I Want Beef Jerky!

I can't stop laughing at this little girl...or posing Gary and yelling things like "MAGIC!".

(Sorry, Chris.)

How very Jack Nicholson of me.

I got this from Julie. Well...actually I stole it from Julie's blog.

I was horrified that she had never been to the top of the STL Arch and I informed her that we would be making a trip to STL sometime this year to do just that...and go to the zoo...and a Cardinals game. Other than those things, I really can't think of other stuff that is oh-so St. Louis. 

Well...maybe get mugged, but no one actually wants that to happen. 

Here's my bucket list (that someone else made up, which I guess isn't really the point of a "bucket list")...

Things you have done during your lifetime:
(x) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school
(x) Watched someone die
(x) Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico
(x) Been to Florida
( ) Been to Hawaii
(x) Been on a plane
(x)Been on a helicopter
(x) Been lost
( ) Gone to Washington, DC
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Played cops and robbers
(x) Recently colored with crayons
(x) Sang Karaoke - including back up singing
(x) Paid for a meal with coins only
(x) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't.
(x) Made prank phone calls
( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose & elsewhere
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) Danced in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sunrise with someone
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Gone ice-skating
(x) Gone to the movies
( ) Been deep sea fishing
(x) Driven across the United States
( ) Been in a hot air balloon
( ) Been sky diving
( ) Gone snowmobiling
( ) Lived in more than one country
(x) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
(x) Seen a falling star and made a wish
( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
(x) Seen the Statue of Liberty
( ) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
( ) Been on a cruise
(x) Traveled by train
(x) Traveled by motorcycle
(x) Been horse back riding
( ) Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR
( ) Been to Disneyland or DisneyWorld
(x) Truly believe in the power of prayer
( ) Been in a rain forest
( ) Seen whales in the ocean
(x) Been to Niagara Falls
(x) Ridden on an elephant
( ) Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calf
( ) Been spinnaker flying
( ) Been water-skiing
( ) Been snow-skiing
( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
( ) Been to the Louvre
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
(x) Been to a Major League Baseball game
(x) Been to a National Football League game
( ) Found and lost the greatest love of your life
(x) Kissed a total stranger
( ) Raced another car

Wow. What a wide range of randomness that was....

Soaked.

I have very rarely carried an umbrella. I really don't see the point, it's not like a little bit of rain can hurt you and and umbrella tends to just get in the way. Not to forget the fact that getting into my car with an open umbrella seems to get me more drenched than just a quick run to my car sans umbrella would get me. Well, this theory only works when there isn't a freaking monsoon outside.

I really didn't want to leave the house this evening, but as I was changing into my comfy clothes (yes, the Adidas track pants and hideous red pullover), I remembered that I was put in charge of getting a coworker's bridal shower gift. I figured it would be a quick trip to Target, so I just put on my flippies (aka: flip-flops, sandals, or (if you're really retro) thongs...) and ran out the door. Let me first say that when I left, it wasn't even sprinkling.

As I pulled into the parking lot (which is about half the size that it used to be, thanks to all of the construction going on), I saw that someone was pulling out of a spot right next to the door. I was stoked and waited patiently. Waited, waited....and then almost LOST it (alright, I lost it a little bit...okay, a lot...) when some stupid man pulled around the corner and pulled into the spot before I could get to it. Deep breaths....DEEEEEEEEEP breaths....

I found another spot at the far end of the parking lot, which was fine. I could use the exercise....or something like that.

You know those people that look at a gift registry and buy the cheapest thing on it (utensils and whatnot)??? I hate those people. So...I became the person that EVERYONE hates. I bought every cheap item on the list. Could I have just bought one large item?? Of course. Did I want to? No. I want to be that girl that gives 542 utensils, darnit!

As I am checking out (and the cashier is eyeballin' me with all of the gift-registry judgment she can muster...), we hear a loud crash of thunder. I was convinced that it was a a car wreck outside. It was not.

I walk towards the door with my bags and bags of cheap utensils and Diet Coke to find an insane downpour....and an angel of a woman. She looks at me, then looks at my cart and then looks back at me and says, "Honey, you take my umbrella. I promise...I'm very trustworthy. Go get your car and pull it around, I'll watch your stuff."

Since I was in no position to argue (remember...a MAN took my close parking spot), I took her purple umbrella and made my way to my car. Of course, once I got to my car, I had an issue closing the umbrella and managed to soak the inside of my car...and my legs....and my jacket...and my head. I pulled my car around, and thanked the woman for being so kind. And then sat in my car for a moment and realized that I had standing water in my new car.

