When you can't think of your own words...

Tuesday can't come fast enough...

Is anyone else having a baby aneurysm over Mumford and Sons' new album coming out on Tuesday?



Also, from a concert bucket list perspective -
I WILL be seeing a show at Red Rocks near Denver at some point in my life. How incredible is this venue!?!?

W.E.D.N.E.S.D.A.Y.

What does your mom do?
Continues to be awesome.

 If you were a giant mega monster what city would you rampage?
Detroit. I feel like those people could probably use a redo of the city and I'm sure the insurance money would really help them out.

Did you ever have a treehouse as a kid?
No. My parents didn't love me.

Do you plan to vote in the next election?
Nope. It goes against my policy of "not caring".

When you buy something new do you get a desire to use/play with it even when they don't have any physical application yet?
I have absolutely no clue what this question is asking.

Did you understand the Matrix Trilogy?
If I didn't just get completely lost on the previous question, I would absolutely answer this question, "I've never seen the Matrix trilogy, but I have no doubt that I could figure it out." Unfortunately, the previous question has me questioning how smart I am. So sad.

If you were stinking rich, would you only go to places other rich people went?
Heck no! I'd go only to the places that this rich person wanted to go.

Rebound relationships, good or bad?
They are fine as long as your heart doesn't get too attached.

Teenage parents, good bad or indifferent?
Horrible! Wait...are these 19 year old parents that are married?? That's fine. If they are 15 and got knocked up from slutting around, that is bad. If they are 19 and...well...don't want to figure life out first, fine by me!

Democracy, good or bad?
Good...as long as everyone agrees with me!

An Ode to Dinner Club

Disclaimer:
This is absolutely sappy and bordering on embarrassing. Please proceed at your own risk.

I wanted to take a moment to write about a group of friends that I have managed to develop a mad crush on since May of 2011.
Little did I know that when I moved into Human Resources that I would meet four women that would absolutely change my life. When I was first brought over to HR, I felt as though I had to hunker down, make no friends, and take no prisoners. Slightly dramatic? Possibly. The truth? Totally.

Throughout my first few months, I was informed by Callie who was "cool". I realize that sounds like middle school, but if you don't work for a large corporation, you may not know that there are a few moles within any organization (What is that you say? Did Sarah just reference a reality television show from 2001? Why yes...yes I did).

Every day I would be chained to my desk while these angels would stop by to see what I was up to (the answer would never change from "work"). They brought sunlight to even the gloomiest of situations. Even though three of the five of us had moved onto another organization, we have still managed to see each other on a monthly basis.

We have had theme nights, we have gone on vacation, had a zillion laughs to the point of throwing up (yeah, that has happened), a few tears (because what are friends if you can't cry with them) and we have had many (many) bottles of wine.

Dinner Club at Vivace

Courtney, Callie, Sarah, me, and Colleen

I can't tell you how thankful I am for these women. These beautiful, insane, life-long friends that I never knew were coming into my life until God tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Hey, guess what gift I have for you..."

My one political statement of the year.

I'm not into talking about politics. No. Seriously, I'm not.

I am a firm believer in the fact that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and while I'm working on myself, I have no right to work on your self (I'm not sure if that is grammatically correct, but I like the way it sounds).

This whole Chick-Fil-A thing has me irked, though. I think this ecard has put it best...

Okay, I hear your argument. If you're for gay marriage, you don't want someone that serves you waffle fries to tell you that you're wrong.

But let's think about this...
If that is a your argument, you should probably move out of your state if they don't recognize your beliefs and you should probably not patronize companies that give money to the political party that is opposed to your political party. Also, if you are banking customer, you're pretty much screwed because many banks give money to BOTH political parties. (AHHH! What do you do in THAT situation?!?!)

My point:
Eat your chicken and waffle fries, because they are delicious.
Shop at JCPenney and watch Ellen, because JCP has fair and square deals (is that their motto now?) and Ellen is hysterical.
I'll work on me and you work on you...and please don't tell me what I "should" or "should not" do based on your beliefs.

Check out my discovery!

I have been known to not pay attention to the plot of a TV show or movie because I'm trying to figure out who the artist is that is singing the song in the background.

Wait...can I just take a moment to say that Shazam is the greatest app of all time and absolutely worth having an iPhone for?? Okay. Thanks - I just had to get that off my chest.

So, yeah...I have been known to hear a song and get fixated on it. It actually happened twice today...once during Shallow Hal (don't judge me...I was too lazy to change the channel after The Soup). It sounded like a Hootie and the Blowfish song that I didn't even know existed. Turns out it was Darius Rucker singing This Is My World (so, yes, it was pretty much Hootie singing a song that I didn't know existed).

The second time was while I was half-watching the Olympic gymnastics coverage. They played this song during a gymnastics montage and I thought, "I think I've just discovered a new favorite artist! Who is this guy?! Man...I can't wait to introduce him to people...!!"

I hit Shazam and this is what it gave me...


Soooooooooooo yeaaaahhhh...my "big discovery" was the freaking American Idol winner that I had never actually heard before.

Nice find, Sarah...nice find...

It doesn't matter who you are...

I love the fact that these celebrities can take the crap that is said about them with a grain of salt. Well, except for Kristen Stewart. That girl is a slutbag. Who cheats on Robert Pattinson? <--(See what I did there? I was as ridiculous as every other person that made fun of someone that they didn't actually know in real life)

Humor Fail.

So about a month and a half ago I received an email from a coworker of mine asking these questions:

1.      Where are you from?

2.      Tells us about your family (e.g. married, engaged, children)

3.      How long have you been working here?

4.      What hobbies, sports, or other leisure time activities do you enjoy most?

5.      What do you want to be doing ten years from now?

6.      What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

The intention was for her to put together a "getting to know you" directory for our entire team.

Naturally, I couldn't give straightforward/boring answers to these questions, so I responded with...

1. From St. Louis, MO. Well, a farm town outside of St. Louis, MO…
2. Single with no kids, sooo…you can either view me as a “spinster” or a “free spirit”. I’m fine with either.
3. I started in Home Loans in December 2010 and moved over to Staffing in May 2011.
4. The other day I went to see a friend of mine play softball. There was a foul ball and I ran after it. When a guy on his team asked me to throw the ball over the fence to him, I tried…and didn’t even clear the fence. He laughed and said, “I guess that’s why you’re watching and not playing?” So, to answer your question – not a soul on the planet would consider me “sporty”. I do enjoy reading, though!
5. I hope I’m just as happy as I am now. I generally don’t like the dreams for myself to be dependent on another human being, but whatever happens – I hope I’m happy.
6. “Don’t regret growing older, it is a privilege denied to many.” Appropriately, this was on a Snapple lid.  

