9/23/2006
"She Like Shiny Things."
So, there are officially two weeks left until Cassie's wedding. Not that I'm freaking out, but there's stuff still to do. So, for the next two weekends I'll be staying at Ground Zero. Not THE Ground Zero, naturally, but still. Sorry, there was no need to bring the dramatics of 9/11 to this blog.
Our story involves four major characters, three of them happen to be not mentally handicapped. I honestly don't know the handicapped character's name, we'll just call her Lorraine. Yes, Lorraine is a good handicapped girl's name. Oh...and if any of you actually care, the other three characters are Cassie, Sue, and myself (of course...would I really be telling you this story if it didn't happen to me? Because, well, I don't care about anyone BUT myself).
Picture this with me...we have just been to get Cassie's hair "practice" done for her wedding, then to Wal-Mart to get the essentials (cat food, tampons, zip-ties...you know....all the necessities), and we went on our way to Deals. For everyone who is smarter than me and doesn't know what "Deals" is, it is a dollar store. A dollar store full of magical things like Christmas decorations and ceramic figurines of black clowns sitting on Jesus' lap. I'm not sure why anyone would need a badly-painted ceramic figurine of a black clown sitting on Jesus' lap, but apparently there is a market for it. And that market is a dollar store.
I swear we went to Deals just for some cheap tissue paper (and maybe a cute little figurine...you never know when the mood may strike). It was such a quick trip I couldn't foresee what was about to happen. We were there for about 2 minutes when we decided to check out, Cassie was up front...leading the way. Sue was right behind her and I, per the usual, was bringing up the rear. I wasn't really paying attention to what was happening up ahead (I was too involved with all of the magical items around me). I remember hearing Cassie say "Oh!", but I just assumed that it was one of her usual outbursts. Not 7 seconds later, I feel someone touch me. Not in a "Oops! I bumped you!" kinda way, more of a forceful "I know you and I'm kidding around" kinda way. I ignored it (because I really don't care about people) and within a second, I feel someone take a large amount of my hair and YANK it down. Not so that it was a light pull....my neck literally popped. Do you know how quickly your heartrate jumps up when your body goes into attack mode? I just about turned around a punched someone in the face. What I ended up doing was turning around to Lorraine's mom saying "Oh...sorry...."
NOW....if I were the mother of a handicapped teenager and my child just straight up yanked on some girl's hair at the store, I would probably be a little more apologetic than "Oh...sorry...". Of course, I could have been a litte more angry and said, "Keep your child's hands occupied with something else other than my hair, thank you very much or else I may end of killing her....neigh...you.....I would never harm a handicapped child".
So, after my shocking moment, I ran up to meet with my beloved cousin and aunt and tell them the freak incident that just occured. Turns out, not moments before...Cassie had a very similar incident with Lorraine. Apparently, this girl was staring at her diamond-esque headband atop her pretty little head (remind you, she just had her hair fixed the way it is going to be at the wedding). Then she lunged for it...she decided that the tiara was hers. Of course, Cassie is trying to dodge her with everything she has in her. Poor thing....it must be hard to be so beautiful and have crazy-eyed handicap girls lunge after you.
Of course, there was a response from the girl's mother during this event as well. The mother decided that instead of an apology, a simple response of "She just likes shiny things" would suffice.
Of course, maybe we should all just take a lesson from my aunt and get, as she says, "A short, dykey haircut"
Maybe then the world would have less head traumas from handicap girls who love shiny things.
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