Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I can't remember the last time I was this embarrassed.


Back by popular demand (Okay...Court asked).

Well, I have returned. I know that everyone was concerned that I may stay in North Carolina, but it's kind of hard to stay when Adam is dragging you out by your hair to get you on your flight back. Okay, that's an exaggeration. He sucker punched me in the face and said, "Leave."
I would be lying if I said that didn't hurt.
I have to say though, I had an absolutely wonderful time in the ol' NC (I mean, before being sucker punched). It just went so fast! It was good to see all of my butt-ugly seriously, they are all nasty lookin', with their blonde hair, big boobs (minus Adam), and tiny waists. I feel bad for them, I really do. It must be hard to look up to me like they do and wish they could gain a hundred pounds and have mousey brown hair too. It's hard to be this beautiful. I love them all so much, like Angelina Jolie loves little Cambodian children. I just wish I could adopt them and give them all faux-hawks...I think Lauren would look cute with a Maddox style faux-hawk.

Now on to today, I must share this totally ripped-from-Seventeen-magazine embarrassing moment I had at our local Walgreens. I was out and about with Laura today and we were trying to get some things together for Cassie's bachelorette party. I decided that I should run by Walgreens and pick up some lube as a prize for one of the "games" we are having. I didn't want to spend too much, so I found some lovely Astroglide that was on sale for $3.99. It totally worked for the purpose. As I was checking out, I noticed that it rang up at $8. Not that I'm cheap, okay...I am, but I didn't want to spend $8 on a 1 oz bottle of Astroglide. Not when I know that it's probably going to end of all over someones face the night of the party when some drunk girl decides that it would be the funniest thing ever. Lube on the face...why not? So, I (foolishly) asked "Isn't that on sale?"
Without any hesitation, Rebecca (the 50-year-old gray haired Walgreens lady with a matching gray mustache) picks up the phone and on the loud speaker requests for Mr. whatever-his-name-is to come up front for a price check. By the time the (young) manager guy gets to the front, naturally there is a long line backed up behind me. I'm repeating myself over and over again "Don't worry about it, it's okay...I was just's not a big deal...I SWEAR it's not for me!" A few minutes go by while 2 different managers are looking through the weekly ad, trying to find it on sale in there. (Of course my smart aleck sister-in-law is asking "Do you really think they are going to put LUBE in a weekly circular?") They wouldn't just drop it! I have irritated people behind me, watching 3 clerks at the Walgreens try to find out if lube is supposed to be four dollars cheaper. At this point I'm rambling on incoherently about some "party" and "joke" and "gag-gift". But, you know what people are always thinking when someone is trying to over-explain something. It means that person is lying. I realize this now and next time I will proudly say that the lube is for me and act happy about it. No! I will not pay $8 for lubrication for myself! No sir!

About 7 minutes of humiliation go by before the manager decides that the item was placed on the wrong shelf and I don't even get the freakin' discount. I think I should get the discount just for having the balls to make a deal about it. I need to learn how to keep my mouth shut sometimes. Now, if this were a true Teen Magazine story, I would have said that the manager was my secret crush that I've had since I was 13. Don't worry, he wasn't. I know you were all worried about that. You were worried because you are all such good friends.
I realize that some of you think that I am stupid for being somewhat humiliated by this event. I'm just telling you now, you would be too if you were caught buying Astroglide instead of K-Y. It's like being caught with a fake Louis Vuitton. It looks the same, but it's just not and you look cheap when you're carrying it around.

P.S. Adam did not sucker-punch me.

He jammed a pencil in my ear drum.

It sucks being deaf. I wouldn't recommend it.

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