Sunday, February 13, 2011


Earlier today I was lying in bed watching a movie before I had to get ready for book club and I heard a door open. I was convinced that someone had just broken into my house, so I slowly walked downstairs with my cell phone in hand (you know, because nothing scares off a burglar/axe murderer like a cellular telephone).
When I got downstairs, I saw that both the front and back door were still dead-bolted, so I figured it was just all in my head (Sarah imagined something!?!? Shocker!!). I then proceeded to shower and get ready for a rousing discussion about the Holocaust at Kelly's house (yeah, that's apparently what we do for fun on a Sunday evening).
As I was walking out the door, I noticed that the shed in my (enclosed, mind you) back patio was open. This concerned me because, well, it is not a door that just accidentally opens. I closed it and went on my merry way to the Lake Wylie area.
After a lovely evening with some pretty spectacular ladies, I managed to let my wild imagination get the best of me. Suddenly I thought that not only was someone trying to steal something out of the shed, but someone was looking for a hiding space to come murder me when I got home.
At this point, I decided to get Julie on the phone (she puts up with my neuroticness) to stay on the phone with me while I searched the house.
I was giving her the play by play of where I was in the house, checking in every closet along the way. At one point, I got to the guest bathroom and saw a stack of magazines from when the "guest bathroom" was actually "Chris' bathroom" and I said something like, "Ohhh...I can probably throw those magazines away..." and went on looking under my bed and in the spare bedrooms for a murderer.
About 5 minutes later, Julie asked, "So...did you finish checking the house or did you get sidetracked with the magazines?"

I'm not sure why I found that so funny. Apparently, my friend believes that I am willing to risk my life to plop on the bathroom floor and read an outdated Details magazine.

Silly girl...she should have known that I would check the rest of the rooms for an escaped prisoner before I read up on men's 2010 fall fashion.


whatnot said...

I'm pretty sure that one time I was home alone and I called you because I heard a weird sound like a door shutting by itself. Somehow by having you on the phone I was less alone as I checked the house. Remember that?

Yes, we are oh so brave when we are armed with our cellular telephones.

saucybellum said...

Sometimes I put my keys between my fingers so if I need to punch someone, it will hurt just a bit more.
Cell phones and keys: Giving false security since 1993 & 1778, respectively.