So after I sent the answers, I completely forgot about it until the team call yesterday when a teammate with a very monotone voice shared this...

I know, I know - what I had written was entirely too long and it had to be whittled down to fit on a PowerPoint slide, but seriously!?!? I am pretty sure this is how politicians and celebrities feel when their words are taken out of context. I was honestly sitting there with wide eyes saying, "I said that crap!?! Seriously? 'A free spirit'? That doesn't sound like me at all!"

I want to scream into the phone, "MY WORDS HAVE BEEN TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT!!!"

My thoughts were confirmed when I got a few pings from teammates that said, "Wow, that doesn't sound like you at all!"

At least my friends at work know that I'm not a tree-hugging free spirit - unfortunately, my boss probably doesn't realize it.

It's Wednesday Already

Do you get seasick?
I sure hope not. I guess we'll find out in September.

If you discovered a new species of dinosaur what would you call it?
Dinosaur 2.0

Do you own a paddling pool?
I don't know what that is, so I'm going to go with "no".

What do you consider is the most important piece of furniture in a house?
Bed

What do you consider is the most important appliance in a house?
Refrigerator

Which Celebrity do you find the most annoying?
Hmmm...Jennifer Lopez makes me cringe.

Who was better, Flipper, Lassie or Skippy?
I'm not sure who Skippy is - so I'm going with Lassie

If someone's child was being an annoying little runt would you go tell them off or do something about it?
It absolutely depends on if I've been put in charge of them.

Do you believe in karma?
To a certain extent.

Do you believe in revenge?
Nah - life is too short.

Do you believe in fairies?
Nada.

Do you believe in a God?
Absolutely

What's the worst show on television?
About 95% of reality TV ties for last place.

My 5th Favorite Day of the Week

Have you ever been to an Art gallery?
I was actually thinking about this yesterday. After my family, friends, and Major League Baseball, the thing I miss about St. Louis is the number of free (or super cheap) activities to do - the Art Museum being one of them. I grew up thinking that every zoo, museum, and garden was free...apparently they are not.

Do you shout out the answers at the TV whilst watching quiz shows?
What is yes?

Are you a valuable asset on a Pub Quiz team?
I like to pretend that I am, but the last time I attended music trivia night, Chris and Margaux killed it.

Do you get over-involved with TV or movie plots at times?
I'm not 100% sure where the line is from "involved" to "over-involved". I feel like I get involved at an appropriate level.

Do you own any inflatable furniture?
Does an inflatable mattress count?

Do you have a piggy bank?
It's this adorable little thing called a "savings account". It's kind of like a virtual piggy bank.

Do you have popcorn with a movie?
Not very often. I guess if someone buys some and passes it down.

Have you ever built an igloo?
I can't say that I have.

Can you play the harmonica?
No.

Have you ever made a ball of twine or rubberbands?
Yes.

If given the option of having a flake in your ice cream do you always take it?
What is a flake? No - seriously, does anyone know what a flake is??

Really? 50 Cent!?

People close to me know that lately I've been listening to a ton of sermons from Elevation Church. It's probably starting to get on the nerves of many of my friends/coworkers/random people on the street because I am constantly quoting something that Pastor Steven said (the man has a ton of great points).

Today I was watching the 50 Cent/Oprah interview that I had DVR'd from Oprah's Next Chapter. Yes. I DVR Oprah. Please don't judge me.

I almost deleted the interview without even watching it, but then figured "Hey...why not?"

Who knew that I would hear one of the most profound points on worrying that I've ever heard...FROM 50 CENT!!?!?



So there you have it, friends. Pray OR worry - you can't do both.

Wednesdays, oh, Wednesdays...

What's your favorite Movie quote?
This is entirely too difficult of a question - I like to quote movies in response to situations, but I hardly have a favorite. I guess I lean towards "I'm in a glass case of emotion" and "Are you too good for your HOME!?!?!?"

Who would win in a fight - Chuck Norris or Jack Bauer?
What a stupid question! Chuck Norris, of course! Jack Bauer is a freakin' fictional character...so really this question is asking if Chuck Norris could beat up Kiefer Sutherland.

Do you have much of an ego?
Nope. Although, I'm working very hard on growing one.

Do you wear sunglasses indoors to look cool or stylish?
To look cool or stylish? No. To prove that I'm lazy and don't want to take them off my face? Sometimes.

Are you a hat person?
I wish. I have a huge head.

What's your favorite supermarket chain?
I never get to go there, but if we're playing faves - it would probably be The Fresh Market.

What's your favorite fast food chain?
I love that Chili's just popped into my head. That's not even a fast food restaurant. Man....what would be my favorite fast food chain?? OH! Chick-fil-A! The most Christian of all fast food chains!

What's your first thought upon waking up?
It varies between "What time is it?" and "I have to pee."

What animal would you most like to have as a pet?
I don't want a pet because I'm a heartless human being.

What's your favorite type of tree?
Oak. Mainly because it's Oprah's favorite tree.

If you could bankrupt one person or company who would it be?
Why would anyone wish ill-will on a person or a company? That is horrible! Can't we all just get along?

Who's your favorite celeb with the same first name or surname as you?
Dude. Mr. Rogers! He was awesome!

Pinterest is a jerk (and/or awesome).

Like every other female on the planet, I have become obsessed with Pinterest.
Need a new recipe? Pinterest has you covered.
Need to update your wardrobe? Pinterest has got you.
Need to plan a wedding for 250 guests in the next week and make sure you have the most creative photography?? PINTEREST!

To bridge my Pinterest account and my blog, I've decided to post one of my favorite quotes that I've seen on the website. I'll probably send it to my team at work to fool them into thinking that I bleed inspirational warm-fuzzies...

And for the record...
What I did today was super important. It included a ton of reading and zero percent of it was spent showering. Yes. I'm gross. Whatever.

Home

Have you ever read something and thought, "That is exactly how I feel. Like, I didn't even realize that I was feeling anything because I'm generally a heartless human being, but this random author just put into words exactly how I've been feeling for the past eight years"??

That happened today - which also happens to be eight years to the day of the passing of my pops.

I won't mention the name of the book here because it's a hilariously inappropriate book and if someone Googled her name, I would hate for anyone to accidentally find a dead-dad post when they were searching for a book that has a chapter entitled "Thanks for the Zombies, Jesus." If you must know which book I'm talking about, you can - you know - ask me.