It was raining SO HARD that I now have STANDING WATER in my car!

So, just to be clear...

1. I'm waiting for the rain to stop to go outside and try to soak up the water in my car.

2. Women are nice.

3. Men may be better drivers, but they can many times be complete douche bags while driving.

It's disgusting.

So it's been awhile since I've blogged and my mom is worried.  Well, she was worried...until she called to see why I hadn't blogged in a couple weeks. I explained to her that I was going to blog about this thing, but every time I would start it, I would throw up in my mouth.

So while I have an empty stomach, I am going to forge ahead and get through this story (I'm going to make it as short as possible, you know...as to not puke).

About a week and a half ago, I was all alone at work (just the tiniest bit stressed). I was exhausted and dramatically put my left hand down on my desk. Post-putting my hand down on my desk, I then turned into a teenager in high school and propped my head up...only to quickly pull it away.

Why did I pull my hand so quickly, you ask??

Well, my dear blog-reader, I pulled my hand away quickly because I realized that at that moment I had put disgusting mucus on my face. Someone else's mucus on my face. 

Someone had snotted on my desk....and that snot made it to my face....

You know those slow-motion moments of your life? Many times they are great, but other times...well, they are not so great. When I close my eyes, I still see my slow-motion hand being pulled away from my face and then my fingers being spread to reveal they are still strung together with foreign boogers. 

Needless to say, I went home soon after and took an hour long shower. I then met Thomas out for sushi (not that the sushi part has anything to do with snot). It's sad that Sushi 101 will now forever been linked to boogies in my mind. 

How long?

I'm writing this blog for the main purpose of seeing how long my new computer battery lasts. It's not technically new, just new to me. The Apple store sells a new one for $125. I found one on Ebay for $24.99. If the thing can hold a charge for 2 hours, I'm going to be pleased. Of course...it's been about 5 minutes and I'm at 95%. So, I may be just 20 minutes short of my goal. Oh, well...that's still better than the battery being drained in 3 minutes. Go me!

Now I just need to figure out what to write about.

AH! I'll switch it up a bit. I'm always giving a play-by-play of the weekend, maybe this time I'll go backwards. I'm a huge fan of breaking the rules (or something like that).

Today:

Ugh. I'm gross. I woke up this morning and stumbled into work, pretty much just to unlock the doors and walk back out 30 minutes later. I'm making it very clear that I'm blaming Dr. Dunlop for all of this. He came into work sick last week, complaining that it would cost him $2500 if he had to hire someone to take his place for a day. Really? $2500 a day?? Sucks to be you, Dr. D....sucks to be you.

I spent the day curled up on the couch, watching stupid daytime TV. BTW...Kathy Lee Gifford is an idiot. She was interviewing a man from the advertising agency Deutsch Inc. and she did the lead in pronouncing it "douche". Did she not think that it might be somewhat offensive to call someone a douche on live TV? If that wasn't bad enough, she did her uber-annoying eye roll/lip lick combo. And then talked about Cassidy and Cody. Okay, okay...maybe she didn't talk about her kids (are they in college yet??), but she did annoy me with her face.

Point: I didn't do much today. Although, after my 3 hour nap and 2 hour bath, I am feeling a bit better. I'm quite sure I'll be back to work tomorrow.

Yesterday:

I had written on my last blog that I was going to do on Sunday what I do every Sunday (eat breakfast and be happy). Unfortunately, I had forgotten to add the Super Bowl into my equation. So, I slept in, took a bath, went to the Teet, and headed over to the Fisicaro's for some football watchin' fun with some of my best pals. It was...ummm.....yummy. There was some seriously delicious grub everywhere. I'm thinking that maybe we should pretend that it's the Super Bowl every week. What do you say??? Championship bowling is on ESPN2??? Bring on the buffalo wing dip!! Huh? The WNBA is playing somewhere (and is definitely never going to be on TV)?? We must grill some meat immediately and imagine that we care about the game! Oh...who am I kidding? I don't know anyone who can even pretend that they care about the WNBA.

Saturday:

I woke up pretty late and bathed for about 4 hours. I've been reading a book (that is around the same size as War and Peace) and there is nothing better than reading in the bathtub.

