever been to). Not only was the show in a very small venue, it also was filled with about 100 people sitting on the floor like it was a school assembly.
William ended up being a pretty funny dude (at one point making a joke about suicide and then pointing out that he can do that since he's technically a psychotherapist; definitely my kinda guy) and put on a great show (I decided it was the third best show I've ever been to). Near the end of the show, he decided to come out to the middle of the crowd (about 10 feet away from us) to sing "Good Morning".
By 8:30, the show was over and we were on our way back to Charlotte. The way back home was a little slower than the way there thanks to two different traffic accidents and a stop by McDonald's for some late night grub. I'm proud to say that we made it home a little after 1am without Chris having a aneurysm as a result of the other drivers (although, if I had a blood pressure cuff, I'm pretty sure I would've been able to confirm that his blood pressure sky-rocketed at one point during the drive).

Nothing makes me feel more like my mother's daughter than driving 4 hours to see a show and then driving home immediately after.

Just Beachy.

2010-07-24T23:57:00.000-04:00

I realized this morning that I never posted about the crew's trip to Isle of Palms over July 4th. Here are a few of the highlights...

The Windjammer: On the night of the 4th, Chris, Thomas, Rob, Wendy, MJ (Wendy's friend that came in for a night), and I went out to The Windjammer. I had heard about The Windjammer many times in the past and I thought it would be a huge bar with all sorts of beach-type fanciness happening. Apparently, the only reason I had heard of it before is because it's probably one of the oldest bars in IOP and if you've been to IOP, you've probably been to The Windjammer (and there is absolutely nothing "huge" or "fancy" about it). My highlight of that evening was seeing Chris' face when he saw the middle-aged gay bartender that had roofied both him and Thomas the last time they were at The Windjammer to see Josh Kelley. C had wanted to use the restroom, but promptly turned around and decided it would be better to wait for a bathroom-going buddy (something about how creepy 50-year old gay men like to follow cute boys into bathrooms). After downing a few very solidly poured drinks (they don't mess around at that bar), we decided to go home. We called for a taxi (along with every other intoxicated person in Isle of Palms) and they said it would be a bit over an hour. With that news, Thomas took my phone and text messaged our dear, dear friend Beth and asked if she was asleep. Although she very much was asleep, Beth is not the kinda gal that can leave her friends hanging and came to get us. While waiting on Beth to get to the bar, I made friends with a girl named Brandy who said she'd call the next day and we'd go out on her boat.
I can't say that I'm surprised or hurt that Brandy did not call the next day. *sigh* I guess it's time that I delete her number out of my phone.
Hank's: On Tuesday night, the crew went to a bar for a few pre-dinner drinks and then to an awesome seafood restaurant that Mike had been to before during a bachelor party weekend. There isn't much to say about it other than it was really, really yummy and I learned what cebiche is.
Nightswimming: On Wednesday night, we were once again feeling really good and decided to do a little nightswimming in the community pool. Mike, Beth, Wendy, Thomas, Lael, and myself made our way to the pool around midnight and decided that there really was no need for swimsuits (well, everyone except for Lael, who explained that teachers can't risk getting caught naked in a pool). While I was paying attention to the stars (it was so beautiful out that night) and not my swimsuit, I heard a commotion happening at the gate. The commotion ended up being about 34 20-something people coming into the pool area. Okay, so maybe there weren't that many strangers infiltrating our space, but when you have no clothes on, you definitely feel like there are a lot more than there actually are. At that point, I started frantically searching the perimeter of the pool for my swimsuit (while still in the pool). I knew it had to be somewhere...it's not like the thing had legs. Well, you know...unless your friend Lael used her legs to take it and hide it before the random strangers showed up. I have to say that I'm so trusting that never once did the thought of someone taking it cross my mind. Eventually, someone found it for me and threw it into the pool. When I finally got out of the pool, I was told that Thomas and Lael went to the big pool (aka: the ocean), so Mike, Beth, and I started running to where they supposedly were. On the way to the ocean, Beth bit it on the sidewalk (life lesson: don't run in flippies). I vaguely remember her lying on the concrete, laughing really hard. Mike said he was taking Beth home to clean her up while I exclaimed, "Okay! I'll go find Thomas and Lael!" (like I was doing them a favor or something) and I ran off to the ocean.
After what seemed like forever of yelling out to the ocean for Thomas and Lael, I went back to the house and told Mike (who was cleaning up Beth), Beth (who was wrapped up like a burrito on the couch), and Wendy (who was intensely working on a puzzle) that Thomas and Lael were missing. Seeing that I was distressed, Mike replied, "Well, maybe they went to sleep downstairs."
I then ran downstairs to search the bedrooms and came back upstairs in tears because at that point I was sure that they were dead in the ocean. While trying to explain to my friends why we should be worried, Thomas and Lael walked into the house...very much not dead.
Go figure...I was worrying for no good reason once again. Last week, Rob gave me some pretty solid advice on the subject, "Hey, Sarah...if a guy and a girl go missing and can't be found, it's probably because they don't want to be found."
Ohhh, if only Rob had not left the night before so he could of given me that advice the night of my freak out.

The engagement: On Thursday, Mike and Beth went out to Charleston to discover the city until around 4. When they got back, I was lounging on the couch, reading a book while Mike was getting dinner ready in the kitchen. Beth came and sat near me while we talked about the day. She was holding a yogurt in her left hand and when I finally looked away from my book to look at her, I was blinded by something on her ring finger. Needless to say, after reality struck, I started to completely freak out. Mikey had told no one that he was going to ask her (except for her parents...how sweet and completely proper is that??). Thomas was in the back room watching a movie and thought that I was freaking out about something completely different (I'm known to freak out about even the smallest stuff, I guess). Beth eventually went back there to tell him the big news. The night was topped off with an insanely delicious steak dinner and champagne toast. It was definitely the biggest and most memorable nights of the whole trip. Heck...it'll probably be one of my most memorable nights of my life (yeah...I am really, really, really happy for my friends...).

Nightgolfing: On our last night of the trip, we made our way to the golf course (in our backyard) at dusk to steal a little golf time on the 5th hole. While normally this hole wouldn't take Mike and Thomas too long to get through, they were golfing with Beth, Wendy, and me. I hadn't golfed in about 10 years, so needless to say, it took a little while to make contact to the ball. In no way was it a terribly successful golf outing if you're measuring success by getting the ball in the hole in a timely manner. Fortunately, I measure success by how much fun it was and I have to say...it was crazy successful.

Needless to say, this was just a quick recap of a week of awesomeness. I already feel like I've forgotten a bunch of stuff. To see the rest of the pictures from the trip, here's the link:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=457484&id=621210124&l=c15a45cdcf

What does it MEAN?!?!?

2010-07-17T10:01:00.001-04:00

My coworker called me on Thursday and asked me to stop by his desk. When I got there, he very seriously said, "You have to watch this."

After a pretty rough week, I thought there was something else that was about to go down.
I was completely oblivious to the fact that I was about to be given the magical gift of Native American hilarity.

Apparently this fella is a 400 pound Indian that really did wonder what the double rainbow meant....

As tears of funniness were streaming down my face (the video really did just get funnier and funnier), the only question I could ask (over and over, I might add) was, "Was he high????"

Rumor has it, he was only high on life.

(as an added bonus, you can also have the Double Rainbow song that someone on Youtube auto-tuned...I'm pretty sure it will soon be played in nightclubs across the country...)

The things you do to save money...

2010-07-16T20:28:00.000-04:00

Recently, I've been trying to cut costs. One of the funnest (and totally not sucky) parts of this is getting creative with whatever random foods I happen to have in my pantry and freezer (who has had meatballs for the last week for breakfast? I'll never tell...). Although I usually stick with my own fridge, sometimes I can't help but raid the one at work. Earlier this week we had one of our referring offices come for lunch. Per the usual, my favorite marketer (HI KAREN!) ordered a tray of wraps from Camille's. There are a few reasons why we love having guests, but naturally one of the perks is the seemingly endless supply of leftovers. You'd think I'd get tired of Camille's since I've had half a wrap for lunch and dinner for the last three days, but sadly...I have not.

One of my finest moments of this money-saving endeavor came tonight when I was cleaning out the fridge for the weekend (who likes to return to work on Monday to the smell of something growing on mystery food?)

There were 7 leftover wraps in the fridge that would definitely not stay so delicious for 2 more days. What would you do? Throw them away, you say?? Oh, heavens no. Not on my watch.

While I appreciate that some people would feel comfortable throwing away that much edible food, I on the other hand, did not.

What did I do, you ask?

While I couldn't possibly consume that many tortillas (and honestly wasn't wanting that many carbs), I painstakingly unwrapped each one and picked every bit of chicken out of those wraps. It may sound like a lot, but, well...oh okay, who am I kidding? There was a bunch of chicken. Who cares, though? It's grilled chicken! How bad can it be for you??? Plus, who just had a free dinner consisting of bits of gourmet chicken (oh, yes...I just called it "gourmet"...I didn't have to cook it, therefore it's "gourmet". Just go with it, okay?)??? This gal!

Maybe next week's lunch meeting will be a Moe's (WELCOME TO MOE'S!!!) buffet and I'll be able to have my way with a tray of refried beans. A girl can only dream...

I stole them.

2010-07-01T21:04:00.004-04:00

So many times I've read my favorite blogger's status updates on Facebook and wanted to steal them. Unfortunately, I'd feel too guilty if I did that and all of my Facebook friends (other than my momzy...she's already fake friends with him) have suffered for it. Suffered because they haven't gotten to read the awesome one liners.
Seeing that I want to remember these, I'm going to make a list of some of my faves...

LeBron James signs with Washington Generals. Promises to "Destory Curly and the rest of the Globetrotters next season."

"Retire, relax, enjoy your family. It is just a phone. Not worth it." Steve Jobs to mad customer. (I agree but Apple launched the iPhone 4 like it was made of unicorn tears)

"Eclipse is best Twilight film yet" (That's like saying "Getting punched hurts less than getting stabbed." It's relative)

"FIFA vows to fix officiating by November." Entire world points out that World Cup ends in July.

"This was a private incident between me and a bear," Best. Bear. Attack. Quote. Ever.

A guy is hitting on a girl on the train. I don't want to get off. It's like a low budget Bachelor. I want to see what happens next. Who will get the subway rose???

Watches don't break, they just become bracelets.

Portugal vs. Brazil is like a Kardashian-less version of the Lakers vs. the Celtics.

Sometimes I want to swim around in the Apple store like Scrooge McDuck in his money bin.

Diehard Lakers fan security guard jumped my car. Tempted to phone this day in to Delilah. Pretty sure Chicago can fix it.

It always terrifies me that airlines make you feel like it would only take one jerk playing bedazzled on their iPhone to crash the plane when electronics are supposed to be turned off.

Had dinner with MLB great John Smoltz last night. (He was a few tables over and didn't talk to me but that's semantics)

Just saw guy sitting in front of Apple store, using a Dell, wearing a shirt that said, "Your Mac sucks." He needed a hug.

Baseball announces they will not reverse perfect game call. Also tell kids Santa is not real & kicks puppy.

Burger King serving ribs might just be the fourth horseman heralding the end of days.

"Do you know the writer Jon Acuff? He lives near here." Stranger said to me at pool, upon meeting my family for first time. "I hear he's really handsome." My response.