The quote came out of nowhere. A surprisingly heartfelt chapter between her wacky dad's taxidermy stories and how she had to learn how to impregnate a cow as part of her high school's agriculture class (and I thought I grew up in a small town).

It's funny how you can be taken off guard by the most unlikely sources...

"Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn't exist anymore? Someplace that only exists in your mind?"

 Yes. A dead animal. Classic.

It's Wednesday, Ya'll!

What fairy tale character would you most associate with?
I'm going to pretend that Spongebob Squarepants is a fairy tale character and say Squidward Tentacles. HE JUST WANTS SOME DANG PEACE AND QUIET TO PLAY HIS CLARINET!

What brand are your trainers?
I'm going to assume this means tennis shoes. I have a few pairs, but I think my most current pair are New Balance. They get a ton of use. Seriously. A ton.

If you ruled your own country, who would you get to writer your national anthem?
John Mayer. Unlike SOMEONE - I really enjoy his new album...

Who is the most intelligent person you know?
Oh wow. I think this question should be "Who has a will that you would like to be added to?" I'm going to go with my uncle Rich. Super smart guy (and super nice and charming and likes to hug people and deserves a gift basket from Omaha Steaks...)

How did you get your name?
My dad said to my mom, "Honey, I think we should name her Scout!" and my mom replied, "That will be the name of our next horse. We're going to name this human baby 'Sarah Ruth'."

What's the best piece of advice anyone has ever given you?
"Geez, Sarah - calm down and BREATHE."

If you had to describe yourself as a flavor, what would it be?
I just had a maple bacon cupcake today and it was utterly delicious and weird, so I'm going with maple-bacon-cupcake-flavored!

If you had to describe yourself as a car, what would it be?
One that goes.

Do you think laughing at someone's misfortune is wrong?
Ahhh, classic schadenfreude. (Sing it with me now "Happiness at the misfortune of others!?!? That IS German!!") It completely depends on how misfortunate the misfortune is.

Sliced Bread 2.0

The other day Mike and Beth hosted my favorite holiday of the year - Meatfest. Have you ever had 7 courses of meat? No?? Awww...that makes me sad for you. Just thinking about it now is making my mouth water for bite-sized pieces of filet mignon wrapped in bacon.
What the event boils down to is course after course of meats and happiness, culminating in a dessert of prime rib and cheesecake (separately, of course). Along with the meats, Beth made a vat of sangria and there happened to be many friends to catch up with.
While catching up with these friends, I learned many things - such as how work has been going for anyone and everyone (standard answer "busy"), why 2012 is apparently the best.movie.ever (this was told to me by a 13 year old, so I'm taking that with a loving grain of salt - as I don't want to believe that the world is going to end so violently with John Cusack at the helm on December 21, 2012), and what books people are reading now (FYI: It's smut). One conversation led me to discover one of my favorite new things of the moment and I thought - as a public service, of course - that I'd blog about it...

Wendy was explaining to me that she had ordered 100 pounds worth of kettle bells from walmart.com and it only cost $3 in shipping. When she mentioned this, I had two thoughts:
1. Wendy is the most dedicated non-competitive athlete that I've ever met in my life.
2. Wait. Three dollars to ship that much stuff??? That would cost you $175 if you tried to check that much luggage on a US Airways flight (I was well-versed in the costs of checked luggage as I had just researched it 2 days earlier so Lauren would be informed how much it would cost her to go on her honeymoon with that many pairs of shoes...).

At that point, I made some serious mental notes. Not so much a mental note about Pylman's love of working out - this was not news, but a mental note to check out walmart.com.

Fast forward to me making a shopping list on my phone of all of my stuff that I needed to get at Walmart the next time I went. I must mention that I hate the Walmart next to my house. It's always packed, there are always screaming children, and...well, I just don't like it (why do I have to explain myself to you!!?!?).
So anywhoozles, I was starting to map out how long I could push off making the excursion, "Okay, if I keep my toilet paper use in check, use bar soap instead of shower gel, and only do one load of laundry this week, I can put off going for another week...yeah, that's good. This isn't procrastination - it's self preservation!"
While thinking on my hatred of fighting the Wal-mart crowds, I thought to myself, "If only I could just order this crap online. Wait. I wonder if they DO sell this crap online!?!?....."

It turns out....THEY DO SELL THAT CRAP ONLINE!!!!!!!

So, I'm here to share with the masses...you don't have to go to Wal-mart anymore! You can get everything you need on Walmart.com and the best part is...if you spend over $45, it ships for free!
Who doesn't spend $45 on deodorant and toilet paper!?!
Have you ever gotten irritated lugging that giant jug of laundry detergent from the store to your car and then from your car to your house?? Don't get irritated anymore! They will drop it on your doorstep, my friends!

I feel as though my world has opened up. I can now picture myself having children someday because I won't have to drag the brats along with me to the store!

Dang. Sam Walton was a bloody genius.

Guess what day it is!?!?

Are you a clean or messy person?
Looking at the house right now, I would probably go with messy-ish.

What's your preferred playing piece in monopoly?
"I don't play Monopoly on a regular basis, but what I do - I'm a top hat." - Most Interesting Girl in the World

Can or Do you still play twister?
Can I? Yes. Do I? Nope.

Can you play chess?
Hmmm...I think I could if I had to.

Do you know the dance steps to an annoying cheesy pop song?
Who doesn't know and love the Macarena?

Do you prefer straight or bendy straws?
Oh my gosh! What a funny question. I actually hate bendy straws - I didn't realize I wasn't the only one with a preference!

Have you ever entered a talent contest?
In the 3rd grade we did a dance routine to Kris Kross Jump. Shockingly, we lost to a kid that actually knew how to play an instrument.

Do you like poetry?
Not really.

Are you a bad loser?
Not really.

Which would you choose? Jelly or Ice Cream?
What kind of question is this? That's like asking if you prefer flying or salt. They are two totally different things! (But if I had to choose - Ice Cream)

Whats your favorite type of Pie?
Pumpkin!

What's your most used phrases?
"Stoked", "Awesomesauce", and "Dang it!"

How long does it take you to get ready?
30 minutes.

Rando-question Wednesday!

Can you down a pint (of anything) at once?
Probably water, but I don't think I've ever tried.

Have you ever been banned from a public place?
What kind of hooligans get banned from public places?

How much spam email do you tend to get a week?
Probably close to 400 in my junk email account. In my work - maybe 3 a week...

If you could learn any language fluently what would it be?
Spanish. Not because I'm dying to know it, but it certainly would be the handiest of all languages to know.

