Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Sliced Bread 2.0

The other day Mike and Beth hosted my favorite holiday of the year - Meatfest. Have you ever had 7 courses of meat? No?? Awww...that makes me sad for you. Just thinking about it now is making my mouth water for bite-sized pieces of filet mignon wrapped in bacon.
What the event boils down to is course after course of meats and happiness, culminating in a dessert of prime rib and cheesecake (separately, of course). Along with the meats, Beth made a vat of sangria and there happened to be many friends to catch up with.
While catching up with these friends, I learned many things - such as how work has been going for anyone and everyone (standard answer "busy"), why 2012 is apparently the best.movie.ever (this was told to me by a 13 year old, so I'm taking that with a loving grain of salt - as I don't want to believe that the world is going to end so violently with John Cusack at the helm on December 21, 2012), and what books people are reading now (FYI: It's smut). One conversation led me to discover one of my favorite new things of the moment and I thought - as a public service, of course - that I'd blog about it...

Wendy was explaining to me that she had ordered 100 pounds worth of kettle bells from walmart.com and it only cost $3 in shipping. When she mentioned this, I had two thoughts:
1. Wendy is the most dedicated non-competitive athlete that I've ever met in my life.
2. Wait. Three dollars to ship that much stuff??? That would cost you $175 if you tried to check that much luggage on a US Airways flight (I was well-versed in the costs of checked luggage as I had just researched it 2 days earlier so Lauren would be informed how much it would cost her to go on her honeymoon with that many pairs of shoes...).

At that point, I made some serious mental notes. Not so much a mental note about Pylman's love of working out - this was not news, but a mental note to check out walmart.com.

Fast forward to me making a shopping list on my phone of all of my stuff that I needed to get at Walmart the next time I went. I must mention that I hate the Walmart next to my house. It's always packed, there are always screaming children, and...well, I just don't like it (why do I have to explain myself to you!!?!?).
So anywhoozles, I was starting to map out how long I could push off making the excursion, "Okay, if I keep my toilet paper use in check, use bar soap instead of shower gel, and only do one load of laundry this week, I can put off going for another week...yeah, that's good. This isn't procrastination - it's self preservation!"
While thinking on my hatred of fighting the Wal-mart crowds, I thought to myself, "If only I could just order this crap online. Wait. I wonder if they DO sell this crap online!?!?....."

It turns out....THEY DO SELL THAT CRAP ONLINE!!!!!!!

So, I'm here to share with the masses...you don't have to go to Wal-mart anymore! You can get everything you need on Walmart.com and the best part is...if you spend over $45, it ships for free!
Who doesn't spend $45 on deodorant and toilet paper!?!
Have you ever gotten irritated lugging that giant jug of laundry detergent from the store to your car and then from your car to your house?? Don't get irritated anymore! They will drop it on your doorstep, my friends!

I feel as though my world has opened up. I can now picture myself having children someday because I won't have to drag the brats along with me to the store!

Dang. Sam Walton was a bloody genius.

1 comment:

whatnot said...

You are very persuasive, my dear. I have just placed my first Walmart.com order for miscellaneous crap. Yay!

As for your meatfest....did they hire a cardiologist to stand by? Or at least invite one to the party?