There is no part of me that believes Kid Rock spent Detroit summers as a youth, "catching walleye & listening to Sweet Home Alabama"

I am convinced that the woman who turns on the light when she comes in at 9AM to work feels that the 20 of us who didn't turn it on are sitting in the dark because we were unable to find the switch.

Ever watch the last scene of the movie "Can't Hardly Wait" on Youtube over and over? No? Oh, me either. That'd be dumb.

Oil spill maybe "act of God." Texas Governor. (I'd argue but that breaks my "never argue with a guy who shot a coyote while jogging" rule)

NFL player Santonio Holmes kicked off plane for refusing to turn off iPod. Dang, how dope was the jam he had on! (My guess? It was Biz Markie, "Just a Friend." That song comes on, you don't turn it off.)

Okay...I'm forcing myself to stop. You get the point. I hope you found at least one as funny as I did.

Oh. So THIS is how I'm going to die.

2010-06-25T13:57:00.000-04:00

Last Sunday as I was getting ready for church, I got a phone call from Lauren. She told me to strap on my boots 'cause we were going up to the mountains to go horseback riding at her dad's house. Although normally I'd be all about it, I felt a little guilty about missing church. Of course, that guilt was quickly dispersed when Lauren assured me that God would want me to go to the mountains.
By the time we made it to Virginia, it was lunchtime and her dad was cooking up some sloppy elk. It looked exactly like a regular sloppy joe, but tasted about 235% better. Who knew? Elk is delicious! After lunch we went out to the pasture to pick out our horses. I was told that Minnie was the easiest one to ride, so I got her. Lauren got Glory, the blind-in-one-eye horse who also happens to still be nursing her baby.
It took about an hour to saddle the horses up and I hopped on. Unfortunately, I pulled myself up onto Minnie like used to do when I was 5 years old and would pull myself onto Gus (with every bit of arm strength that I could muster). I managed to tear a few muscle fibers from the bone in which they were intended to stay attached to with that move. Ugh. I'm an idiot. (I can assure you that the second time I got on, I did it like a normal person. You know...with leg strength and grace.)
After riding Minnie around the barn about 3 times (for some reason she was really loving that barn), Lauren was on her horse and ready to go. Her dad had been fighting some sort of illness all week and said he would just wait in his truck while we rode for awhile (the pasture where the horses are is definitely not within walking distance of the house, so her dad had driven us to the barn).
The first 3 minutes of our excursion was great! Minnie followed Glory out into the field with lovely wildflowers and then came the not so fun part...
Right when we got to the edge where "the field" became "the woods", Minnie decided that she had had enough and she wanted to get back to the barn...fast. She turned around and ran full steam ahead through the wrong gate and between two ponds. No matter how much I pulled back and screamed, "WHOA!!!!", she would continue on (and actually go faster). My first thought was, "Well, this must be how I'm going to die. I will be falling off this horse and falling onto a rock like Michelle did in the series finale of Full House. Dang." Eventually I realized that if I didn't want to fall off, I would just have to let go of the reigns and hang on tight until she got to where she wanted to go.
Right as Minnie was turning around, I had seen Glory rear up on Lauren. By the time we finally got back to where Minnie wanted to go, I yelled for Lauren's dad to help me. My favorite part was when he just stared at me when I screamed "HELP!", but when I said, "Oh! And Lauren is having trouble with Glory back there!", he went running. Oh, well...I can't blame him for playing faves.

So needless to say, we spent our Father's Day doing something that has bugged fathers around the world for years...
Begging to do something (in this case, riding horses) and then calling it quits 10 minutes later when the going gets tough.

That kid gets around...

2010-06-21T19:30:00.005-04:00

After I got home from work today, I watched a Glee episode that I hadn't seen before (I didn't get on board with Glee until about 4 episodes in...so sad).
In this episode, they had this expensive jerk of a choreographer come in and be crazy-offensive to the kids of New Directions. I had to pause and rewind his scene multiple times to figure out where I had seen him before. Normally Chris is the guy to turn to for obscure "what-else-was-that-guy-in?" type questions, but I must say that I was proud of myself for figuring this one out.
This was him on Glee...
This is him as Duckface on Full House:

And the piece de resistance, my friends....
I knew I had seen him somewhere else, too. I could picture him...in the late 80's...in a really, really obscure video that they would show in Children's Church when they didn't feel like giving a real lesson.
Oh, yes. He played Phillip in McGee and Me. Bonus points (for anyone other than my mom) that has ever even heard of McGee and Me.
I couldn't find any pictures of him, but I did find a video on youtube. You'll find this kid at :18, so you don't have to look very far. Well, unless you want to...he actually does have speaking parts. (Also, check out Renee's hat. I remember thinking that she was just the coolest...)

So there you have it, my dears...I CAN be counted on to figure out what people starred in before they made it semi-big in a popular primetime musical comedy. Well, as long as that person starred in a family-friendly video series that may or may not have been produced by Focus on the Family and was frequently shown in conservative churches in the late 80's and early 90's.

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-20T08:40:00.000-04:00

This is how you write a blog...

2010-06-17T22:47:00.001-04:00

I read today that there are 12 ways to write a blog. Only 12. Who knew??
I'm going to try to cover them all in one fantastical bloggity-blog-blog. (You know what's a funny word? Blog. Blllllllllllloggggg. Go ahead and say it. It's super!)
Okay, here we go...

1. Respond to something elsewhere on the web. There is a top news story on MSN entitled "Evasive BP CEO leaves Congress Flummoxed".
Does anyone else feel like the author of this news story went a little nuts with his thesaurus? I'm not embarrassed to say that I had to look that one up on dictionary.com. Okay, maybe I am a little embarrassed. Whatever. And really, how perplexed (apparently that's what "flummoxed" means) could congress really be? There is a pipe that won't stop spewing oil. No one can figure out how to fix it. Did they really think they were going to get answers on how to fix it from Tony Hayward? Ohhh...silly rabbit....

2. Suggest an idea.
Let's hang out this weekend.
Wait, you don't want to??
Oh, well...at least I suggested something.

3. Interview someone.
Unfortunately I don't have anyone at the hizzy with me. Well, except for Gary. I guess I shall interview him.
Me: Hey Punky! (Yes, I call him Punky when no else is around. He likes it...kinda.)
Gary:
Me: Are you mad at me because I got home late from work?
Gary:
Me: Did I forget to feed you again?
Gary:
Me: You can't silent treatment me! I'm going to silent treatment YOU!
Gary: *sneeze*
Me: Ugh.

4. Blog an event
Like a live event? Like what tech-savvy people do?? I'd have to make a few calls and it hardly seems worth it.

5. Ask a question
What is the most embarrassing thing on your iPod?

6. Pick a fight
Obama is brilliant.
Bush was amazing.
Ross Perot has big ears. (Not that anyone is really going to fight me on that. I just saw a picture of him and was reminded just how big his ears really are.)

7. Reflect on something
Remember that time we did that thing and it was really fun? We should do that again.

8. Do something visual

9. Review something
I'm going to review Stephanie Klein-Davis' picture that she submitted to The Roanoke Times of the concerned pregnant woman smoking.
AH-MAZING.

10. Make a list
Isn't this entire blog a list of ways to blog??

11. Write a how-to
What do you want to know how to do? You let me know and I'll do my best to write you a step by step guide.

12. Let someone else post
I actually have someone wanting to guest post. We'll see if that ever happens. Although, I do enjoy that one of the 12 ways to blog is to not blog and let someone else do all the work. Brilliant.

Cerebral palsy is the sexiest of all the palsies...

2010-06-16T00:10:00.000-04:00

I was wasting time today online (shocker) and I found this guy as a top news story on Yahoo. It may have been the state of mind I was in, but I couldn't stop laughing at his stuff.

I guess Oprah is having a contest for people to get their own TV show on her new network ("YOU get a TV show...YOU get a TV show...YOU get a TV show...") and Zach Anner was one of the submissions. Out of curiosity, I watched the chick who is currently in second place (with, quite literally, one million less votes than Zach) and I can see why people continue to vote for him.

This is his Oprah audition tape:

Then he thanks the world for their response. Personally, it's my favorite because he's so stinking genuine and yet still super funny:

Then John Mayer video-blogged to Zach and made him an offer to write his theme song:

To which Zach replied with:

HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THIS FELLA?????

I'm quite sure it's going to grow on me...

2010-06-15T18:33:00.003-04:00

Ray Lamontagne posted a new song! I don't think it's his best ever, but still...any new Ray is good for my soul...

August 17th is going to be a pretty awesome day. I have to make sure that I mark it on my calendar as such.

If you're spending more time on Facebook than in THE book...

2010-06-14T21:48:00.000-04:00

I'm going to have to warn you that I'm feeling especially ADD tonight, so this blog may not be as fluid as my other blogs usually are. <-- (You see, that's funny because I'm acting like my blogs aren't usually a mash-up of ridiculous thoughts.)

This past weekend, the crew went out for Scott Steele's birthday. I'm honestly not sure at what point I started using the term "the crew" like I'm in the movie Clueless (Tai: "Who's Elton?" Dionne: "He's way popular. He's like the social director of the crew." Cher: "Yeah, and his dad can get you into any concert..."). Come to think of it...I'm not sure I can even clearly define who "the crew" consists of. And if this "crew" is missing a key member, is it no longer "the crew"?? Is it just a group of friends that ceases to be a "crew" until the wayward missing person returns to the flock???
Wow...sorry...back to the topic at hand...

So we went out this weekend for Scott's birthday. It was pretty low key. We started at Nakato where I was able to partake in some witty banter with the hibachi chef. Okay, maybe it was more "smiling and pretending like I knew what he was talking about" than "witty banter", but whatever...he seemed nice and I'm pretty sure he was only making fun of me for choosing sushi over noodles and bite-sized pieces of meat. Dang. Now that I think of it, he could have been making fun of so many things without me understanding. I'm just going to choose to believe that he was making fun of my love of the classic California roll.
After dinner, we went to Eastfield for a few drinks and some conversation. It was so loud inside, that I made my way to the patio where I learned a ton about college hockey and got to hear an argument as to why a hockey jersey is appropriate decor for over a fireplace. I also learned from the new guy that people that can't form a coherent thought while speaking, but can write one are stupid (at which point I told the story about how I had a particularly embarrassing night and when I tried to tell my mom about it, she stopped me and said, "Honey, why don't you just blog about it? It's so much better that way.") Beth pointed out that, yes, everyone at the table pretty much wrote how they spoke...except for Sarah. I'm not sure if New Guy understood that he had just offended me, but it didn't really matter. I'm a big fan of the I'm-rubber-you're-glue argument and I have a feeling that he really couldn't talk OR write, so there...take that, New Guy.
OH! I also learned that steel gray and black are "girly" colors. After that disagreement, I excused myself and headed back inside where I wouldn't have to deal with the mess after Beth's head exploded.
And that was pretty much that. A little conversation happened inside. Scott ordered his standard of a shot of Jager with the check. Chris got hit on by the cute girl with a horrific laugh. Sheeshers, well, Sheeshers wore a black shirt and jeans (sorry, Sheesh...I couldn't think of anything that happened with you at the end of the night other than you giving Scott the evil eye and telling him that you wanted to go home, but I didn't think you'd want me to say that on the ol' blog. Wait....oops....sorry...)
The ride home was really special. It pretty much consisted of me trying to form coherent sentences to a fairly buzzed Chris. By the time we were back to Cornelius, I realized that maybe New Guy was right about people who can't form a coherent sentence.
Ugh...dang you, New Guy...

