Wednesday, June 24, 2009


How very appropriate that my 100th post is about a struggle that I've dealt with numerous times on this very blog.

Everyone has heard my plea for my beloved Minute Maid Light Lemonade. Droves of people (okay, okay...maybe 2 or 3 people) have text messaged me, mentioning that they've seen the allusive cans of liquid gold (all of which ended up being either the regular Minute Maid Lemonade or the bottles of Minute Maid Light Lemonade).
When I thought that all hope was lost, my dear friends Julie and Chris special ordered me 5 cases of my lemonade for my birthday. When they brought it out, it literally brought tears to my eyes. I had made a plan: One lemonade a day and my birthday gift would last me 2 months.
Around April I was nearing the end of my supply of lemonade. Panic attacks would wake me up in the middle of the night (okay, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic). I shared my fear with my mother and the following is a photo diary of my family's quest in St. Louis to find my happiness...

Nothing. No Lemonade. Whatever store this is would be considered a failure.

My brother Zack, wondering how it is possible that this particular store does not carry MMLL.
Close, but no. My sister-in-law Jade sees that regular lemonade is not quite good enough.

Look at the extreme joy!

(I had to throw this picture in here, too. If you look to the left of Jade's head you will see the symbol of my very favorite gas station. Oh, how I miss you QT.)

In all, my mom brought 15 (!!!!!) cases of my favorite beverage to Nashville when we met for the Dave Matthews/Jason Mraz concert.
Thank you so much, mom! I love you!!
And to the rest of you....may your day bring you nothing but sunshine and your favorite beverage.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Just call me Paris Hilton.

A few weeks back, 2 guys on my Top Ten List of Dudes In My Life (yeah, the list exists) had bartending duties at a great charity event. It was at Tyber Creek Pub from 5-8pm and all of the tips went directly to ALS. I have no idea whose idea it was, but I must say...I wholeheartedly appreciate the opportunity to throw down a few glasses of wine in the name of charity. It definitely blew the whole "car wash" idea right out of the water.

Brian and Thomas, posing behind the bar how normal people pose....with no need to actually touch.

I'm going to fast forward a few weeks to Karen (yes, the same marketer that I mentioned in yesterday's blog) looking at the pictures on my Facebook. She kind of laughed to herself and said, "Sarah, do you realize that you pose the exact same way in every picture? Heads together!"

Holy crap...the woman is right. Much like Paris Hilton, apparently I have a signature pose. Check it out...

Sheila and Sarah....heads together.

Beth and Sarah. Heads obviously touching.

Julie was sitting, but as you can see, I apparently wanted to have our heads together anyway.

Mike is a tall man, but that didn't stop me from trying to put my head on his.

Sarah and Kaley with noggins touching (it appears that Kaley may be a pro at the "heads together" pose).

I realize that you may find this post to be completely self-centered (and it is, I just posted 5 pictures of myself). For that, I apologize. Kinda.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Bonus Food.

It's official. I should be working, but I'm not....I'm blogging.

I just had to mention something that has made my day go from mediocre to spectacular.

Jackie is taking the day off, so I've pretty much been chained to my desk. Karen (our marketer) came up to my desk to ask if I wanted something for lunch, because Camille's had just reopened in Mooresville and they called to let her know (you know you order too much from one restaurant when the owner of the restaurant calls you to let you know that they've reopened).

Now, although I'm pretty strict with what I eat during the week, I will make exceptions for free food.

She just brought my sandwich in (a "vegenini"...aka a vegetable panini) and it was gone in 27.94 seconds. I just have to say...if you're ever at a Camille's, go ahead and order it (unless your name happens to be Chris or Julie, then you will probably find it can go ahead and thank me later for knowing you so darn well)'s magic.

Oh, and I'm sure you're wondering (don't worry, I know you're not actually wondering this) if all of the MySpace blogs have been successfully transferred. They* have. Thank you.

*I say "they" meaning "all of the blogs I want to actually keep". Amazingly enough, I didn't realize how sad/angry/frustrated I was around 2004/2005. All of those blogs will be going to the blog graveyard. No need to rehash my angry past is what I always say! (That's funny, because I never actually say that.)

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Are you getting tired of these yet??


What's that sound?

Okay, let me preface this by saying that I'm nuts...