As a kid were you ever frightened of a monster under the bed or in the cupboard?
Not really. I think when I was in the 1st grade I thought there was a witch outside my bedroom one time, but that was hardly a nightly occurrence.

Do you like clowns?
I feel about clowns how I feel about Myspace....wildly indifferent.

Do you prefer BBC or ITV?
I have no clue what ITV is, so I guess BBC...

Have you ever been surfing?
Nah - I have no desire to learn.

Have you ever been snowboarding?
Nope.

Who was better, the Beatles or Elvis Presley?
The Beatles, yo!

What's your favorite type of foreign food?
This feels like cheating, but Japanese - more specifically, sushi.

Which Foreign country do you dislike the most?
Ugh - Mexico. The things that I saw in that country were uber disturbing.

Do you like your music loud or easy listening?
Depends on what I'm doing, but for the most part - not anything too loud while I'm working.

Do you sing in the shower?
Totes!

Random Question Wednesday - Back on Track!

Can you blow bubbles with bubblegum?
Totally! I've got mad skills!

Can you curl your tongue?
Yes. Again...mad skills.

Is your bellybutton an innie or outie?
Innie.

What would be your dream car?
One that runs and I don't have to ever worry about starting! (Is it sad that I honestly do not care what I drive as long as it's reliable and has power everything??)

Are you left or right handed?
Rightie

What was the last book you read?
I just finished My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me by Hilary Winston. Hilarious. I just dug into How Evan Broke His Head and Other Secrets by Garth Stein. Good stuff so far!

What was the last song you danced to?
This question would be so much easier after Lauren's wedding reception in a week and a half. Hmmm...I'll pretend that I made up a choreographed dance to one of my favorite songs of the moment (Gravity). It is really dramatic (at least in my head).

Have you ever owned a yo-yo?
I'm sure I have at one point or another. Although, it was probably one of those automatic yo-yos that you can't mess up. Remember those?

Who was the last person to send you a text message?
Colleen Croghan. She's a winner. If I had 18 cents, I'd definitely use it to pay for the tax on her coffee and double cheeseburger at McDonalds. (WHO ORDERS A COFFEE WITH A CHEESEBURGER?!?!? COLLEEN, YOU ARE A WEIRDO!!!)

Have you ever accidentally injured anyone?
Ugh - yes. I still feel awful about it. Both times I accidentally cut open my little brother's head. Once when I was going sideways on a swing and he was swinging properly (like 4 year olds do). We collided and it was the first time I saw the wrath of my great grandpa. I'm fairly certain he said, "He is worth SO much more than you ever will be" (with his eyes, of course). I will speak the truth right here - my little brother was absolutely my great grandpa's favorite grandchild. And no...it doesn't hurt at all. Seriously...I'm cool with it.

The second time was when I was getting ice skates out of the attic to go skate on our pond. I dropped one down...on top of my little brother's head. Thinking back, I probably shouldn't have told my 7 year old brother to catch an ice skate.

Are you scared of spiders?
Only the furry ones that go missing after I go get a shoe to kill them.

Whoops - I missed last week! Random Question Tuesday...

How do you have your eggs?
Scrambled - unless it's over-easy on top of a Sam I Am Burger at Bad Daddy's Burger Bar (formally Big Daddy's Burger Bar, mom...thanks for getting me hooked on that joint!)

Whats your favorite saying?
Do not regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many. (Appropriately, on a Snapple lid)

Have you ever been in a tug of war?
Just those stupid boys vs girls tug of war games back in school. It's a complete shock to so many people that the girls lost every dang time.

Can you stand on your hands unassisted?
Absolutely not.

Do you love or hate myspace?
Can "wildly indifferent" be an answer?

Who was the last person to knock/ring at your door?
Hmmm...that's actually a very good question. Knowing my luck it was probably the Jehovah's Witnesses. I asked if they'd like me to donate blood to their cause, but for some reason they were offended that I even offered.

How old were you when you last went trick or treating?
I think my mom made the cut-off 12. Not that it mattered - my brothers and I were quite literally the only kids within a mile on our very sparsely populated street. Bad news...there was really only 3 houses to trick or treat at. Good news...one of our neighbors gave full size candy bars out. At the time I thought "How can they afford FULL SIZE CANDY BARS!?!?"
Looking back I see that it probably was just easier to buy 3 full size candy bars for the 3 kids that lived on the street.

Have you ever been bobbing for apples?
Absolutely - although I may have used my hands. Does that mean I cheated?

What's your most expensive piece of clothing?
One of the 5 bridesmaids dresses hanging up in my closet, I'm sure...

Whats the last thing you took a picture of?
I just checked my phone. It looks like it was a picture of pictures of Sam and Brian Fisicaro. I will probably frame it soon since there is nothing more beautiful than a picture of a picture taken with the camera attached to your phone!

Have you ever bought anything from ebay?
Dude - who hasn't?

Yo Mama!

Who doesn't love a respectful "Yo Mama" joke??

I have no idea how I stumbled upon this site, but I'm loving these jokes...

Yo mama is so healthy her BMI is probably exactly within the ideal range for a woman her age.
- - - -
Yo mama is so well respected within her profession that I bet she’ll get another raise and promotion this year despite the downward trajectory of the economy.
- - - -
Yo mama is so good at cooking she should open her own restaurant. I’d be the first customer.
- - - -
Yo mama is so attractive she could be on the cover of Prevention.
- - - -
Yo mama is so Internet-savvy she should start her own social-networking site designed specifically for moms. It would be really popular.
- - - -
Yo mama is so well read she could teach a course on literature at an accredited university.
- - - -
Yo mama is so good at listening she makes you feel like she’s put everything aside to focus all her attention on you. That’s a really great trait to have.
- - - -
Yo mama is so skilled at coaching basketball she should apply for a job in the WNBA.
- - - -
Yo mama is so generous she just paid for everyone’s meal at Applebee’s.
- - - -
Yo mama is so supportive of you and your efforts that I wouldn’t be surprised if you were incredibly successful as a result.

 

 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO MY FAVORITE MAMA!!!! I LOVE YOU!!

HUTCH!

Guess who is going to see this guy tonight?? THIS GAL!!!

Random Question Wednesday - Wow...these are boring questions

Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
Wow. That's a lot of pet peeves. Ummm....right now I can think of one - When I send someone an email asking for their interview availability and their phone number and they send back just their availability. It happens ALL. OF. THE. TIME. Seriously, people...READ. I absolutely understand that is a tiny thing, but when it happens every day, it's frustrating.