And as for my blog title...
Beth, Mike, and I went to try out a church awhile back and the pastor was rather bitter about healthcare and technology in general. He said something about how if "you're spending more time on Facebook than in the book, then..."
I honestly can't remember the rest of his threat (Hey Beth or Mike...can either of you show off your stellar memory skills and help me out here?), but we've probably repeated that phrase 10 times since we heard it. There's nothing like creating hilarity out of a serious trip to church. I think the only thing I learned that Sunday was that I'm meant to remain at a jeans-wearing, drum-playing type of church and that no one should try to pack church, lunch, hiking, and book club all in the same day.

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-06-11T12:46:00.006-04:00

It is with a sad, sad heart that I inform you that my favorite-est salad dressing has been discontinued by Newman's Own. At first I just thought that I had to make a special trip to a Super Target (for some reason, that's the only place that it was sold). After going to 3 different Super Targets with no luck, I decided to write to Target and inquire as to what was up. I then went to the Newman's Own website to see if they could start selling it at the Teet. On that website it stated that they have discontinued the Southwest dressing.

"Join us as we bid our Southwest Dressing a fond farewell" my arse!

How has the Southwest Dressing gone the way of my Minute Maid Light Lemonade???

So...if you would once again do me a super big favor. If you happen to be at a Super Target (or heck, any Target/grocery store/yard sale)...PLEASE check to see if they have any Newman's Own Southwest Dressing.
Our buddy, Newman, is wearing a purple plaid shirt and an orange dickey on the bottle. I know, I know...he's a crazy-snazzy dresser.

Oh, and if you'd like to write the company for me, here is the website: http://www.newmansown.com/contactus.aspx

Maybe if we band together, we can Party of Five this sucker!

PS. Hey mom, if I meet you in Nashville and you happen to have 45 bottles of this dressing in your trunk, I really wouldn't mind. Love you!

PPS. I just got an email back from Newman's Own. Apparently they started phasing it out on April 5th (why was I not informed of this travesty sooner?!?!) and they only sold it at Target and Publix. Sooo...no need to check other grocery stores. Just the Publix and Targets....and the garage sales still (you know, people sell the most random stuff at garage sales).

Isn't it ironic? Don't ya think?

2010-06-10T10:25:00.003-04:00

I'm not gonna lie. I stole this off of Kelly Unterreiner's facebook page. I have to say...she probably wins the Funniest Facebook Friend That I Rarely Hang Out With In Real Life Award, so if you're not friends with her, you probably should be...you know, if she'll accept you. I hear she runs a pretty tight friendship ship. (Yes. That just happened. I said "friendship ship". Awesome.)

Anytime, Alison (for the survey)

2010-06-03T11:10:00.000-04:00

(This blog has nothing to do with Alison. I was just answering to her recent blog title. I suppose I could have just commented on her blog, but where's the fun in that?)

I've decided that today I'm going to comment on random news stories of the day. How lucky for you!

Dishwasher recall:
There was a picture of the inside of a dishwasher on the top news of MSN (slow news day, I guess). I love that my first reaction was, "Whoa! That's my dishwasher!"
But then I realized that there haven't been that many advances in dishwashers, so more than likely, it's not the same one. Especially since my dishwasher is from around 2003 and the recall applies to a different brand of dishwashers made after 2006.

The oil spill:
I just became a fan on Facebook of "There are plenty of fish in the sea. LOL, jk...there's an oil spill." I think that says a lot about how I find humor in completely inappropriate situations. Honestly, though...I think I have an "out of sight, out of mind" feeling about it (as I unfortunately do with most problems in the world). It probably won't bother me until it somehow ruins my beach vacation...and then BP is going to pay.

Armando Galarraga's stolen perfect game:
Everyone has seen it by now. Detroit's pitcher pitched a perfect game and the umpire made the wrong call during the last play of the game. My mind immediately went to how mad I would be if that (or something like that) happened to me. How did he respond? My favorite blogger put it best....
"Nobody's perfect, everybody's human." MLB pitcher after ump's horrific call ruined his perfect game. That is 3D grace.
I can only pray that if something like that (obviously not that exact situation) ever happens to me, I'll be able to show that much grace.
Talk about learning a lesson from baseball.

Survey Time (which is kinda like Hammer Time, but with a few less pairs of harem pants)

2010-06-01T20:55:00.004-04:00

1. If you were to attend a costume party tonight, what or whom would you go as?
I would go as Wenda (Waldo's girlfriend). Ali just gave me a red and white striped shirt, so I'm all set on the Where's Waldo? front. Did Waldo and Wenda ever get married, by the way?

2. What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger? And do you prefer gas or charcoal grilling?
Cheese, mayo, pickles, mustard, ketchup, and sometimes onions when they are chopped really tiny. I prefer the type of grilling that I don't have to do.

3. You are chosen to have lunch with the President. The condition is you only get to ask one question. What do you ask?
Do you believe that the children are our future if you teach them well and let them lead the way???
(Unless my meal isn't well seasoned, then I would definitely pick, "Can you please pass the salt?")

4. It's your first day of vacation, what are you doing?
Probably driving to my vacation destination.

5. What is your concession stand must-have at the movies?
If I haven't had dinner, it would have to be nachos. If I have had dinner, it would have to be nachos, Skittles, and popcorn.

6. Which do you dislike most: pop-up ads or spam email?
Well, I haven't had to deal with pop-up ads in awhile, so I'll say spam email.

7. What do you think Captain Hook's name was before he had a hook for a hand?
I think what we have here is a chicken/egg situation. I believe that Captain Hook's name was always Captain Hook. The people that gave him the hook just wanted him to have something that matched his name...hence the hook. If his name was Captain Morgan, he would have just gotten a lovely bottle of rum. If his name was Captain D, he would have gotten a bit of fried fish and delicious hushpuppies. But, no....his name was Captain Hook. Oh, well...poor guy...I guess we've all got our lot in life.

8. Rock, paper, or scissors?
I prefer rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock...

9. How long was it from 'the first date' until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding?
Hmmm....well, ummm....next question.

10. Which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet?
Too loud.

11. What is one quality that you really appreciate in a person?
Money. And their faith. But definitely their money.

12. At the good old general store, what particular kind of candy would you expect to be in the big jar at the counter?
I haven't frequented a "good old general store" any time recently, soooo...I'm going to go with Skittles. Probably just because I'm kind of craving Skittles right now.

13. What is the most distinguishing landmark in your city?
My major metropolitan city of Cornelius? A lake. A big lake.

14. Everyone hears discussions that they consider boring. What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other?
Anything about how your dog that I've never met walks...and then he runs...and then he walks...and then he runs again...wait...no...he didn't run again yet, he walked and sat for a little bit and THEN he ran...yeah, that's it. Wait, no...what did he do?? Oh, wait...let me start over...so the dog ran.........

15. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test?
Just the once. I'll never forget the shocked look on my momzy's face.

16. If you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose?
Nothing. If I had to choose, it would definitely be nothing.

17. What food item would need to be removed from the market altogether in order for you to live a healthier, longer life?
The potato. But then why would life be worth living??

18. You are offered an envelope that you know contains $50. You are then told that you may either keep it or exchange it for another envelope that may contain $500 or may be empty. Do you keep the first envelope, or do you take your chances with the second?
What are my chances? And am I near payday? Am I REALLY broke or just regular broke?

19. If you had to choose, which would you give up: cable TV, or DSL/cable internet?
TV (You can watch TV on the internet...check out how I'm a thinker!!)

20. What are you watching right now?
The Office. It's always on.

21. How much is a gallon of gas in your city? What was the highest it's been?
I honestly have zero clue. I just pay it...and sometimes I don't pay it. Running from the cops adds a little excitement to life.

22. What kind of lunch box did you have as a kid?
A purple plastic one. I rarely used it. I was much more of a fan of the lunch debit card. Come to think of it, that was my first experience with paying with plastic. Too much power for a 6th grader, I'll tell ya that...

23. What would you rather have, a nanny, a housekeeper, a cook, or a chauffeur?
A nanny. Gary needs day to day love that I just can't provide.

24. Would you rather be trapped in an elevator, or stuck in traffic?
Trapped in an elevator....with Mrs. Belding and Zack Morris. (WHOA. Check out that Saved By the Bell reference!)

25. Lets say a brick fell on your foot, and your kid is standing right next to you, what is your 'cleaned up' swear word? My non-existent kid? Well, I'd go with "Frick." That's actually one of my favorite words. And yes, I got it from Scrubs.

This isn't about you....really.

2010-05-27T09:14:00.000-04:00

When did that addictive little social networking site become a place for people to say some of the most disturbing stuff?

True, at some times I find it more entertaining to read other people's drama than to go to watch a movie, but still...at what point did it become socially acceptable to air out your dirty laundry on Facebook? Last week, there was a huge war of words between an old high school chum and her family. Did I go back every other day to check out what verbal bombs were dropped? Abso-freakin-lutely! Was it the right medium to discuss such an insanely private matter? Heck no. (If you want to know the dirt, just let me know...I'll fill you in. It was really juicy...and no, I REALLY, REALLY shouldn't even know about it.)

Sure, I know that I'm adding to the problem by actually being interested (in a completely voyeuristic sort of way) when other people's crap hits the fan (and, for what it's worth, I never comment on real drama...I just read it like I'm sneaking a peak at someone's diary. I know that my ability to actually keep my commenting-mouth shut may come as a shock to many of you), but I really do find it more entertaining reading about your drama than what you had for lunch...and believe it or not, many times I'm laughing and reading your drama out loud to my coworkers. Yes, you are becoming comedic fodder in North Carolina. Be proud.

Do you really want your old college pals to remember you for the friend you were to them in college or do you want them to remember you as the girl that has 3 different baby daddies and can't get child support from any of them? Do you really want to be MY entertainment? My guess is no. Because, I'm going to be 100% honest here: I am judging you right along with the rest of your world.

Oh, and while we're on the subject of Facebook:

While I was in St. Louis, I went over to my cousin's house. She got on Facebook and lamented, "Ugh, since all of my friends have become moms, that is ALL they talk about."
And then she proceeded to read off every post of momdom on her page. So, let me save you your breath if you are thinking about posting all of your mommy musings...
No one cares that your kid is in the 78th percentile, but they will laugh when you proclaim that your kid pooped all over you. Post accordingly.

Beep.

2010-05-22T15:27:00.001-04:00

On Thursday morning, I woke up to the sound of chirping. I'm not quite sure why it's called chirping when it's the most annoyingly loud beeping sound ever. Chirping implies a sweet bird. The stupid smoke alarm is not a bird. It's a piece of plastic (with a hand carbon monoxide alarm as an added bonus) that wants to pick a freaking fight.

When I woke up, I was actually a little pleased that the smoke alarm made me get out of bed (I have a tendency to not want to get out of my bed in the morning). I've been feeling rather thankful as of late and I decided to look at the positive in this beeping situation. How hard is it to change a battery, right?