Around 4:30, I realized that maybe I should get ready and head over to C's. We made our way down to the new Wild Wing Cafe at the Epicentre around 7:30 and waited half an hour for a table. It actually worked out pretty well since Kim and Jimmy were half an hour late and got there about 2 minutes after we were sat. After having my way with those scrumptious mini cheeseburgers (and skipping over the non-Patti Labelle macaroni and cheese), we went to the comfiest movie theater ever to see Gran Torino. It was a little weird that people could eat steak while watching a movie, but still...I thoroughly enjoyed it.

After the movie, Chris and I set out to find his car (because I had worn the most uncomfortable shoes and wanted to change them). It only took about 38 minutes. Yeah...maybe it was my fault. Maybe I did say that we were parked in section P5 and maybe section P5 doesn't exist. SO?!?! Exercise in 4 inch heels is important, people!

Once we found the car (I say "we", but I mean "Chris"), we moved it to a parking spot closer to the stairwell. At least that way we didn't really have to remember where it was after our next excursion out of the parking garage.

We finally made it to Blackfin, had a few drinks, and managed to close the place out. I think I fell asleep around 4am. It was lovely.

Friday:

After work, I met the crew downtown at The Graduate for some bar-type dinner and some improv fun. After the improv show (where I learned that my friends have a wild imagination), we went to Thomas Street Tavern. Around midnight, Sam, Brian, Chris, Thomas, and I went to the Fisicaro's house (Julie and Laura had gotten bored with us about an hour earlier). Of course, I had to stop by my house first to change out of my smoky clothes and into my quilty pj pants. Did it hurt my feelings when someone (I'm not naming any names) asked, "What are you wearing??"

No. It did not. Well, okay. Maybe a little bit. I don't care....they are crazy comfortable (see below...don't they just LOOK crazy comfortable??). At least he (or she) didn't tell me the next day never to wear them again. :)
I went home around 4am and was thanking God the whole way home that I live only a mile from Sam's. If I didn't, I definitely would have been sleeping on the couch that night...

Well, between setting the computer down to field some work questions/texts and pseudo-watching old episodes of How I Met Your Mother on Lifetime...it has now been an hour and forty minutes and I am now out of battery. Not bad, cheap battery, not bad...

I just want to know if the new stimulus package includes another $600 in my mailbox...

I don't know if this is weird or not (Julie...can you let me know???), but I've been wearing the exact same mismatched "outfit" from 5:30-11pm every night this week. I say "outfit" like that because it's not so much an outfit as it is blue Adidas track pants that I've had since the 10th grade and the comfiest (ugliest) red hoodie ever. Does it match? Heck no. Is it warm? Heck yes. It just makes me sad that my hoodie/track pants combo is starting to smell.

I realize that I haven't blogged it out in awhile, but I've been busy. You know, with stuff...
Okay, I know...you're dying to know with what....right? Allow me to fill you in...

Friday:
I vaguely remember feeling like poo and having Jackie beg me to go home. No, no, no....I stuck it out. I'm a bit of a rock star like that. When I got home, I made 50 mini strawberry cupcakes and a mini strawberry cake (not in the "cup" form, thank God) for Julie's birthday and then went to take a shower to feel a little better. After my shower, I got a phone call from Sam saying that they weren't coming over due to illness, but she still wanted some French toast brought to her. Blah, blah, blah...boring, boring...we (C, J, and I) inhaled some breakfast for dinner and I ran over to Sam's to drop off the leftovers. It made me a little sad that she had the syrup sitting out already when I got there. There weren't many words exchanged, she pretty much just grabbed the Tupperware containers and made her way back upstairs. I found out later that she had been looking forward to it all day. Wow. I really need to teach that gal how to cook if that's the only thing she has to look forward to.
After dropping off the goods, I went back home and we watched Iron Man. I am surprised that I actually enjoyed it...