Describe a typical day in your current life.
Get a call from my recruiter asking why I'm not awake yet. Roll out of bed. Log on. Work until 5 or 6 and then either catch up on DVR'd shows or meet a friend for drinks.

If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
Please, God...make me a bird so I could fly far, far away from here.

What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
Music. Playing, singing, whatever...I love music so much, but I have no talent for it.

What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
It was definitely a time when someone had done me wrong and they refused to see that they hurt me. It's easy to forgive someone that says they are sorry, but it is quite difficult to forgive when people don't care enough to apologize.

If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
I feel like I'm living exactly where I want to be. I'm at a beautiful point in my life that if I wanted to live somewhere else - I absolutely could make it happen. I just don't want to live anywhere else.

Tonight, Tonight...

I realize this isn't a new song, but I'm rather stoked to see Dave Barnes tonight and this is definitely one of my favorites songs of his...

Hope you're doing well! Cheers!

YTG

Seeing them tonight.

Jealous?

You should be.

Random Question Wednesday

List 20 random facts about yourself.
How narcissistic. I don't think of myself enough to know 20 random facts off the top of my head.

Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
Wet paper. That's what people use to make spit balls. That can me whatever you think it should mean.
Losing my job. It happened once...I don't want it to happen again.
That's all I got.

Describe your relationship with your parents.
My momzy is my bestie. My diddy was awesome and faith says I'll see him again someday...so there's that.

List something would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
You're an idiot. Whatever you want to do...don't do it. Do the opposite and it will probably be the right answer.

What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
Pictures of my little nuggies. Logie, Sadie, and Pen-Pen are the most adorable nieces and nephew a gal could ask for.
My friends. Seriously. They are the best.
My family (everyone other than the nuggies previously mentioned)...they are so supportive.
My job. Yeah. I'm a weirdo.
Drinking good wine on a patio during a beautiful night...

What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
If you know me at all, you know the answer to this question.

What is your dream job, and why?
I'm doing it. I honestly feel like I do something of importance every day and make people happy...I love my job...

What are 5 passions you have?
Ummmmmmm....wine?

List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
This is such a horrible question and if I left someone off, I'd feel horrible. I'm going to go ahead and say that if you're reading this blog (that no one reads), you are on my list. You can message me and I'll let you know how...

Describe your most embarrassing moment.
Why would I want to relive that???

You Can Do Anything!

I am suffering from an inability to sleep right now, but I remembered in my sleeplessness that I told my mom that she had to see this SNL sketch earlier and I doubt that she would go out and find it unless I put it on my blog.
Now that I think of it - that's probably the reason I couldn't sleep. I'm sure as soon as this is up, I'll sleep like a baby...

Random Question Wednesday - (What week are we on now?)

Do you have any scars?
I'm going to assume that this question meant physical and not emotional scars. I have one on the back of my right hand from when I cut it in shop class in middle school (that bookcase had it out for me), I have one on the tip of my left pointer finger from when I tried to clean out a lawn mower while it was still running (I'll never do that again), and I have one on my lip from when I swung from the curtains when I was a baby.

What was the last film you saw?
The Hunger Games! Awesome, awesome, awesome (awesome, awesome). THAT is how you make a teen novel into a movie, people who made Twilight...

What's the longest you've ever grown your hair?
When I was in the 3rd grade, my hair was down to my butt.

Are you reliable?
I think I am...

Do you hold grudges?
I generally forget the stuff the people do to wrong me, but there are two people in the world that I would be okay with never seeing again. Is that bad?

Are you much of a gambler?
Not really. I grew up so close to a casino that I thought that every town had casinos - so there really wasn't any excitement surrounding going to one. It's kind of like those European families that bottle feed wine to their kids. If you grow up knowing you can have it at any time, there really isn't a need to go off and get drunk at a house party. Or maybe it's nothing like that...I have no idea.

How long could you go without talking?
I would think just a couple hours, but the other day I hadn't realized that I lost my voice from allergies until the end of the day when I answered the phone for the first time and nothing came out. So...I guess I can go about 20 hours.

What traditionally adorns the top of your Christmas tree?
My non-existent Christmas tree? I'd like to imagine that there would be a star or something up there. Who knows?

What is your favorite TV advertisement?
Who doesn't love the Pogues?!?


What do you have on your fridge door?
A variety of concert tickets for shows that are coming up. I think right now there is Eric Hutchinson, Dave Barnes, and Young the Giant...

Random Question Wednesday - Week Cinci

What story does your family always tell about you?
I'll go ahead and say it - my dad used to call me "poop". He also called me "bellum", but in this story, let's focus on the nickname "poop".
When I waited tables at an Italian restaurant when I was 18, my parents came in for dinner so I could wait on them. I was at another table taking their order and my dad (absolutely without thinking) yelled over to me, "Hey poop! Can you get me some A1?"
Apparently, the death stare I shot him was hilarious....I just remember that the look his his face was priceless.

At what age did you become an adult?
I'm still waiting...

What was your last dream about?
Funny you ask! Last night I had a dream that I was at the Super Bowl with my nephew and Bob Ross ("Happy Trees!") came over to us and asked if we'd like to learn how to paint. I'm not sure if he wanted to to paint a scene of mountains and clouds or if it wanted us to paint the Super Bowl scene, because I woke up. Good story, huh?

Would you like to build/design your own house?
I honestly would not for two reasons. One, it's crazy expensive to do that. Two, I know what I like when I see it - I wish I had more of a vision for things like that, but I just can't picture the flow of a house that I'd like to have.

Are you a good writer?
Nope. (What kind of questions are these?!?)

What would be your ideal partner?
What is this? eHarmony?? I have a few "musts", but one of my non-negotiables would be someone that can make me laugh. I don't find a lot of people funny, but if I think you are - you win and I'm pretty sure we're going to get married.

Do you want children?
SERIOUSLY - these questions are getting ridiculous. I don't think I'd ever have children on my own, but definitely if my future-husband is into it. I just wouldn't want to be one of those moms that felt like she was doing everything on her own.

Have you ever been on TV?
When I was 19, I went to Chicago with my friend Adam. We went to see Jenny Jones and Jerry Springer - so there are tapes somewhere with us in the audience at those talk shows.

Have you ever been skinny-dipping?
HA! Funny story about that...

Have you ever fired a gun or tried archery?
Yes and yes.

Happy Monday!

I'm so excited to say that I get to go see SafetySuit tonight (Daughtry is just an added bonus to me)! It seems like many times I'll be more stoked to see the opening act than I am to see the headliner, but that's totally okay since at least then I know I'll enjoy the whole show.



Have a great night, y'all!