I stumbled my way downstairs, hauled the step ladder upstairs, and climbed up. Nothing. No place where a battery magically pops out. What I did see was a lot of wires. Wires of every color of the rainbow. Okay, okay...maybe not every color of the rainbow, but one of them was red (which technically isn't even a color of the rainbow...kind of like how tree trunks aren't really brown...dang, our elementary school teachers were liars...LIARS!!!).

I decided to just deal with it after I got home from work. When I had gotten to work, everyone insisted that there had to be a battery in there. Around 11, I took a long lunch and came home to try to figure it out (the idea of coming home after a long day to that beeping was a horrible thought). I saw what people were talking about when they said that there was a battery. There was...except when I changed it, the thing still chirped every 30 seconds. I tried to just pull the whole thing out of the ceiling, but apparently that ticked off the chirping, talking smoke alarm. When I pulled the alarm, it set off all of the other alarms and said, "Fire! Fire!" over and over again.

At that point, I realized that I had a bigger problem on my hands. And what do you do when you have an electrical problem on your hands? You call for reinforcements. The only reinforcement I could think of was Brian's dad. So I made the phone call to Lulu to see when he was going to be home (which ended up being the next day). While I was talking to her, the frustration from the shrill beeping and the lack of sleep got to me and I started crying like a fool. Per the usual, Lulu was super sweet and reassured me that not even boys today know how to do wiring, so I shouldn't feel bad that I couldn't figure it out.

When I finally made it back to work (after an adventure at Home Depot to find the correct replacement), I got an email from Mike to ask if he could help me fix the alarm. He came within moments of me getting home from work and fixed it in about 10 minutes.

So, there you have it. Another reason I heart Mike. He has saved me from myself once again.

Riddle me this, Batman...

2010-05-19T12:09:00.002-04:00

We're going to play a game. Well, not so much a "game" (you can't lose this and neither can I, which is a good thing for me since I haven't really been one for winning anything as of late), but I'm going to ask you 5 questions and then you can humor me and answer them in the comments section. How lucky for you!

Okay, mom...have fun...

1. What is your favorite album of the year so far?

2. If you could eat any one cereal for the rest of your life, what would you pick?

3. If you were given $100 and you were told that you had to spend it on yourself, what would you spend it on?

4. What is the most recent movie that you've seen that you actually thought, "Wow. That was surprisingly good!" after it was over? (If you can't think of a movie that was "surprisingly good", I'll also take "actually good" or "not bad"...)

5. What is the one place you would travel to if you had unlimited funds?

I have a feeling that this is really going to be an experiment as to how few people actually read this blog, but still...fun times!

Billy Gra(m)ham Cracker

2010-05-17T13:33:00.002-04:00

I can't believe I've finally made it to the end of this vacation blogging experience. It truly was as painful for me to write as it was for all (2) of you to read.

Sunday:

After my alarm went off at 7am, I stumbled into the shower where I had a combination of the coldest and hottest shower ever. Thomas had forgotten to mention (or had meant to not mention, I'm not sure which) that the shower was a bit fickle and would either freeze me or burn me, depending on which side of half a centimeter I put the dial on.

We got on the road by 8am and the only things I can remember are...

Me deciding on lunch- I'm known as "decision-making challenged" and Thomas told me to pick a place to eat. So it took me about 2 hours until I saw something that striked (struck? stroke?? stroked???) my fancy (is it weird that I just sang Reba McEntire's "Fancy" in my head??). Unfortunately the food sign that you see on the side of the highway forgot to mention that the Zaxby's was 5 miles off the highway. I think Thomas was just pleased that I finally picked a place and said, "Oh, no...you picked something...we're going..." when I said that I'd pick something that wasn't so far off the path. The food ended up being pretty okay, but the strawberry shake was deeee-lish.

Nashville flooding- We had made it to a gas station outside of Nashville when a man mentioned that we'd be lucky to make it through Nashville since Hwy 24 was closed. I'm going to go ahead and say that it was by the grace of God that the man had no clue as to what he was talking about. (Actually, I'm quite sure that the highway had been closed...we were just lucky enough to miss the whole closing situation)

Rude Boy- At this same gas station near Nashville, there was a woman at the cash register listening to the radio. Rihanna's "Rude Boy" came on ("Take it, take it...love me, love me") and the lady said to me, "I have no idea what they have on this here radio."
I, with a shocked tone in my voice to imply that she was an idiot for not knowing the musical force that is Rihanna, replied, "Why, that's Rihanna's 'Rude Boy'!"
To which she replied, "Well, they can take it, take it..."
Touche. I had to try very hard to stifle my laughter because she was quite serious and all I could do was nod with the very same serious hatred that she so obviously felt for the song.

Mooresville traffic- By the time we became overjoyed that we had missed the Hwy 24 closing and the fact that the mile marker 2 had opened back up in Asheville, we hit some traffic about 20 miles away from home. Needless to say, I gave Thomas the special downtown Mooresville tour to avoid the highway. It only added about 30 minutes to the trip...so that wasn't too painful, well, at least for me. I wasn't the one driving.

So, there you have it. My vacation in blog form, which I'm sure felt about the same as when someone you are mediocre acquaintances with at work sits you down to show you 600 pictures from their beach vacation (all of which are of their bratty kids and the scenery).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

2010-05-13T16:40:00.005-04:00

I can't believe that Ryan is a dad!

Brendan James Casida was born this morning at 10:13. He weighed in at 7 lbs 11 oz and was 21 inches long. To be honest, I was surprised that he wasn't bigger...seeing that his dad is about 9 foot tall.

Congratulations Stephanie and Ryan...your boy is beautiful!

I love you all so much!

Gotta love the non-bride that wears white to a wedding.

2010-05-12T18:56:00.000-04:00

Saturday:

My grandma called at 8am to ask me if I wanted to get some breakfast at First Watch. Do you know what I said to that? Do ya, do ya, do ya!?!? I said, "Heck yes, grams! I love First Watch almost as much as I love breathing!!"

Okay, I didn't exclaim that so merrily, but I was a little bit excited for some breakfast grub. I mean, I love breakfast-for-breakfast almost as much as I love breakfast-for-dinner.

After breakfast, I went home to shower, pack, and get ready for Chris and Christy's wedding. Seth, Laura, Logan, and Sadie picked me up at 12:30 (I wasn't supposed to be to the church until 1:30, but there was a Cardinals game happening about 3 blocks from the church and I really wasn't sure how much traffic there would be). We arrived by the Arch at 1:15 and played for awhile, with the only pseudo-almost-catastrophe being that Sadie fell face first into a bush while she was standing on a ledge. I'm not sure at what point that kid became such a champ. She used to cry and cry and cry over people holding her and now, when she actually has something to cry about, she just whimpers for 3.6 seconds and then gets over it. I guess she cried out her lifetime's allotment of tears in the first 8 months of her life.

The wedding was beautiful...and quick. I felt like a 12 year old when I was trying to stifle laughter at the word "lover" read 38 times during the reading from Song of Solomon. It seems a little odd to me that I grew up in St. Louis (the land of the Catholics), I've seen the Pope (well, Pope John Paul II), and this was my first Catholic wedding. If someone had asked me before if I had been to a Catholic wedding, I would have said, "Yes. Definitely. I've had many Catholic friends in my life and I've been to many weddings in my life. Therefore, I'm quite sure that the two have combined forces to give me the full-blown Catholic wedding experience."

Now I know that I would have been sadly mistaken. The moment I knew that I was way off was when I saw that the bride, groom, and wedding party had to kneel during 75% of the service. I totally would have remembered if I had seen that before. I know that a wedding is more than a gorgeous dress (and Christy's was definitely gorgeous), but I couldn't help but wonder how she wasn't wrinkling it...and how kneeling that whole time wasn't like a punishment. Believe me, I've seen the amount of tulle that goes into making a puffy wedding dress and I also know that kneeling on it feels very close to the feeling that children get when they are forced to kneel on rice as a punishment (which my parents never saw as an appropriate punishment, by the way). But now that I think of it, Christy didn't appear to be in any pain...so maybe I'm way off on the whole rice thing.

After the wedding, the wedding party (plus me) boarded the party bus and did a quick tour around St. Louis for some pictures, then made our way to the Four Seasons to watch the Kentucky Derby. Well, I didn't really watch the Kentucky Derby...I was more fixated on the insanely beautiful wedding party that also happened to be at the Four Seasons. Seriously...this wedding party looked like they were out of a catalog for weddings (I don't even know if a catalog for weddings exists, but you see what I'm saying). Usually there will be a few 10's in a group of people, but EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. was GORGEOUS. It almost made me feel uncomfortable to be within a 20 foot radius of them.

By the time we made it to the wedding, the cocktail hour was winding down and I had a conversation with a girl that went to high school with Christy. This is how the conversation went down:

Girl: "Who are you here with?"

Me: "Thomas. Wait...TJ. Sorry. I keep calling him the wrong thing."

Girl: "Oh! Your husband is SO funny! I met him the other day!"

Me: "Oh....no...he's not my husband."

Girl: "Sorry...I mean your fiance."

Me: "Wait, no...we're not even dating. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to give that impression."

Girl: "Why not? He's hilarious!" (as if that's the only reason to date someone)

Me: "Ummm...well...yes, he is funny..." (*awkward silence while I was thanking God I had a glass of wine in my hand so I could pretend to just be thirsty while I thinking of something to say*) "Soooo...I guess it's time to get upstairs for the reception. I'll see you up there!"

I must say, the reception was the most beautiful that I've ever been to, the group of people at my table were crazy awesome, and the best man's speech was the best I've ever heard. To be honest, I became 542% more popular when people found out that I was the best man's date (Random person: "Wait! You're with Sir Dalton Swayze, Esquire III?!?!?!? That guy is hilarious! You are so lucky!" Me: "Why, yes...yes I am.").

By the end of the night, Thomas walked me back to the hotel room and then went back out on the town while I nursed a slight allergic reaction (all I have to say about that is that I'm super thankful that I dehydrated myself throughout the day).

(I just let out a huge sigh. There is only one day left of vacation to blog about. Remind me after the beach trip in July that blogging about every single day is a really stupid idea. Believe me, I'll forget.)

Friday

2010-05-11T15:31:00.002-04:00

Friday:

Let's just pretend that I didn't just name this blog "Friday", okay? I've come to the realization that blogging about every day was the dumbest idea ever. Yes, quantity does not equal quality.

I'm bullet-pointing this one. Hang on tight...

- Had lunch with momzy at Chevy's. I love their chips and salsa and I love their waiter even more. I think his name was Rob. The fact that I remember that should be a testament as to how much of a fan I was.
-Mom left for the Agape Festival after we went shopping for a tarp and some Crocs. Rain will never stop that music lover...NEVER.
-Did some laundry. Nothing is better than unpacking your suitcase filled to the brim with clean laundry.
-Went to dinner at Cassie and Joey's (and Colton and Chase's...I still can't believe that they have twins). My uncle and aunt brought over pizza and Carrie and Matt brought over Ellie and June...soooo...yeah, there were quite a few people there. Even Carrie #2 stopped by for a bit before she had to go chaperon at an 8th grade dance. We had a great time and after everyone left, I hung out until midnight like the good ol' days.

So, there you have it. Friday. Written in about 5 minutes.

Ohhhh..."T" stands for Thomas...