Saturday:
The first half of the day was spent lounging in the bathtub. Yes. I have a hard life. But in my defense, I just wanted to get warm.
Post-bath, I got ready for Julie's birthday and headed over to Chris' around 6. After wrapping her present, we went to pick J up to go to her first birthday location, Nakato. I wasn't sure if she wanted those sweet Japanese-Americans singing an odd version of Happy Birthday to her, so I chose to forgo telling them that it was her birthday (although, if they just paid a little attention, they would have noticed that she had unwrapped a Snuggie and GPS at the table...something tells me that they feel as awkward singing it as I do listening to it, though...).
After a super-filling (HA! Kidding...I had sushi and was starving within the hour...) dinner, we walked across the parking lot to Bailey's Sports Bar and Grille (I love when places add "e" to the end of words to make them classy...like "grille", "shoppe", and "olde").
It was a lovely evening, filled with J's closest friends. I have to be honest....I knew about half of them. Here are the highlights that I actually remember:
- Realizing that Bailey's definitely isn't the place to go if you want Red Bull, Smirnoff Ice, or good wine.
- Chris wanting someone to steal his shot glass for him (he wouldn't and no one else did).
- Mike "forcing" (HA!) Julie to smoke a 30th birthday cigar.
- That blessed soft pretzel/buffalo wing/cheese stick plate that came out around 1am.
- Back at J's house, having her force (this was a real force, unlike the the cigar "force") C & I to try out her Snuggie....and take pictures while wearing it. Note: I still believe that no one should wear a blanket, even if it is considered heaven with arm holes.
- C driving my car home more recklessly than I have ever driven it. Please take into consideration that by other people's standards, he drives like a normal person and I drive like an 87 year old grandmother. Ten and two, people....TEN AND TWO!!!!

Sunday:
I heart waking up in my own filth. It's my favorite part of spending an evening in a bar filled with smoke. The only thing that could be better than secondhand smoke would be getting cancer from it. Nothing says "I'm supporting your decision to kill yourself" like inhaling the toxins with some of your best pals.
After washing my hair (TWICE!) and throwing some foul smelling clothing into the wash, I made my way over to Chris' and then we went down to J's for some post-birthday lunch at Applebee's. I can't step foot into that restaurant without hearing John Corbett's voice.
After lunch, we went to see Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Ummm....Julie liked it. That's all I have to say about that. After the movie, we went to take Julie home and then stuck around....for 5 hours. Sticking around included yummy (!!!!!) Donato's Pizza, a new television show (Flight of the Conchords...check it out...thank me, errr...Julie, later), and Superbad. I definitely should have gotten to bed earlier, but I'm glad we "stuck around".

Monday:
Work, work, work....I swear....they act like they are paying me for my time or something. :)
Jackie was kind enough to switch hours with me so that I could go to the doctor at 3. I love doctors (lie). I especially love doctors that get up in my bid-ness (lie again). I'm thankful that it's over (complete and utter truth). Now all I have to do is go back for a 3 month follow-up. Hmmm....now that I think about it, what is she really wanting to "follow up" on in three months? My insurance deductible, that's what! She's in it for the benjamens, baby!
After hanging out at the hizzy for awhile after my appointment, I went over to the Fisicaro's to make nice with Sam. I didn't realize that we weren't "nice", but she had left a message on my phone proclaiming that I needed to come over and make sure we were good. Whatever. Sam and I are always good....even when we aren't good (yeah, that's not supposed to make sense).

Tuesday:
More work. And a long (long) meeting. But mainly just work.
After work, I managed to unload the dishwasher and plant myself on the couch. Sam came over to join me on the couch. It was nice. The end.

Today:
Is it sad that it's 8pm and I have to think really hard about what I did today that wasn't work? I'm trying my darnedest to not be negative, but I have to say....I wouldn't consider today as one of my top ten days (not even top ten out of my last eleven days). Jackie and I looked at each other probably 100 times today, shook our heads, and said, "Seriously?!?!"
She text me just a little bit ago and asked if it got any better. All I could say was, "No."
I think Jackie explains it best...
"I go from zero to sixty really fast. I stay calm....calm....calm....but if you happen to be the 10th person that is an idiot around me, I will kill you."
Mind you, I'm paraphrasing, but still....we agree wholeheartedly in that sentiment. We joked today that the two of us need to go to couples therapy. Not because we aren't getting along, but because we share the same disdain for stupid people and we don't think normal people get irritated at them the way we do. We just happen to get irritated at the exact same time (hence making us a couple of irritated people in need of therapy).

Upcoming events in the life o' Sarah:
Not much....let me see...
Friday: I'll be taking in some Improv fun with a few of my closest pals at The Graduate.
Saturday: I'll be going to see Gran Torino with Kim (and whoever else wants to go) at the new Epicenter theatre.
Sunday: I'll be doing what I do every Sunday...eating breakfast and being happy....

Here's hoping this finds you just that.....happy.

OPERATION SAVINGS!!!

I peed a little.

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