Hoppy Easter!

See what I did there? I put "hoppy" instead of "happy". Crazy creative, right? I can't take the credit - I'm sure I just saw that somewhere and stole it.

I had a pretty stellar Easter, starting the day with church at Elevation with Thomas, Beth, Marc and Kellie. It's funny how hearing a Foo Fighters song in church can completely change the meaning of the song for you. I'm starting to think they picked Foo Fighters since Pastor Steven has said that he was a pretty big fan of Nirvana back in the day. Or maybe they picked it because this is just a great song to support the sermon. Whatever. It was great either way.




After church we headed over to Marc and Kellie's for Easter lunch/dinner/linner. Who doesn't love a little ham and mashed potatoes? I was a huge fan of the tomato/basil/mozz combo Kellie had going on and when I said to Beth, "Dang, this is good. Who knew? Tomato, basil and mozzarella!", she smiled and replied, "You mean a Caprese salad?"

Touche, B...touche.



Don't eat too much chocolate, y'all! I hear it creates a fat butt and acne (but that's just a rumor and you can't believe everything you hear).

Maybe this should be a thing...

I'm beginning to think that I should start posting my songs of the week.

I realize there is absolutely nothing new about this song, but I can't get it out of my head this week. Go ahead and let that mean whatever you'd like it to mean...

Random Question Wednesday - Week Fyra

What was one of the best parties you’ve ever been to?
One of the best parties I've ever seen thrown was my friend Lauren's party to celebrate paying off her student loans. She rented a Skee-Ball machine and had a piñata filled with baby (plastic) bottles of alcohol and gift certificates. Oh, and let's not forget the bonfire in the backyard to make s'mores. I still have no clue how she came up with this stuff...

Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad but it turned out to be for the best?
Absolutely! Losing my job in the medical world was devastating, but I couldn't be happier now.

What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up?
I went into an ugly cry during Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. So. Freakin'. Sad.

What was the last experience that made you a stronger person?
Listening to Kelly Clarkson's song "Stronger". Intense.

What did you do growing up that got you into trouble?
I honestly can't think of a time that I got into trouble. I think that speaks more to my ability to forget things than to how good I was as a child.

When was the last time you had an amazing meal?
Every time I go to Soul Gastrolounge, I know I will have an amazing meal. Pork belly tacos with watermelon salsa?!? Shut your mouth.

What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?
That thing you gave me (yeah, YOU!) was absolutely the best. Thanks for that - I love it.

What is your first memory of being really excited?
Every year from 3rd-11th grade I went to church camp for a week during the summer. I remember being unable to sleep the night before we left for Camp Su'Na'Go.

What was the first thing you bought with your own money?
A HIDEOUS birth stone ring. Why? Because apparently I was insane when I was 16.

What is something you learned in the last week?
Something at work that is crazy-interesting to me, but would make zero sense to anyone reading this. So I'll just say, "Nothing" like I'm 10 years old and you just asked me around the dinner table what I learned at school that today.

I Pity the Foo'...

Who doesn't love someecards.com!?!?




HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY, Y'ALL!!

Feeling Thankful...

Much like a lot of people, I DVR a ton of shows. Everything from New Girl (hilarious!!) and Happy Endings (double hilarious!!) to CBS Sunday Morning (I'm 82 years old!) and Oprah's Master Class (wait - no...I'm a 47 year old divorced mother of 2 that is searching for insights from celebrities!).
One of the shows I watched today was Anderson (who doesn't love that dude?) - he was doing a show about the pink slime that is found in ground beef and I couldn't help but have an overwhelming feeling of thankfulness for the way I grew up.
I grew up in a family that ate organic before eating organic was popular. As a matter of fact, if I ever said the word "organic" to my dad, he would have looked at me like I had 12 heads.
Did I hate picking green beans every summer? Sure. Was I slightly embarrassed that every fall we'd have a dead cow hanging in our front yard? What 6th grader wouldn't be?! Thinking back, though, I can't help but feel thankful for the fact that I knew exactly what that dead cow ate - you know...the grass that I bag-mowed on a daily basis (yeah...we had a lot of yard to mow). I can't help but feel thankful that the only pesticides that were on the veggies that we ate were...well...no pesticides. We just didn't eat the veggies that already eaten by insects....no pesticides needed!
I realize this was one of the most random posts ever, but I just wanted to say that I am thankful for a childhood that was filled with pink slime-less meat.

Random Question Wednesday - Week Tre

Which celebrity do you get mistaken for?
When I was young and had my whole life ahead of me, I was told that I looked like Sandra Bullock a lot. Now I'm told I look like Kristie Alley. Not even being 30 and being told that you look like a 60 year old isn't completely awesome.

What do you want to be when you grow up?
A teacher and a mom

When you have 30 minutes of free-time, how do you pass the time?
I'll re-watch Happy Endings for the 3rd time. That's the problem with my DVR - I have a ton of stuff to watch, because I watch the same funny episode of something 2 or 3 times.

What would you name the autobiography of your life?
Ummm...isn't this blog kind of my autobiography? So I guess it would be The Very Secret Public Diary of Sarah.

What songs are included on the soundtrack to your life?
How many tracks am I allowed to have on this soundtrack???

Is a picture worth a thousand words? Elaborate.
Of course it is. Have you ever tried to explain that picture of Lindsay Lohan looking like Debbie Harry? Wait - that's not hard. Lindsay Lohan looks like Debbie Harry. I guess that didn't take 1,000 words.

Where’s Waldo?
Still in the backseat of my grandma's car. She used to put Where's Waldo? books back there to shut us up during car rides.

The best part of waking up is?
Making it through the night alive!

How now brown cow?
Why then chicken?

Whasssssuuuupppppp?
Nottttttttt mucccccchhhhhhhh!!!