2010-05-10T16:52:00.000-04:00

Thursday:
When you pack for a long vacation (yes, I consider a week to be a long vacation), you are bound to forget a few essentials. In my case, both of the essentials that I had forgotten were for Thursday night. One of the things (adorable brown shoes) I found out that I forgot before it was too late to remedy the situation. The other thing I forgot (adorable, non-booblifting bra for a low cut dress)...well, I realized that I had forgotten when I was getting dressed.

My cousin Heather came to pick me up to have lunch at Steak n Shake (I'm not sure why I ever order the Frisco Melt...it's delicious until about 2 hours later when you're reminded what that much butter and grease will do to your digestive system) and then go shoe shopping to find some brown shoes that would match the dress that I had borrowed from Beth.
After eating and shoe shopping, she brought me back home to get ready for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. My mom was nice enough to get off work early (THANKS MOM!) so that I could borrow her car and get downtown in time for the 20 minute rehearsal. I honestly thought the priest was talking that fast because there was only a short period of time to have the rehearsal...I found out on Saturday that he just talks fast all of the time.
It took longer to drive to Carmine's for dinner than it would have taken to walk there, but who wants to walk in heels?? ("Not me!", said I...)

I had forgotten how much I love toasted raviolis and an open bar. I feel a little bad that I had the awesome idea to want the same thing that Thomas was ordering and then talked him into ordering something else so that we could share both. Okay, it wasn't like I was talking him into it, it was a mere suggestion and I like to pretend that he really, really enjoyed his pasta (because I really, really enjoyed my chicken). Also, I maintain that I only had one glass of red wine, although technically it was never empty. My glass was topped-off enough that Thomas took my mom's car keys to drive to the piano bar (The Big Bang) after dinner where the Jayhawk fight song was bought for a heckuvalot cheaper than it costs in Mooresville, NC.
My favorite part of the evening was when someone asked me for the 4th time, "And who are you with?"

To which I replied, "Thomas."

At that point it was obvious that a light bulb went off and he said, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh....'T' stands for 'Thomas'. You're talking about TJ."

Silly me. I was calling him by the wrong name the whole dang time.

STOP. HUMMING. THAT. SONG.

2010-05-09T13:59:00.002-04:00

When Chris and I went to see Date Night last night, there was a preview that had me rolling. I had no clue that Will Ferrell was even coming out with a new movie, but I have to say that I'm stoked...

Like an old brass penny with two heads up...

2010-05-08T07:54:00.000-04:00

Wednesday:

I'm just going to try to hit the highlights because the days are really starting to run together. (Yeah, sorry. I really should have taken notes...)

I remember Thomas had about 32 conference calls that day, so I left him behind and went to have lunch with my mom at Great Harvest Bread Co. I really wish there was one of those closer to me (and no, Ballentyne is not close enough).

After dropping my mom back off at work, I went to pick up my nephew early from school. He had no clue that I was coming, so when I walked into his classroom (during their nap time...dang, I miss kindergarten), the teacher whispered his name and it took him about 3 seconds to realize who I was and he ran to jump in my arms. The first question he asked me was, "How was the baseball game last night?"
Ohhh...I love that kid.

I told him that we could do anything he wanted to do, anything at all. Wanna know what he picked? The world is this kid's oyster and he wanted to go play at home. Ummm...okie dokie. I can handle that. Dream big, I always say.

After playing for about 3 hours and Logan surprising Thomas with some chocolate covered pretzels (enjoy those, mom...I totally forgot to take 'em out of the fridge), we decided that a shake sounded like a delicious excursion. I love that he's already inheriting my decision-making skills. I asked what kind of shake he wanted and he said he wanted vanilla, until I said that I was getting strawberry...then he decided that strawberry was the way to go. I had to explain that it is way better to get two different kinds and then switch in the middle. I also had to explain this rationale to Thomas at the rehearsal dinner, but I'll get to that in tomorrow's post.

When Seth got home, I had to get T's car back to him so he could make it downtown to meet Chris for drinks. I ran to take a shower and waited...and waited....and waited for Ali to pick me up to meet Ryan and Stephanie for dinner in Wentzville (about 20 minutes away). I realized at that point why I have always been so used to Sam's clock. When I say 6pm to Ali, it means, "Oh, 6 or 8 or 8:30...whatever feels good at the moment."
The greatest part was calling him over and over again at 6:25 and he finally called me back and said, "Did you just call me 3 times in a row?"
Uhhhh....yeah. We needed to be at dinner 1 minute ago. He thought I had said 8. Even when I talked to him at 5 and said that I'd see him in an hour. Wow. I love that boy.

Seeing that Ryan used to crash on Ali's floor (yeah, it's time you all learned that we were wandering hoodlums from 2001-2002), Ryan was already privy to the way that Ali's clock works and was able to push dinner back by half an hour. Everyone I had talked to said that 54th Street Grille was a great place with cheap food. The thing that I wasn't aware of was the fact that they serve 5,ooo calorie portion sizes and their buffalo chicken sandwich technically doesn't include chicken. Who knew??

After picking through an inch of fried stuff to find whatever was in the middle and discussing the fears that Steph has of birthing her child (which was technically due yesterday), we decided to go to Fritz's for some ice cream. I made the mistake of ordering a vanilla concrete with peanut butter. I had no idea that it was going to taste exactly like I was eating spoonfuls of peanut butter out of the jar. For anything thinking about doing the same thing, let me warn you...it will be awesome for about 4 bites and then suddenly get sickening. Seriously. Have you ever tried to eat a jar of peanut butter? It's not easy.

At 9:30, we decided to call it a night. Mission accomplished. I had successfully made myself ill off of strawberry shake, bits of "chicken", and peanut butter with a side of ice cream.

A bracelet for a baseball game? That's a first.

2010-05-07T12:11:00.001-04:00

Tuesday:

I don't remember much about Tuesday morning, but let's just assume that I woke up.

At 11:30, I went to meet my friend Rhonda at her parents' house in Lake St. Louis. You know that feeling you get when you go back to a place that you haven't been in awhile? The smell takes you back to when you were 16. With the amount of change that has happened in my life in the last 10 years, that house is one of the very few places I can still go back to and get the same feelings I had when I was a teenager. Sure, her old bedroom has now been transformed into a playroom for when her adorable children visit their grandparents and there have been a few updates, but when you walk in the door you will still be greeted with love by whatever part of the family happens to be home. You will still find her mom genuinely concerned with how you are doing. It's not that I had forgotten how much I love this family, but it was so great having the reminder.

After visiting with her mom for a little while and watching the kids show me how fast they can run, Rhonda and I made our way to El Maguey for the Mexican I didn't get on Monday. I hadn't realized how long it had been since we'd had an actual conversation and there was so much to catch up on. The great thing about real friends is that it doesn't matter how long you go without talking, you can still fall back into your friendship like you saw each other a week ago. Seeing that we finished our meal and stuck around for awhile after (with a few questioning looks by some Mexicans), I would say that it was a successful lunch.

After dropping Rhonda back off at her parents' house, I went home and got ready for the Cardinals game that night. Ali was running late (he had forgotten to mention that he was buying a new car that day), so Thomas, Laura, and I just went on without him (I'm not completely mean, Seth and Angelo were coming downtown later and said they'd pick him up on the way). The plan was to go to the John and Jill Ruggeri's new restaurant Gio's (which happens to be next to the stadium) and talk to Jill for awhile. Jill ended up not being there, so we had a few drinks and engaged in a little light conversation with John. Although I had worked at his restaurant and babysat his children for years and years, this was probably the most that John and I had ever had a continuous conversation in our lives.

Around 6:15, we made our way to our seats at the stadium. I had made the decision that the all-inclusive Legends Club seats were the way to go. After doing a little math in my head after the game, I'm starting to believe that maybe sitting closer to the field and just buying our food would have been cheaper. Oh, well...you live, you learn...and the fudge brownies were de-lish.

At one point near the end of the game, a foul ball was hit along the first base line and I saw two guys catch it and start hugging it out like it was the most magical moment ever. At the time I thought, "Hmmm...those queer looking fellows look familiar..."

When we made our way to Show-Me's (the second-rate Hooters of Missouri) after the game, we learned that those guys looked familiar for a reason. Seth and Angelo had caught the foul ball. When Seth showed Logan the foul ball the next day, he touched it and excitedly asked, "Can I play t-ball with it?" (Awwww, sweet Logie...thinking that you will be able to make use of a ball that will ultimately end up sitting around, collecting dust...how cute are you??)
My favorite part of the evening was when I heard the classy waitress scream from behind the bar and turned to look at her bringing everyone their chicken wings. When she was dropping them all off she was sure to warn us not to ever get chicken wing sauce in an open cut. The only thing I could focus on was the fact that she just informed us that her open wound touched our food. Needless to say, I stuck with water that night.

Porky Pig

2010-05-06T08:20:00.003-04:00

Monday:

I'm starting to believe that this "blog about every single day" idea was a bad one, but I shall continue on and allow you to suffer through it with me...

Monday morning I woke up and walked by Thomas (who was already up for work) and asked how he slept and if he wanted anything for breakfast. I then got a bowl of cereal and walked back into the living room where he proceeded to ask me, "Hey! When did you get up?"

Apparently, my grandparents aren't the only ones that can't differentiate between my mom's voice and mine (although, he stands firm in his argument that he just didn't expect me to be awake, so he just assumed that it was my mom talking to him...I guess I can choose to believe him).

Around noon, I went to my mom's work to meet her for lunch, which ended up being more of an event than we had originally anticipated. First we tried El Tio Pepe (Who says I don't ever have an opinion? I wanted Mexican, darnit!), but my poor little Mexican joint had burnt down. We then went with my mom's choice of Great Harvest Bread Company, but apparently they are closed (errrr...."loafin'", as it said on the door) on Mondays. When my mom and I had both exhausted our first choices, we just put a bunch of restaurant names in a hat and drew one out (I'm kidding...we didn't have a hat in the car, we put the names in a tin can). We eventually ended up at Chili's.

After lunch, I went to the grocery store, went home and made random sides to go with the BBQ my mom was bringing home after work until it was dinner time (why are all of these blogs about eating?? Dang...seriously...). Seth, Laura, Logan, Sadie, and my grandparents came over around 5:30 and we hung out and ate BBQ (or "Porky Pig", as Logan calls it...which is a little disturbing since he won't eat pork unless you tell him it's that lovable cartoon character with a speech impediment). After eating about 5 bites of dinner, Logan wanted to go watch Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs for about 5 minutes until he was on to his next activity. Eventually, everyone just went home, Thomas went downstairs to watch fuzzy TV and I fell asleep on the couch around 8:30. Go ahead and say it...I know you want to. I'm a freaking party animal.

Detour!

2010-05-05T21:06:00.003-04:00

I'm taking a slight break from the 10 day vacation blogging extravaganza to share a video of a friend of mine that was on Fox and Friends.

I met this guy (Adam's older brother) almost 10 years ago and he is arguably the quietest (and shyest) dude I've ever met in my life.

The reason he was on Fox and Friends is because his pit crew (he's on Jeff Burton's pit crew) won the Pit Crew Challenge and he was there to show them how a catch can man does what he does.

If you want to fast forward the video (which wouldn't let me embed, so you'll have to click on the link) to 6:10, you'll see Andy (he's the only guy wearing a hat)...