I went to see "The Devil Wears Prada" tonight with my mom, Cassie, Jadey-girl, and Audrey. Lovely, just lovely...but that's not the point of this. So, my mom dropped Cassie & I off before she took the other girls home. Cassie went home while my mom was gone and I went to get ready for bed. I hear my mom come through the garage door, but she didn't say anything (she ALWAYS says something). A couple minutes go by and I hear this eeking sound. To me it sounded distinctly like my mother's airway passage being cut off by an axe murderer. Horrific, I know. So, I walk to the kitchen looking, nay, screaming for my mom. No answer. I'm assured that she is dying in the gutter outside and I must find her and kill the murderer and get her to a hospital. My heart is racing. I yell a few more times for her. No answer. "MOM!", I scream...finally,

"Yeah...I'm outside...trying to figure out this hose! The sprinkler is all messed up!"

The sound was the stinking hose. THE HOSE! How does a mothers scream and the squeeky faucet outside sound the same?

The bigger do I think that I'm going to kill a murderer with nothing but a T-Shirt on. I think I need to consult Jessica Simpson. She can do many things with just a T-Shirt on.

Friday, June 5, 2009

I still cringe when I see Dave Murray on TV in STL.


Verbally Spanked By the Weatherman.

So...last night there was a storm in the good ol' STL. Yes, they were warning of tornadoes and trees being down, but to was just a storm. Also, last night was "So You Think You Can Dance?". To anyone who doesn't know, this is the dancing version of American Idol. I wouldn't normally care, except my mother now has a dancing Clay Aiken (aka: Benji) and I'm forced (that's an exaggeration) to watch. I'm sure some of you can see where I'm going with this. Network television shows (in this case FOX) & storms that can be reported on do NOT mix.

Here was my issue. Every freaking time the show came back on from commercial, that dang Dave Murray would break in with a "first storm warning". Then, naturally, when commercials came back on they would let us watch those. This went on something like 5 times and I had had enough. I was going to type him an angry email. YES! AN EMAIL! I was typing him this email for the good of the "So You Think You Can Dance?" community (my mom, myself, Ali, and his friend Kristin....those are the only people I know that watch this show). It actually wasn't so much as much as a SUGGESTION. I politely said,
"Dave, can you please stop breaking into 'So You Think You Can Dance?'. I've been looking forward to this all week (that's a lie). How about a nice scroll? Thanks so much! Sarah in St. Peters"
Naturally, dear ol' Dave didn't stop cutting in the show. It was ruined. The show was RUINED and I was angry. I can't stand his dang voice...and you KNOW they aren't going to replay that "very special 2-hour event". Geez.

As I am checking my email, there was a message from "KTVI Weather". It was a rather long note (in comparison to my little one), from Dave Murray himself. True, this could have been a form letter that he sent to all people that wrote him, but he's still a bastard. Some of my favorite lines from this note include, "99 percent of the people writing me were people that were thanking me for such good coverage of the storm" (something tells me that is somewhat of an exaggeration...who writes the news to say "Thanks"). Also, there was a great line that went something like this... "This is one of the worst storms we've had in years and we saved a lot of peoples lives tonight. I'm sure you can agree that is more important than a TV SHOW."
Okay. I need a moment......
Seriously, does this dork really think he saved lives last night? REALLY?!?!?! Is that why he became a weatherman? So he can break in and say things like "If you see a tornado, don't run outside and take pictures. Go downstairs." Did we not learn this crap in elementary school while we were ducking and covering? Not only that, I feel as though he didn't successfully finish an english class in college. I counted 5 misspellings. Now, I'm not saying I perfect (well, I'm pretty close)...but if you are going to write a form letter, please check the spelling.
I can picture it though...imagine it with me...
A YOUNG DAVE MURRAY GOES UP TO HIS FATHER: "Dad, I'm going to save lives when I get old."
A HAPPY FATHER REPLIES:"I always wanted to have a child that was a doctor!"
LIL DAVE SCREAMS: "Not a doctor, dad, I'm going to be a WEATHERMAN!"

I just want to mention to him...if you want to do weather 24/7, go to the Weather Channel. Then you can save LOTS of lives! (And quite possibly your own, because I may kill you if you break into my TV show again, loser)

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Now THAT is a cute baby.