The Wal-Mart of Bridal Stores (....but that's just being mean to Wal-Mart)

Way back in September of 2011, I went to David's Bridal to get a dress for Beth and Mike's wedding. Some men may not realize this, but many times you go into this giant store filled with dresses and they will only have the style and size to try on, but you'll have to order the color you need (and it will take up to 8 weeks for it to arrive). I remember trying on a hideous purple version of the black halter dress that was to be worn for the wedding and it fit perfectly. Naturally, the woman who was "helping" me (I say that VERY lightly) informed me that there were only two left in my size in the country and when I asked if she could get one of them for me, she sighed loudly and replied, "Well, I can give you their phone numbers."
Wow, honey...I'm so sorry that I put you out.
The moment I walked out of the store, I immediately pulled out my phone and called the first store. After putting me on hold for about 10 minutes, they informed me that my dress had been sold and hung up. At that time, my heart began to race - what would I do if the second (and last) location gave me the same answer!?!
I called and tried to kill the man with kindness, profusely thanking him for even answering the phone and telling him he'd save my life if he could find the dress in black. After holding for 25 minutes, I hung up and called back - the same guy answered and managed to twist the situation in a way to have me apologize for bugging him. He put me on hold again for 12 minutes and when he came back to the line, he exclaimed, "Yup! We've got it!"
I said with a smile in my voice, "Well, that was definitely worth the 35 minute wait!", at which he got wildly defensive and exclaimed, "It says on my phone that you've only been holding for 12 minutes, ma'am."
All I could spit out was, "Well, as you may remember - I hung up after the first 25 minutes because you forgot about me. Can I just give you my credit card number?"
After explaining to me that it would cost $30 to ship the dress, I gave him my credit card number and waited a week for the dress arrive. ($30 for ground shipping from Virginia to North Carolina? Are you kidding me??)
When it arrived I breathed a sigh of relief....until I tried it on and found that the reason that it was THE. LAST. DRESS. IN. AMERICA. was because it was wildly mislabeled.
Seeing that I only had about 3 weeks until the wedding and I wouldn't be able to lose enough weight to fit into the dress (well, without hacking off my left leg...and even then there is no way I would be able to zip it up over the gals), I had a minor freak out session. After calling around to the stores in the area, I found out that there was a black dress the next size up at one of the stores. When I asked if they could hold it until I could drive up there to pick it up later that night, they replied, "Ma'am, it is against our policy to hold dresses." (Seriously...why did they insist on calling me "ma'am", as if they are pretending to be nice?)
Since it was my last chance to get THE dress, I drove up north and picked up the dress that was too big. When I tried it on, they informed me that to take the dress in and have it actually fit me, it would cost $80. Were they easy fixes? Of course, but at a certain point you take a moment to throw your hands up in the air, then hand your credit card over and pray that the whole situation will be over soon.
Now please understand that when you buy a dress at David's Bridal, you sign a document that states that you cannot return the dress - so I still had a mislabeled dress on my hands. After they informed me that they wouldn't let me return the dress, Beth got involved (at first I thought they were just nicer to brides, but after hearing horror stories from my friends, it sounds like Beth just has stellar negotiating skills). She negotiated to have them allow me exchange the mislabeled dress for other merchandise, but not the cost of the alterations. Sadly (after my entire horrible experience) I filed that under the "win" column (you've got to find wins anywhere you can get them, right??)

Fast forward to the wedding coming up at the end of May...
Yesterday I stopped by the David's Bridal up north to try on a long dress. When I was searching for my size, the woman looked at me and said, "Go two sizes up". I wanted to punch her in the face (as I was very aware to what size I should be wearing according to David's Bridal after the infamous October Debacle). When I tried on the dress she told me to, I walked out of the dressing room (WHY DO THEY NOT HAVE MIRRORS IN THE DRESSING ROOMS!?!?!?) and I was greeted with a tiny gasp from a sweet high school student shopping for her (whore-y) prom dress (PS. Not to age myself, but why are teenagers dressing like slutbags when they attend their proms these days??? These young whipper-snappers today...). Sorry...off my rant.
She sweetly said, "Honey, you need to go down like 3 sizes. That dress is WAY too big on you."
When I asked the saleslady for a smaller size she let me know that they didn't have my size and I could check any of the stores down south "either the one 40 minutes from here...or in Atlanta, or you could drive down to Florida, because it could take from 8 to 15 weeks to order the dress and May 25th may just be too soon".
Ummm....seriously?

I smiled, updated my Facebook status to exclaim how much I hated David's Bridal (I am so freaking passive-aggressive), and drove home. This morning, I headed down south to church to pray for a little luck (and also for the safety of the associates at the "down south" David's Bridal). After church I was one of the first customers in the store where the associate was awesome in helping me find my dress. Quietly thanking God for my dress-getting fortune, I thanked the woman for being so kind and she replied with a smile, "I'm new here."

I don't think she understood what I was talking about when I replied, "Oh. That explains it."

Pretend this dress is in black and you'll be able to picture the dress I was searching for...

I realize that I'm not the first to complain about David's Bridal (go ahead and Google search "David's Bridal Customer Service" - it's never good), but how does the company not realize that they would get so much more business if they were actually nice?

Random Question Wednesday - Week Zwei

If you could paint a picture of any scenery you’ve seen before, what would you paint?
A mountain scene with happy trees. I'd also grow an awesome fro.

If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be?
Is this like the movie In Time where people stop aging at 25?

If you knew the world was ending in 2012, what would you do differently?
I would definitely not be putting money into a 401K!

If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be?
There are many events that are running through my mind from Bible times - I'm sure it would be one of those.

If you could learn to do anything, what would it be?
I would love to learn how to run a marathon, but as the doctor said, "Sarah, you're not built to be a runner, you idiot!" (He may not have added "you idiot" to the end of that, but whatever...)

If you were immortal for a day, what would you do?
Ehhh...probably sit on my couch and try to catch on my DVR'd shows, but I would call my friends and say, "Guess what? I'm immortal today!"

If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to?
I would probably change it to something classic - like Kathryn.

If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do?
Pay off all of my friends' and family's bills. I would love for everyone I love to never worry about money.

If you could be any fictional character, who would you choose?
Lennie in Of Mice and Men. (Weren't expecting that, were you?)

If you were reincarnated as an ice cream flavor, what would it be?
Cookie Dough, yo!

Kudos, Jason Mraz!

Who doesn't love this song right now?



Every time it comes on Vh1 Top 20, I can't help but rewind it and watch it again...and again.

Random Question Wednesday - Week Uno

What was your favorite food when you were a child?
It was definitely the same favorite food that I have as an adult - mashed potatoes.

What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod?
On my current iTunes list (I'm too lazy to go check my iPod), it looks like Matt Nathanson "Faster" has been played 65 times. I honestly don't know how that is even possible as it isn't really my favorite song of his. The second place spot is taken by Counting Crows "Omaha" from their August and Everything After - Live at Town Hall album.

What is one of your favorite quotes?
"Don't regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many." It was printed on the lid of a Snapple.

What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity?
I feel like this is really two different questions. Lucky for you - my favorite indoor activity is the same as my favorite outdoor activity. Drinking wine. It's an activity for all season and locations.

What chore do you absolutely hate doing?
By the looks of my kitchen, I would say "Cleaning my bathtub"

What is your favorite form of exercise?
Running. I am fairly certain it will be the death of me.