After the Show Show: 5/4

My favorite parts of the video, you ask? (Don't deny it...you are dying to know...)
1. Andy is very much a smoker (well, unless he's recently switched exclusively to the chaw). I believe that's why his pit crew fellows were chuckling.
2. Around 3 minutes in, he disappears thinking that he won't be interviewed. Nice try, Andy, nice try...
3. Interviewer: "Prilosec is one of your sponsors? That stuff works great, right?" Andy: "I don't take it." (Way to sell it, buddy...)

"I mean, I love America too...but I'm not gonna put it on my car."

2010-05-04T10:39:00.000-04:00

Sunday:

I really wish I had more to talk about when it comes to the Sunday that we left for St. Louis. What it boils down to is that Thomas picked me up at 7am and we drove 13 hours to get to St. Louis (an extra hour due to the fact that the NCDOT was about 3 months late on cleaning up the rock slide in Asheville and we had to take the scenic route, which is actually a lot less scenic than the original route).

During this trip, we were able to bear witness to a giant Confederate flag along the highway and many, many American flags on the back of various cars. I've come to the conclusion that Tennessee is the most patriotic state in America. We also took a bit of a detour through Carthage...and North Carthage, Tennessee in an attempt to find something de-lish to eat. What we ended up finding was a lot of run down and closed buildings with a few creepy looking people sprinkled about the town. Needless to say, we didn't stop and we ended up at a quaint little eatery, creatively named "Arby's".

I was also able entertain Thomas by pointing out every landmark from Rend Lake, IL on into St. Peters, MO...which was roughly the last 3 hours of the trip. I can't confirm this, but I really think he enjoyed it and was fascinated with the vast knowledge that I was dumping all over him like slime at the Kids' Choice Awards (wow...a Kids' Choice Awards reference....this blog just keeps getting better and better...).

When we made it to my mom's house at 8 that night, I immediately ran out to grab an Imo's Pizza for dinner. I either was really hungry or I really love Imo's. Either way...I was really happy by 8:27.

I really don't think we did much else that night...so now you get to wait until tomorrow's post to see what we did on Monday. Isn't reading a blog about every day fun? No?? Oh, well...get over yourself.

I only took one picture on the way to STL. At one point, I started believing that Thomas only drank those Starbucks Mocha drinks so that he would have a handy container to spit his sunflower seeds in.

Gotta love a 6PM bedtime.

2010-05-03T18:50:00.000-04:00

Saturday:

When my alarm went off at 5am, it felt as if I had just fallen asleep (I can't imagine why). I eventually rolled out of bed and made it to Chris' house by 6:15. Brian, Thomas, Chris, and I then drove down to Ballentyne to make it to the ALS walk by 6:45.

By the time we got there, the rain had started and the set-up maps were passed out. After taking roughly 34 minutes to figure out the map (I'm what would be considered "directionally challenged"), we started tossing tables and tents all over the joint.

It is a little weird that my favorite part of the whole walk was the bluetooth guy (does anything make someone look like a doucher more than a bluetooth permanently attached to their head??) that dramatically gave me the critical task of making sure that everyone eats something (it was described as "the most important job"). Now, personally, I believe that if you are over the age of 3, you have the ability to decide if you are hungry or not. Do I really need to run around and shove bagels down a 32 year old's throat? Well, maybe for fun...sure, but because they couldn't take the time to simmer down and grab a bite to eat? Probably not.

After the walk (and after Brian won a fabulous shop-vac gift pack), we cleaned everything up (which is a heckuvalot easier than setting everything up) and made our way to Red Robin (with a slight detour) for some lunch. When lunch was over, I went home to finish packing and to take a nap.

My nap began at 6pm...and lasted for about 11 hours.

Hey mom...guess what? I blogged.

2010-05-02T22:12:00.000-04:00

When I was in St. Louis this past week, it seemed like every day my mom would sit at the computer desk and say, "Ohhh...you didn't write a blog today."

Now looking back, I think maybe it would have been easier to blog while on vacation. At least then I would have remembered everything that happened.

So in my attempt to suck as many blogs out of this vacation as possible (look who is lacking material!), I'm going to blog about every. single. day. You read that right, dear blog reader, you are getting 10 separate blogs about one vacation. How lucky for you!

Day 1:

I had high hopes for Friday when I woke up, which is a good thing since it started off awesome and only got awesomer. What made it so awesome, you ask? (Let's pretend that you ask a lot of questions.)
Well, not one thing in particular (I'm lying...it was the first day of having 10 days off in a row. How could someone NOT have an amazing day??)

After spending the day packing for vacay and having a little baking fun, I went over to Papa and Lulu's house to pick up Brian to take him over to Thomas' hizzy for some BBQ action. I should have known that Brian would be running behind (in no way is that a slam on Brian, but isn't it about time that I learned that past experiences should dictate future expectations??). Not that it was a big deal, I just hung out on the couch with Brian's brother Bob for about half an hour. We discussed a wide range of fascinating topics including (but obviously not limited to) trees, Arkansas, college, and bugs.

When Brian got home, we made our way to the Lervkins abode (I've just recently figured out/"been told" where the name Lervkins came from. Wow. Sometimes I feel really dumb). There was some pretty intense BBQness happening and to be perfectly honest, I kind of wish I took some of the leftover pork (you know....if there was some actually left over).

Post-dinner, we broke out the Apples to Apples. After 5 rousing games, we called it a night so that we could get enough sleep for Saturday's early morning ALS walk...

Ohhhhh....sexy time!

2010-04-24T09:15:00.000-04:00

FINALLY! Someone posted it!

I wanna knowwwwwwww....if you wanna get together....

(If you just want to see Amos break down some Shai, get about 6 minutes into this video. He apparently didn't like the Atlanta crowd as much as he liked the Charlotte crowd, because he didn't sing the whole dang song like I have recorded on my cell.)

I grew up on the street. Oh, no...not the 'hood. The Sesame Street.

2010-04-23T09:04:00.001-04:00

I realize that no one will find this as funny as I did, but I've kept this episode of Scrubs on my DVR for about a year and a half now.

Apparently, I didn't have to since someone was cool enough to put all of the best parts together in a youtube video.

A quick word about Scrubs, I'm sad that the original is over...I'm even sadder that they tried to continue it on with a completely different cast in a completely different situation. We've seen this done before and it never works. Saved By The Bell: The New Class, anyone???

I'm really not sure why they thought taking a brilliant show (yes, I thought it was brilliant) with not-so-great ratings and making it stupid would save the ratings. But then again, why ask why??

Now THAT is a majestic beard!

2010-04-16T07:11:00.002-04:00

My oldest friend in the world (our moms have been friends since they were teenagers and we've been friends since he was born 2 months after me) Ryan told me about this dude 3 years ago and I did the classic, "Yeah, yeah, yeah...you know nothing about music, go back to your Britney Spears, fool!"
Okay, I didn't really say that to him. We actually have very similar taste in music, but for some reason I was into my music at the time and I kind of put William Fitzsimmons on the back burner and forgot about him.

Fast forward to last week when I bought a song on iTunes and it recommended ol' Fitzsimmons to me. I loved the sound bites so much that I actually ordered his album online so that I'd have the hard copy of it (I feel so corporate when I say things like "hard copy"...maybe I can add "roll out" and "go live" to this blog and people will be all crazy-confused as to whether or not it's my blog or a corporate memo).

I researched him a bit today and found out a few interesting facts, such as the fact that he is touring in Germany at the moment. Okay, that's not very interesting. What was interesting was the fact that he is the son of two blind parents (hence the coke bottle glasses) and sounds were very important in his house (What wasn't important in his house, you ask??? The use of a razor.) He also has his Masters to be a mental health therapist. Dang...helping the mentally ill makes for some great music.

Personally, I'm a fan of the tattoo on his forearm, which is "grace" in Hebrew. (Sidenote: Hey Chris, if you still want to get a tattoo on your forearm...pick that one. Grace will always be important and I can't imagine you regretting that tat in 10 years. Mom, please back me up in that sentiment.)

So, while I love his original stuff (ask me if you want to take a listen, you know I love sharing)...I saw this cover of Kanye West's Heartless on iTunes. I'm not going to lie. He's a bazillionty times better than Kanye.

PS. I just friended him on Facebook and this was his most recent status update:

"Remember that kid in 3rd grade who would eat handfuls of shredded cheese right from the bowl on taco day? That was me. Gosh I miss taco day."

I dare you not to love this guy.

PPS. This is Ryan's favorite song. Just thought I'd throw it in here as an added bonus. You're welcome, my lovelies.

An Answer to Julie's Starbucks Guy Blog...

2010-04-15T16:55:00.004-04:00

Dear Creepy Guy That Keeps Staring At Me In the Waiting Room,

Although you are 47 (and look roughly 62) and I am usually a fan of an older gentleman, I am not a fan of you. Let me count the reasons:

1. You're cross-eyed. And not in the fun kind of way.
2. Your hair is longer than mine. And my hair seems to be getting pretty long as of late. (Note to self: Get a haircut.)
3. You are wearing a strange hybrid of bandana, hat, and Zumba pants on top of your head.
4. You said that you "enjoy the scenery" when you were referring to looking at me. I only find that flattering when I'm about 3 glasses of wine in.
5. You are wearing the Nascar Digger rodent shirt that they feature on Fox during races. Not only is this shirt existing on your body, but you also have it tucked into your high-waisted man jeans in an extreme sort of fashion. It's so tight, that I swear I can see your nips through it.

There are a few more reasons, but I feel that I should save those for the next time you come in and stare at me. And just so you know, while getting male attention usually does help with my self-esteem, your attention seems to have the opposite effect.

Thank you so much,
Sarah

PS. If you actually come in again, I'm not afraid to get a restraining order against you.

Cancer blows.

2010-04-14T09:18:00.002-04:00

I got an email from my BFF Ali this morning, saying that he is the captain of his team for the American Cancer Society Relay For Life.

If you know anything about me, you know that I hold this cause very dear to my heart.

Please...donate $5 or $10 to help Ali meet his goal.

I would count it as a personal favor.

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY10PL?px=9670896&pg=personal&fr_id=23708

Dang. That would suck.

2010-04-13T18:31:00.002-04:00

Poor Oprah.

I hear that she has a new unauthorized biography coming out where someone (a very stupid someone, who obviously is doing it for the benjamins, baby) interviewed 800 (only Oprah could have 800 people that consider themselves "close") of her closest friends and family and dug up some crazy dirt.

It's not that I really feel super bad for Oprah, I mean...she's Oprah. But, how awful would that be to have someone decide that they are going to write a book about you and interview all of the people from your life. True, there will be some people that will paint you in a great light, but what about the people that don't have warm-fuzzy thoughts about you? Let's not lie, everyone has someone that doesn't care for them (even if it has no real foundation). The problem lies in the fact that people actually care about Oprah and will believe all of the crap that is in this book.

Back to my point of this post...

I thought about this the other day when I thought that I had nothing to hide and could totally be president (someone was profiling John Edwards and it's well known that that dude has some skeletons; that's what made me think "president").

What would be the worst thing that someone could write about you and who would sell you out??

Hopefully your parents wouldn't like Oprah's dad did. That crap has gotta burn...

The last person on my list to get advice from...