My sister-in-law (I guess at this point of my blog writing, I can just call her Laura) sent me some pictures earlier this week of my niece and nephew. I promptly saved them to my desktop at work and I keep finding myself returning to these files, just for a good smile.

You know when you love someone so much your heart hurts? Yup...that's how I feel about these two...

Just so you know.......

Sadie smiles now (this is something one time she was a non-smiler).
Logan graduated from preschool. I'm not sure when it became popular to have a graduation ceremony for kids graduating from preschool/kindergarten/8th grade. I'm a little bummed that I never had a preschool/kindergarten/8th grade graduation...I'm quite sure that I would have enjoyed the gifts.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I can't remember the last time I was this embarrassed.


Back by popular demand (Okay...Court asked).

Well, I have returned. I know that everyone was concerned that I may stay in North Carolina, but it's kind of hard to stay when Adam is dragging you out by your hair to get you on your flight back. Okay, that's an exaggeration. He sucker punched me in the face and said, "Leave."
I would be lying if I said that didn't hurt.
I have to say though, I had an absolutely wonderful time in the ol' NC (I mean, before being sucker punched). It just went so fast! It was good to see all of my butt-ugly seriously, they are all nasty lookin', with their blonde hair, big boobs (minus Adam), and tiny waists. I feel bad for them, I really do. It must be hard to look up to me like they do and wish they could gain a hundred pounds and have mousey brown hair too. It's hard to be this beautiful. I love them all so much, like Angelina Jolie loves little Cambodian children. I just wish I could adopt them and give them all faux-hawks...I think Lauren would look cute with a Maddox style faux-hawk.

Now on to today, I must share this totally ripped-from-Seventeen-magazine embarrassing moment I had at our local Walgreens. I was out and about with Laura today and we were trying to get some things together for Cassie's bachelorette party. I decided that I should run by Walgreens and pick up some lube as a prize for one of the "games" we are having. I didn't want to spend too much, so I found some lovely Astroglide that was on sale for $3.99. It totally worked for the purpose. As I was checking out, I noticed that it rang up at $8. Not that I'm cheap, okay...I am, but I didn't want to spend $8 on a 1 oz bottle of Astroglide. Not when I know that it's probably going to end of all over someones face the night of the party when some drunk girl decides that it would be the funniest thing ever. Lube on the face...why not? So, I (foolishly) asked "Isn't that on sale?"
Without any hesitation, Rebecca (the 50-year-old gray haired Walgreens lady with a matching gray mustache) picks up the phone and on the loud speaker requests for Mr. whatever-his-name-is to come up front for a price check. By the time the (young) manager guy gets to the front, naturally there is a long line backed up behind me. I'm repeating myself over and over again "Don't worry about it, it's okay...I was just's not a big deal...I SWEAR it's not for me!" A few minutes go by while 2 different managers are looking through the weekly ad, trying to find it on sale in there. (Of course my smart aleck sister-in-law is asking "Do you really think they are going to put LUBE in a weekly circular?") They wouldn't just drop it! I have irritated people behind me, watching 3 clerks at the Walgreens try to find out if lube is supposed to be four dollars cheaper. At this point I'm rambling on incoherently about some "party" and "joke" and "gag-gift". But, you know what people are always thinking when someone is trying to over-explain something. It means that person is lying. I realize this now and next time I will proudly say that the lube is for me and act happy about it. No! I will not pay $8 for lubrication for myself! No sir!

About 7 minutes of humiliation go by before the manager decides that the item was placed on the wrong shelf and I don't even get the freakin' discount. I think I should get the discount just for having the balls to make a deal about it. I need to learn how to keep my mouth shut sometimes. Now, if this were a true Teen Magazine story, I would have said that the manager was my secret crush that I've had since I was 13. Don't worry, he wasn't. I know you were all worried about that. You were worried because you are all such good friends.
I realize that some of you think that I am stupid for being somewhat humiliated by this event. I'm just telling you now, you would be too if you were caught buying Astroglide instead of K-Y. It's like being caught with a fake Louis Vuitton. It looks the same, but it's just not and you look cheap when you're carrying it around.

P.S. Adam did not sucker-punch me.

He jammed a pencil in my ear drum.