What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year?
Time of day - 6pm
Day of the week - Friday
Month of the year - October

What’s your least favorite mode of transportation?
Ummm...I can't really say I have a least favorite mode of transportation. Anything that gets me from point A to point B is pretty stellar in my book.

What is your favorite body part?
Of my own? Probably my eyeballs - they remind me of my momzy.

What sound do you love?
Who doesn't love the sound of a baby laughing?

The Real Housewives

When I went out of town this past weekend, the joke was that we were filming The Real Housewives of Asheville. Ten girls (wait - nine girls and one Adam) in one house was definitely a recipe for a few dramatic outbursts.

Even though I don't watch any of the "Real Housewives" shows, I can only imagine that this SNL skit is not that far off...

The Rebirth

This weekend I took a little trip to Asheville, NC for my friend Lauren's bachelorette festivities. I rode up with my dear friend Amanda and part of the conversation we were having during the drive was her asking why I don't blog anymore. I honestly didn't have a good answer - other than I don't have the time, creativity, or attention span to do it. I'm naming this particular blog post "The Rebirth", because I feel like if I liken myself to a rap artist, it may spur me into being able to overcome things like ADD and gun shot wounds that I sustain while frequenting nightclubs.
So this blog is for you, Amanda. May this blog remind you of the time you lived in Mexico and you were so hard up for entertainment that you turned to the interwebs and read about my life.

Friday:
After running around like a mad woman to get everything together for the trip, I made it up to Huntersville to meet Amanda. We arrived to the house (after a few questionable turns) around 6:45 - we would have walked into the house earlier, but we spent about 15 minutes trying to figure out where to park. Amanda and I were the last to arrive on Friday night and that meant that we were the ones that got the ol' "Not sure where you'll sleep, but there is a pull out couch in the basement!"
To be honest, there was about a 3 minute feeling of dismay, until I walked downstairs. Now, when you are told that you're going to be sleeping in a basement, it could go one of two ways - the basement will either be a dungeon that has no heat and is the breeding ground for wildlife or it is finished and has heat. Thankfully, it was the latter and those suckers managed to accidentally give us the best sleeping spot in the hizzy (although, the pull out couch was pretty much a "v" and I wouldn't recommend sleeping on it unless you are very comfortable snuggling with your sleeping mate).
After popping a few bottles (I had to throw "popping bottles" into this blog, since again...Sarah=Rap Artist), the astrologers arrived. Oh, yes. You read that right...we had astrologers come.
Now let me be clear that I absolutely don't believe that my birth time/date has anything to do with my personality, but it really did feel like a group therapy session. We split up into two groups and Eric spent 30 minutes on each person in our group to discuss the individual challenges we experience being the sign that we are. I really did feel like I could pull something from the stuff he was telling everyone else, so I just chalked the whole thing up to being a super cheap 2 hour therapy session. I did find it comical that I pulled more from the stuff he was telling Amanda than I could pull from what he was telling me. He kept telling me that I needed to get back to "the scene of the crime" in my past and learn to show emotion. (If you know me at all, please insert your eye roll here.)
To put this lightly - some members of our therapy session handled the revelations a little better than others. Draw your own conclusions from that.
My night ended around 12:30a and I was able to fall asleep without anyone drawing anything on my face or putting my hand in warm water. Win!

Saturday:
I woke up around 7 and Amanda and I ran to the grocery store to pick up some milk to make breakfast. I was told the night before that people would probably be waking up earlier than usual, because they were sleeping in an unfamiliar place. In my head, I thought, "That means breakfast should be ready by 10, because they will wake up around 9:30!"

I was wrong. Wait - let me be more descriptive. I was wrong AND the house had such awesome acoustics that my breakfast-making managed to wake everyone up and apparently gave them the feeling that they wanted to murder me. (Whoops!) The take-away from Saturday morning, was that when people say "I'm going to wake up early" - get a specific time.
By the time everyone really woke up early (around noon), we lounged around for awhile until we went to late lunch/early dinner and then came home for everyone to get ready for the bachelorette shower (I wonder if guys give their soon-to-be wed friend presents??? Picturing a bunch of guys sitting around saying "Ohh...that's going to be so pretty on your wedding night!" is just funny to me...).
After properly outfitting Lauren for her honeymoon, we headed to downtown Asheville for the "going out" portion of the evening. We started at Tressa's Jazz Bar where I was able to witness a man with an 8" rattail, fanny pack, a bandage on his lip, and a creepy look on his face grind on his classy lady. Normally, it would be inappropriate to stare, but in this case - they didn't notice that I was watching them like a horrific car wreck had just occurred and I was waiting to see if there were any survivors.
Lauren was in her full bachelorette glory with the classy men of Tressa's. I am fairly certain I heard the words "I will dance with you, but if you touch me, I will cut you."
They were totally okay with that and fought over dancing with our gal.
Around 1a, we headed to a gay bar in Asheville, which was definitely eye-opening for me.
There are some places that you would love to revisit from your past - Scandals was not one of those places for me. It was like visiting a strobe-lit nightmare and the stench of the smoke machines took me immediately back to 2001.
We walked in when the drag show was going on. Now, don't get me wrong, I love a good drag show (lie), but if you're a cross-dressing male, don't hot glue fake foliage from Michael's Craft Store to a unitard and call it a costume. You look like a fool and are giving women and your cross-dressing counterparts a bad name.
As I was listening to Foster the People's "Pumped Up Kicks", I couldn't help but wonder how the band feels about their ditty being turned into a ear-piercing beat for shirtless men to dance to (Oh Asheville, shirtless men? Really?? You allow things that so many other cities would consider unhygienic). A song about a homicidal teen!?! LET'S ALL DANCE TO IT!!! YAY!

We arrived home around 3:30a and everyone raided the fridge before I fell asleep around 4, only to be woken up at 5:30 by a gal looking for sheets. Do you know what it feels like to have someone turn on the lights when you have just hit some serious REM sleep? I'm normally a nice gal, but it almost turned me into a murderous beast. Thank God "Pumped Up Kicks" wasn't playing - I would have told her that she better run, better run, outrun my gun....she better run, better run, faster than my bullet.

Sunday:
My alarm went off at 7am and Amanda, Adam, and I left the house to get home by 9am. Although it was super painful waking up, it was very nice taking a 6 hour nap today in my own bed. At what point does a "nap" turn into a "second sleep"?

All in all, the weekend provided some serious comedic moments and memories.


Cheers, Lauren! Enjoy your last two months as a non-married gal!