2010-04-10T18:05:00.003-04:00

I read today that Kate Gosselin is going to be starring in a new show called Twist of Kate (let me first say that I use the word "starring" quite lightly). The premise of the show is that she will be traveling around the country, helping real families with their everyday challenges.

I'm just going to let that seep into your skin for a moment.

1. Where in her life is she proving that she should be an advice giver? Is it more of a "don't be like me" scenario?
2. Who is taking care of her kids?
3. Why is no one seeming to understand that she is the devil's sidekick?
4. Who would actually invite her into their home?
5. What in her life made her so mean?
6. What kind of challenges are we talking about? The inability to pick an effective hairstyle?
7. WHY?!?!?!?!?!?! And...would anyone actually watch??? Since the kids aren't allowed to be on the show (and the only reason I watched in the first place was the shorty with glasses, Aaden, was just so darn adorable), does anyone want to watch the nag? No. Not a person on this planet...except for maybe Jon's lawyers to prove that she remains a horrible mother.

If I could pick any reality star to come help with my "everyday challenges", I would absolutely pick Michelle Duggar. Her organizational skills are mad awesome (and she has a soothing voice...who doesn't like a soothing voice???)

Disregard the screaming at the beginning...

2010-04-09T14:38:00.003-04:00

When I'm out in the real world and I think of something or find a song that I really love, I'll always make a memo to myself on my phone to find it at a later date. Today I am cleaning out my memos and I found a memo that I wrote to myself at the Amos Lee concert.

He has a new song (that I can only imagine will be titled "Stay") on his yet to be released new album and I loved it so much that I quite literally had tears in my eyes when he was singing it. Since I can't have this on my iTunes quite yet, I thought I'd post it to my blog...

PS. Other things that I've found on my phone today? The song that I heard while at Corkscrew with Thomas (Citizen Cope "Sideways") and the website that I saw when I was in Boston, babiesfirstheadgear.com.

PSS. Here is another new song he played ("Learned a Lot")...it scares me that there has been no announcement as to when he's going to be releasing his new album.

I don't do nearly enough of these things...

2010-04-08T12:16:00.004-04:00

What do I do when I can't think of anything to write about?? I do a survey, because I know at least one person will be happy.

What is on your bed right now? Pillows and blankets and a dead body (promise you won't tell anyone).

Name 3 people who made you smile today? Debbie (I was more trying to stifle laughter, but a smile did creep across my face in my attempt to do so), Angelo (he's a funny dude), and a few patients (it's a law that we have to smile at them).

What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Smoking a crack pipe and talking to a patient about life.

What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Talking to another patient about life. We talk about life a lot at work.

What is your favorite holiday? Columbus Day, by far.

What is the last thing you said aloud? "Great white buffalo..."

What is the best ice cream flavor? Vanilla...on top of a warm brownie...with whip cream and magic on top.

Have you bought any new clothing items this week? I bought a dress for a wedding and a shirt for a baseball game.

When was the last time you ran? Monday. It was going well until the stupid ho that wears entirely too much perfume got on the treadmill next to me and I felt like I was breathing in poison.

What's the last sporting event you watched? Well, baseball is on TV right now. But if we're talking about a live game. Ummm....errr...oh, crap. I have no idea.

Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on Facebook? I told my aunt Gwen happy birthday. It was really personal and heartfelt....thank God for the Facebook birthday reminder.

Ever go camping? Yes. It lasted from about 7pm to 6am. I am NOT a camper and there is no such thing as a "happy camper" in my world.

Do you have a tan? Thomas recently called me "tan-tastic".

Do you use smiley faces on the computer alot? Absolutely! :) ;D :( :\ :D ;)

Do you drink your soda from a straw? If it's from a can, no. If it's from a glass with ice in it, yes. I hate the feeling of ice against my teeth. Plus, I'm not a dude and I have to pretend that I wear lipstick (which I absolutely don't).

What did your last text message say? Outgoing: "Okie dokie, then. You sleep well, my dear!" Incoming (Ha! I love this!): "You're the bees knees. The cat's pajamas. The kitten's mittens. The tits, the shiz, and the bomb, baby-cakes!"

Are you someone's best friend? I wish.

What are you doing tomorrow? Sleeping in until 9am and then I may try to talk a certain someone into going to get some lunch. Other than that, I'm open for suggestions.

Where is your mom right now? At work. Or at a concert. Or hanging out with a band of some kind. Or on vacation. Wow...there are so many places that you could be, momzy...

What color is your watch? I have a silver watch, but I don't really wear it to work.

What do you think of when you think of Australia? "THE DINGO ATE MY BABY!" (Wait? Was that Australia?? Oh, well...it feels right.)

Ever ridden on a roller coaster? Who hasn't?

What is your birthstone? Amethyst. Jealous?

Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Who goes inside when there is a drive-thru available? If I'm going to eat fast food, I'm not going to exercise (even when that exercise consists of getting out of the car and walking inside a building)!

Last person you talked to on your cell? Last night I called Sam and she responded with, "I'm getting the boys in the car, let me call you from the road."
Not surprisingly, I didn't hear from her. I was the fool to think she meant, "Let me call you when I get the boys in the car TODAY."

Any plans today? Thomas and I are going to Red Rocks and then Corkscrew.

Are you happy? I'm always happy.

Biggest annoyance in your life right now? A certain someone who likes to talk A LOT about nonsense.

Last song listened to? The Fray "All at Once" is on Muzak right now. Did you know that sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same?

Last movie you saw? The Bounty Hunter. I wouldn't recommend it.

Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? I wear my sneakers about 80% of the time. But my favorite shoes are my brown flippies. Ohhhh, how I've missed you, flippies...

Are you married? Thanks for pointing that out, stupid survey.

Do any of your friends have children? When they start having kids, I don't let them be my friend anymore. THAT will give you something to think about once you start talking about procreation with your spouse, blog reader...

Do you use the word 'hello' daily? "Hello"? No. "Hi"? Yes.

How many kids do you want when you're older? 2 or 1 or 0 or whatever number happens to pop out of me.

How did you get one of your scars? I ran through a burning building to save a box of kittens and I tripped and skinned my knee. Oh, wait...that's not what happened. I was playing tennis and slid on the wet court. I prefer the burning building story, though.

How did it know that!??!?

2010-04-07T10:34:00.000-04:00

My work has been trying to implement a program for a few months now where everyone is family and the only thing you feel when you come to work is sunshine, rainbows, and butterflies. I find it a little funny since in our center there are about 5 core people and then a few add-ons every once in awhile. We've all worked together since we opened 3 years ago and in such tight quarters, you are bound to become family. I don't know a family on this planet that is 100% great, 100% of the time...so really, I'm not sure how we can become more like a family than we already are.

In our attempt to become more "family-like", we did a DiSC profile (I'm not sure why the "i" is little, I suppose he must have an inferiority complex). There are roughly 239 questions where you pick the thing that is most like you and it will shoot out a few pages of personality results. Now these things aren't words like "emotional" (which I am) or "unemotional" (which I am definitely not). No, no, no...these questions are like, "Feather. Ladder. Boat. Cat."

I mean, OBVIOUSLY I am most like a boat, right? That was an easy question. My point is that it was always 4 things that had no correlation with each other and it was supposed to tell me how awesome I am.

After an afternoon of question-answering (I say "afternoon", but what I meant to say was "15 minutes"), my results came out.

Does anyone want to take a guess to my number one characteristic? Go ahead...I'll give you a minute....

*Be sure to let a minute pass before you continue reading*

Sarcastic.

Because I picked boat, suddenly this stupid profile thinks I'm sarcastic!

Now, I can't be absolutely sure, but I think it may be a little off. Apparently other words that describe me include decisive, adventuresome, change-oriented, and demanding. The words that I completely agree with are emotional and gregarious.

Apparently I was put into the Inspirational Pattern. Some of the highlights include:

Emotions: accepts aggression, downplays need for affection (HA!)
Judges others by: projection of personal strength, character, and social power
Under pressure: becomes manipulative, quarrelsome, or belligerent (that was my personal favorite)
Fears: weak behavior

Wow. All of that information came from me answering "boat".

Who woulda thought??

I certainly hope my work can be more family-like now that we took this very insightful quiz (that I believe was probably originally printed in the back of a Teen magazine).

Why is no one calling them ho-bags??

2010-04-05T21:11:00.002-04:00

I can understand people being absolutely horrified at Tiger's behavior. Although he has stated that he has a "sex addiction", there seems to be a general consensus that "sex addiction" is a made up disorder. As someone told me recently, "He doesn't have a dang sex addiction, he's a guy with no morals!"

Amen to that. The guy is a Grade A hornball with zero morals.

The thing I don't understand is that all of these women that are coming forward are being victimized in the media.
"Poor thing! He only bought her a Subway sandwich!"
"She asked him for help and he said he couldn't!"
"When he flew her to where he was, he didn't even fly her in first class!"

What happened to women saying, "No, you jerk...you're MARRIED."???????

My favorite quote was from the waitress who said that she asked Tiger where his wife was and when he said she was in Sweden, they had sex on the kitchen floor. She was amazed that he had fine stainless steel appliances.

SERIOUSLY??!?
1. You can't pretend that you didn't know he had a wife. YOU ASKED WHERE SHE WAS.
2. You are selling your story and the only thing you can think of to say is that he had nice appliances?
3. You're ugly. Like crazy ugly. Like you belong in the Rocky Horror Picture Show ugly.

Let me reiterate...in no way am I condoning Tiger's behavior. I just want to pretend that there is at least one girl on this planet that can say, "Yes, Tiger propositioned me...and I said no."

This winner only got to fly economy class. How sad for her. She should probably get naked and cry about how she wasn't treated better by a guy that cheats on his wife.

This Rocky Horror Picture Show ho met Elin and Tiger at the restaurant that she waitressed at and decided it was okay to sleep with Tiger because he didn't seem that into his wife while they were eating at the diner. Well, as long as she has a scientific equation to figure out if it's okay if she sleeps with a married man, I suppose it's okay then...

These are supposed to be hard to answer.

2010-04-03T14:32:00.000-04:00

You will die in three minutes. Last call? You. Most definitely you.

If you could do anything OR wish anything, what would it be? Does the wish come true? Because if it's a wish that doesn't come true, then that's just dumb. If it does come true, I'd wish for more wishes. That's what all of the smart people do.

You are walking to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you if you are late one more time you're fired. Do you save the dog? How many times have I been late to work? Geez, this hypothetical me has a pretty poor work ethic.

Would you or have you ever blackmailed someone? Many times.

Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you do it? Would it be bad if I said no? Because he totally got to live well into his 80's and Facebook told me the other day that I'm going to die when I'm 30. I really don't want to die at 29.

Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? Absolutely! Kinda! I think!

Are you old fashioned? I'm kind of an intense hybrid of old fashioned and new fashioned.

What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back? Ohhhh...definitely that you do not love them back. If you have a problem telling people that you love them, then you may need to plant a seed and grow a heart.

Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Of course. Who wouldn't?

You are holding onto your grandmother's dying hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other which one would it be? Wait. 1. Why would someone even think of this question to ask? 2. My grams is already dying? 3. Is the baby cute?

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Oh, sure. Why not?

Tell me about the last dream you remember having? Do you really care? How awesome is it when people say, "Let me tell you about this weird dream I had last night."???

What comes to mind when I say cabbage? Cabbage patch dolls (which I used to call my "Patchy Patch doll")...and oddly enough, the coleslaw from 131 Main.