It sucks being deaf. I wouldn't recommend it.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I'll Never Forget This Day.

It speaks for really does...


"She Like Shiny Things."

So, there are officially two weeks left until Cassie's wedding. Not that I'm freaking out, but there's stuff still to do. So, for the next two weekends I'll be staying at Ground Zero. Not THE Ground Zero, naturally, but still. Sorry, there was no need to bring the dramatics of 9/11 to this blog.
Our story involves four major characters, three of them happen to be not mentally handicapped. I honestly don't know the handicapped character's name, we'll just call her Lorraine. Yes, Lorraine is a good handicapped girl's name. Oh...and if any of you actually care, the other three characters are Cassie, Sue, and myself (of course...would I really be telling you this story if it didn't happen to me? Because, well, I don't care about anyone BUT myself).
Picture this with me...we have just been to get Cassie's hair "practice" done for her wedding, then to Wal-Mart to get the essentials (cat food, tampons, know....all the necessities), and we went on our way to Deals. For everyone who is smarter than me and doesn't know what "Deals" is, it is a dollar store. A dollar store full of magical things like Christmas decorations and ceramic figurines of black clowns sitting on Jesus' lap. I'm not sure why anyone would need a badly-painted ceramic figurine of a black clown sitting on Jesus' lap, but apparently there is a market for it. And that market is a dollar store.
I swear we went to Deals just for some cheap tissue paper (and maybe a cute little never know when the mood may strike). It was such a quick trip I couldn't foresee what was about to happen. We were there for about 2 minutes when we decided to check out, Cassie was up front...leading the way. Sue was right behind her and I, per the usual, was bringing up the rear. I wasn't really paying attention to what was happening up ahead (I was too involved with all of the magical items around me). I remember hearing Cassie say "Oh!", but I just assumed that it was one of her usual outbursts. Not 7 seconds later, I feel someone touch me. Not in a "Oops! I bumped you!" kinda way, more of a forceful "I know you and I'm kidding around" kinda way. I ignored it (because I really don't care about people) and within a second, I feel someone take a large amount of my hair and YANK it down. Not so that it was a light neck literally popped. Do you know how quickly your heartrate jumps up when your body goes into attack mode? I just about turned around a punched someone in the face. What I ended up doing was turning around to Lorraine's mom saying "Oh...sorry...."
NOW....if I were the mother of a handicapped teenager and my child just straight up yanked on some girl's hair at the store, I would probably be a little more apologetic than "Oh...sorry...". Of course, I could have been a litte more angry and said, "Keep your child's hands occupied with something else other than my hair, thank you very much or else I may end of killing would never harm a handicapped child".
So, after my shocking moment, I ran up to meet with my beloved cousin and aunt and tell them the freak incident that just occured. Turns out, not moments before...Cassie had a very similar incident with Lorraine. Apparently, this girl was staring at her diamond-esque headband atop her pretty little head (remind you, she just had her hair fixed the way it is going to be at the wedding). Then she lunged for it...she decided that the tiara was hers. Of course, Cassie is trying to dodge her with everything she has in her. Poor must be hard to be so beautiful and have crazy-eyed handicap girls lunge after you.
Of course, there was a response from the girl's mother during this event as well. The mother decided that instead of an apology, a simple response of "She just likes shiny things" would suffice.

Of course, maybe we should all just take a lesson from my aunt and get, as she says, "A short, dykey haircut"

Maybe then the world would have less head traumas from handicap girls who love shiny things.

Monday, June 1, 2009

I can't believe Cassie's wedding was so long ago.


You can't make this stuff up...

So, let me preface this by saying that Cassie and Joey's wedding was absolutely beautiful...and the quirks are what made the day even more memorable.

The day started off early. I did the things that needed to be done (yes, tanning NEEDS to be done....there is nothing worse that a pale fat white girl). I also went to Target. Oh, how I love can go in there trying to find one thing (in my case, aspirin), but you come out with so much more. I had a fabulous time finding tons of magical clearance items. Yes, I said was magical.
After my magical trip to Target, I went home to take a shower and get dressed for the wedding. Nothing exciting happened in the shower, so nothing to report there...sorry.
I decided to do my hair and makeup at the church, so I packed up my car and went to meet the guys at the Heart of St. Charles. There, I found out that one of the groomsmen had to fly back home because his wife was in labor. Yeah, seriously...he took a flight out the morning of the wedding.
After getting everything figured out with that situation, I was on my way to the church. Of course, the thought didn't occur to me that no one would be at the church yet and I was locked out. No biggie, though. I would just go to Starbucks and get my favorite non-coffee drink (Vanilla Bean Frap....believe me, it's heaven in a plastic cup). While going through the Starbucks drive-through, I made the mistake of allowing a conversation to happen between myself and the Starbucks guy. Here's the convo...
Me: "How are you doing today?"
Crazy Starbucks Guy: "Bummed, I'm missing the Texas football game."
Me: "Oh, that sucks. Why are you such a big fan of Texas?" (Fatal mistake)
Crazy Starbucks Guy: "I'm actually from Texas. I dropped out of high school when my principal called me to the office and told me that I was going to be half a credit short for graduation. I was just like, 'peace' and he was like, 'You can't go anywhere!' and I'm like, 'Yeah, I can...I'm 18, I can do whatever I want.' So, I moved to Missouri with my girlfriend that I thought I was going to marry, but she broke up with me, so I tried to finish high school here. But, well, you know how it is..."
Me: (My inner monologue is going crazy here...because, I DON'T know how it is to drop out of high school and I don't know what it's like to have smoked so much pot that I'm telling a complete stranger my whole life story face to face. I personally prefer a blog to share my life with complete strangers.) I just reply with a simple, "Oh....yeah...good luck with that."

So, after my Starbucks trip, I headed back to the church to find that Debbie-Do was there. Now, for anyone who doesn't know Debbie, she is the church appointed wedding planner. A wedding planner that has obviously had a side of crazy with her Cheerios. She has a gift for being in a constant state of frantic-panicness, but really isn't around when you need her. Oh, and her license plate really says "DEBI-DO", which actually speaks of her insanity. She is obsessed with things like dots on the floor, ugly fabrics, and cheese/grapes/cracker platters (to keep the blood sugar level, of course. All I could think of when she was talking about the "blood sugar" thing was 'Where's the wine?')

The girls arrived and they were in a hurry to get their dresses on to get their pictures done before the guys got to the church. Everything went swimmingly until Rachel tried to get her dress on. Poor thing, the dang zipper would not budge. We tried everything....deodorant on the zipper teeth, having her lie down on the floor to get a running start, having her take off the dress to try and loosen up the zipper (it wouldn't even budge when the dress was off of her, why would be assume we could get it up with it on?). Nothing worked, eventually the decision was made that Rachel would get sewn into her dress. It was done with little time to spare...poor thing. I can't imagine standing in one position for over an hour with someone sewing you into a dress.
The ceremony felt like it was 5 minutes and then it was over and we were on our way to the reception. The food was delicious, but I would never recommend the Heart of St. Charles just for the fact that the staff was so rude! First, Molly was getting a drink from the champagne fountain and the evil wedding coordinator at the Heart of St. Charles came up behind her and grabbed her drink and said "You need to be 21 to drink that." To which, I replied "She is 21!" and she said "I'm going to need to see some ID."
Molly said, "Fine." and went to get it, when she returned to show it to Tawny. Tawny just looks at her and says, "I can't read this...I don't have my glasses."
Fine. Strike one against them.
The second incident happened when I went to the bar to get Laura a drink. I ask for a coke and a rum and coke. The bartender asked for ID and gave him mine. He hands it back to me and gives me a coke. Here is that exchange of words....
Me: "I also need my rum and coke"
Him: "Yeah, nice try."
Me: "Try? Are you kidding me? I just showed you my ID"
Him: "Yeah...right."
Me: "Give me the drink, I'm 23 freakin' years old."
Him: "Your birthday isn't until November."
Me: "WHAT??!?!? It's February 24, 1983" (and I hand him my ID AGAIN)
Him: "No, it says here November 12, 2005"
Him: "Okay,'s your drink"
Me (under my breath): "You suck balls."

Other than those little snafus, everything was absolutely perfect. Cassie was the most beautiful bride ever and it couldn't have been better....

So, there you go....the story of the wedding. If you are upset that this was so long, then YOU suck balls, too. Stop reading now....

I mean it....

Stop reading.