Are you emotional? Not even a little bit.

Would you dance to the taco song? What the crap is the taco song??

Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? I'm not sure I know anyone that bites into their ice cream.

Have you ever met a celebrity? Depends on who you consider a celebrity, but yes.

What are you listening to right now? Janet Jackson on Oprah. Wow...she sounds so much like Michael Jackson, it's a little creepy.

How many countries have you visited? Just Mexico and Canada.

Are your parents strict? Were they? Yes. Are they now? Nope. Not even a little bit.

Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? Absolutely. (Seriously, why do all of these surveys ask a question about GWB???)

Would you throw potatoes at him? WHAT kind of question is that?!?!?! One, no. I would not throw anything at him. I would be interested in talking to him. Two...holy crap...I would NEVER waste a potato.

Do you rent movies often? I would like to have the time, but I really don't. I just have too much stuff on DVR to watch. My life is so darn hard.

Do you own a gun? Nope. My brother inherited those from my diddy. But I've definitely pulled the trigger a few times.

Who are you going to be with tonight? Beth. The boys are playing poker and we are the only two girls left in Charlotte. (Yes, we are the ONLY two girls left in the city of Charlotte...I'm starting to like my chances of finding a man out here...)

Brown or white eggs? I ain't racist.

Do you own something from Hot Topic? Like a rusty razor?? Nah...

Ever been in love? Absolutely.

Are you too forgiving? HA! Wow. A little bit.

Do you use lip balm? Someone at work pointed out yesterday that I pretty much only use lip balm.

Can you use chop sticks? Not so much. My man hands get in the way. I can if I try really hard, but eating sushi really shouldn't be THAT difficult.

Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? I don't think I've seen it, but the concept was actually in the movie I saw last night (Hot Tub Time Machine). I absolutely believe in the idea that one tiny thing can change the future in a major way.

What was the last question you asked? I'm quite sure it was in this blog. Just a sec..."Like a rusty razor?"

What was the last CD you bought? Mutlu. He opened for Amos Lee and was quite good.

Boys or girls? In what context? I would prefer to mate with a boy. If I ever had a baby, I'd want it to be a boy. I generally get along with boys better. Wow. I guess in all areas, I'd go with "boy".

What was your bus number for school? I can not believe that I remember this. Wow...I have a horrible memory, but I happen to remember that I had two buses between 6th-9th grade: #19 & #33.

Are you sarcastic? Yes. Very. It seems to get me into trouble.

Do you have any tattoos? Not a very cool one, but it's the only one I'll ever have. Many people don't even believe me when I say that I have one...even when I show it to them.

The last person you held hands with? Gasp! What a personal question! That's none of your dang business!

Do you sleep with the TV on? I put it on sleep.

Where was your default picture taken at? On Facebook? In Baton Rouge at a LSU game with the Fisicaros and Chris. On the blog, it was at Thomas Street Tavern for Julie's going away party.

Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? I don't hate people. But, sure...I dislike a few people.

What was the most recent thing you bought? Groceries.

Could you ever forgive a cheater? Yes. But as I've said a bajillionty times before, I'd rather not know that I've been cheated on. Wait! No! I should say that I'd actually rather just not be cheated on, thankyouverymuch.

It made me smile.

2010-04-02T15:25:00.003-04:00

Let me start off by saying that I'm not normally one for finding pets adorable. Of course I love Gary, but when it comes to random dog calendars and other such nonsense...well, don't expect me to swoon.

The other day I was perusing the interweb (yup, I just called it the "interweb") and saw this picture on MSN. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or be creeped out.

Either way, this picture was taken by a woman who gave her dog a 1st birthday party and noticed that her dog was smiling. I'm trying my best to not judge a woman who would give her dog a 1st birthday party, but whatever...the dog looks almost like a little boy in a dog costume, that may or may not have smoked a joint.

See what I mean?? Creepy, yet adorable...

I promise to continue to live la vida loca...

2010-03-29T20:32:00.000-04:00

Not you too, Ricky Martin, not you too...

Quick question: Is there a person on this planet who could possibly be shocked?

I'm pretty sure my 6 year old nephew was quoted as saying, "Who is Ricky Martin? Oh...yeah...that guy? I always knew he was into dudes. Not that there's anything wrong with that."
(Do you like how my nephew quoted Seinfeld when the show had ended long before he was even born?? He's just that culturally aware...)

Props to Ricky Martin for finally admitting something we've all known since 1999. Have fun being the equivalent of Santa Claus in gay pride parades...

You see, I already have a plan. I'm waiting for my real life to begin.

2010-03-28T08:08:00.000-04:00

I went to a concert this month (actually, I think I've gone to roughly 43 concerts this month...I must be channeling my mom somehow) and the singer said something that made me think, "If you're not getting happier as you get older, then you're messing up..."

I'm not sure if she meant to be so profound (yes, I found this more profound than "I write songs about people") and maybe it didn't strike anyone else as a bit of brilliance, but...how true is that statement??

How many times have I thought about the happiest times in my life and wondered where those times went? I'm not talking about when I was a 7 year old and was blissfully unaware of real life. I am talking about when I've longed for the times (be it 3 years ago, 6 months ago, or last week) where I was completely happy. You would think that the older you get, the more you'd figure out the things that make you happy and quit doing the things that make you, well, unhappy.

After putting some thought to it, I believe I've figured it out. The times I am happiest are when I am able to surround myself with the people in my life that allow me to be myself. The people I know that will love and support me no matter how dramatic or crazy I can be. The moment I start trying to be someone that I'm not to please the people I don't care about...that's when I start falling off the imaginary happy train (I totally just made up the "imaginary happy train"...see how crazy I can be?!?!).

So, to the person who will sit beside me on the couch and not need to say a word, to the person that will think logically for me while I can't help but think emotionally, to the person who is my twin and is required by law to love me (I'll see you in a month, momzy! I love you!!), to the person that will just listen, to the person that pushes me to be a better me...to the people that make me truly happy...thank you for loving me in spite of myself. You mean more to me than words can say.

Where did you come up with that?

2010-03-27T10:31:00.000-04:00

I know I've talked about music too much lately, but this isn't necessarily about music. It's just about the dumb stuff that musicians say. Okay, really just one musician in particular. I was going to put this on my Facebook status, but I wanted to remember how this struck me as a really dumb thing to say and my blog seems more permanent than the fickle world of online social networking.

I could go on a tirade right now about the awesome stuff that John Mayer spews out of his mouth, but that would be too easy.

I fear I'm starting to build this blog up too much, please prepare yourself for a let down. I'm really just writing this one for me. I think it's funny that some famous people try to sound insanely profound and they just come off as a third grader trying to sound profound.

Daniel Merriweather (one of the current Vh1 Artists You Oughta Know) was interviewed about what he writes his music about and he replied, "I write my music about people."

NO KIDDING?!?! You don't try to focus your musical talent on your dog and the fact that he likes to lick the space where his balls used to be?? You don't like to write your music about the indigestion you got from the 32 layer burrito you ate entirely too fast? Really?? Songs about people?? You don't say...

Screw You, HOR-MONES.

2010-03-26T14:21:00.000-04:00

The other day one of my favorite patients came in. To keep his identity under wraps, I'll just say that he's between the ages of 60 and 100 and we'll call him Mr. P. Wait...no...that's no fun. Let's call him "Master P". Because, well, that's just more enjoyable.

Master P is old school Mooresville. If you don't know what that means, it's pretty much the equivalent of "old school Wentzville" or "old school any-town-in-the-state-of-Kansas". He's your grandpa (if your grandpa is a farmer and has a really southern accent). You see, the fun thing about Master P is that he doesn't just come in for exams. No, no, no...he comes in to share his life. He's like the warm hug that breaks up your day between the drug-infused Medicaid patients (I'm not stereotyping...it's a fact that a lot of NC Medicaid patients are on some kind of drug. Please notice that I didn't say "all NC Medicaid patients are on some kind of drug") and the women from Lake Norman who come in to have something checked out because their hunky personal trainer just pushed them too far. (PS. It is a fact that all LKN women will complain about their tennis elbow far more than a cancer patient will complain about the fact that they have 6 months to live. I honestly have yet to meet a mean cancer patient.)

Okay, sorry...I digress. Back to Master P. So, he'll come in when he's running around town just to say hi. I love that. Does he need anything? Nah...he just says that he likes to see a smiling face (believe it or not, I smile a lot at work...that's probably why I have kind of a stone cold look on my face outside of work; I'm just resting my smile-er for the next time I'm at work). This particular time he came in to discuss something or other about hormone shots that he has to take for a disease he is in the beginning stages of. These aren't manly hormones he's having to endure, though. No...these are the girly kind of hormones and he said something that made me think.

"Well, I'm startin' to grow boobs. Not big ones, of course. My wife just noticed them. Also...I cry all of the time now. Now I know what you women have to deal with. It just comes at the drop of a hat. From a commercial...a commercial!"

FINALLY! A man that understands that the tears can't be helped! How wonderful would it be if every guy you know had to deal with just one day of hormones. Not because of some horrible disease, of course. Just one day where they would watch that Folgers commercial where Peter comes home and they start bawling their eyes out. One day where they feel unbearably bipolar.

Just one day. That's all I'm askin'.

So Much Shouting, So Much Laughter

2010-03-15T12:44:00.004-04:00

Adam text messaged me on Thursday to see if I wanted to go to see Ani Difranco on Friday as a birthday present. Of course I said that I would love to. There is no way to think back to moving into my first apartment at 18 and not think of her music.

It was the first time that Adam and I had hung out by ourselves in almost 2 years and it was nice catching up. Like every other Ani show that we've ever been to (and there have been quite a few), we were willing her to play our songs. Naturally, with a music library of about 300 songs, she didn't play them, but I took the liberty of finding them on youtube for your viewing pleasure. The thing with Ani is that she doesn't really do music videos, but I did happen to find videos that people pieced clips from Grey's Anatomy and Scrubs together and made their own videos.

This is the song that Adam always had for me:

This is the song that I always had for Adam (disregard all of the making out...if you listen to the words, it really has nothing to do with that...and yes, he was offended when I first told him that this was his song):

It wouldn't be an evening out if I didn't make a fool of myself at some point. After getting some dinner and getting there right before the show, there was standing room only left and I went to find someone that worked there to ask if there were any upgrades to VIP (Adam and I agreed that it blows to stand amongst the smell of nag champa and patchouli). I tapped on the shoulder of a guy that was working the front door and he turned around, stuck out his hand, smiled and said, "Alex...hi...Sarah, right?"

I had met him awhile back at a show I went to with a different crew and was taken aback (is anything better than the phrase "taken aback"??) that this guy actually remembered me. I kind of stumbled over my words and he just smiled and said, "It was the eyes...I wouldn't forget those eyes." (It's odd that he wouldn't forget my eyes since I met him in a dark concert venue.)

By that time, another bouncer had walked up and I very smoothly said, "Ohhh, ummm...you have me flustered. Let me start over."

The two bouncers looked at each other and chuckled. I may as well of just had "DORK!" written on my forehead.

Needless to say, I avoided the guy for the rest of the night...
I mean, really...isn't that the way you should solve any sort of embarrassment?

So, there you have it...
Conversation. Food. Embarrassment. Concert. Home.

All in all, it was a good night.