Thursday, December 9, 2010

Those boys can SING...

Welcome to the first blog ever typed out from my iPod! Ohhh...I hope this works.

Last night I went over to Wendy's for dinner with Beth and Mikey and we started watching The Sing Off.
I think we were all pretty amazed at these fellas (so much so that B hit the rewind button and we rewatched the whole thing). I'm going to venture to say that these guys are going to easily take the whole competition.

Friday, November 12, 2010

The best thoughts come from sitcoms.

"Kids, I've been telling you the story of how I met your mother, and while there's many things to learn from this story, this may be the biggest. The great moments of your life won't necessarily be the things you do, they'll also be the things that happen to you. Now, I'm not saying you can't take action to affect the outcome of your life, you have to take action, and you will. But never forget that on any day, you can step out the front door and your whole life can change forever. You see, the universe has a plan kids, and that plan is always in motion. A butterfly flaps its wings, and it starts to rain. It's a scary thought but it's also kind of wonderful. All these little parts of the machine constantly working, making sure that you end up exactly where you're supposed to be, exactly when you're supposed to be there. The right place at the right time. "

Monday, November 1, 2010

Here's Your Sign.

I found some signs online from the Restore Sanity and/or Fear Rally that happened in DC....just thought I'd share some of the magic...


Waffles ARE delicious...

This pretty much sums up everything I feel about politics...

...and I appreciate that...

That DOES sound like something he would say...

The "Good People Vote Then Drink Good Beer" sign makes me think of Mikey. The "I Want a Sandwich" sign makes me think of me.

Being passive aggressive is underrated.

So do I...

I'm just now starting to realize that this sign is true...

I like that he likes all firemen, but only some cops.

The sad face is a nice touch.

Wouldn't it be nice if everyone lacked doucheyness?

Sunday, October 31, 2010

I don't think I'm even part Austrian.

For some reason I woke up this morning singing Edelweiss. I realize that's not very Halloween-y (Happy Halloween, by the way), but I figured I'd throw it on the ol' blog since I can't stop singing it. You know....why not?

Movie Videos & Movie Scenes at MOVIECLIPS.com

Saturday, October 30, 2010

The things left behind...

I've been trying to write this blog for almost a week now....I just haven't been able to find the words.

For the last few months, I've gotten used to coming home and either having dinner ready or having the ability to vent about my day...or (on really special nights) both. I've gotten used to waking up before my alarm goes off to the sound of someone showering (I'm actually thinking about paying someone to come to my house and turn on the shower 30 minutes before I wake up...it's a lot more soothing than waking up to a screeching alarm). I've gotten used to someone being around. I've gotten used to a much bigger TV. I've gotten used to a fridge filled with actual food (instead of just string cheese, expired yogurt, and Diet Coke). Not only did I get used to those things...I actually loved them.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that I may have some abandonment issues, but I find it pretty crazy that my life seemed to turn upside down the very same week that one of my very best friends...the friend that I have thrown everything at for the last three years...moved away. It really is crazy how much your life can change in one week. You can be headed in one direction and then suddenly you are faced with decisions you never thought you would have to make. I don't even like deciding what to eat for dinner, now I have to decide what I want for my life...without the person around that has the most insanely awesome listening skills on the planet.

Don't get me wrong. I want Chris to be happy and if moving to Kansas is what makes him happy, then so be it. Make no mistake, though...there are so many things that he left behind (which includes, but is certainly not limited to, the Notre Dame jersey hanging up by the washer and dryer).

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Saturday, October 23, 2010

The sound that goodbyes make...

I'm not going to sugarcoat this.

I have just experienced one of the top 3 hardest weeks of my life.

Best friend moving away: check
Organizing everything to be moved out of the house: check
Losing my job: check

I was really waiting for a stranger to walk up and punch me in the face.

The thing that has just absolutely floored me is the unbelievable support that I've received from my co-workers, friends, and family. I start to cry every time I think about the phone calls, texts, and emails I've gotten in the last few days.

I have some big decisions to make about where to go next, but yesterday it became quite apparent that wherever I go, Gary can't go with me. I first asked Chris if he'd take him (it's been well documented on this very blog that Gary has a crush on Chris), but with Chris kind of dealing with his own transient issues...it wasn't really feasible.
The next person that I thought of was my nephew Logan. He constantly talks about Gary and firmly believes that Gary is his cat. There is a slight problem with Logan taking him since my mom is allergic to cats (and likes to babysit her grandchildren), but I figured I'd ask my sister-in-law anyway. Thankfully, she agreed and last night I was able to call my nephew to see if he'd be okay with living with the fuzzy boy.
The conversation started like every other conversation that I have with Logie. He was telling me what he's been up to (he seems to be involved in some pretty intense 6 year old type stuff, I assure you) and then I asked him...
Me: Hey...I think Gary needs a home. Do you think that he can come and live with you?
Logan: (I swear, you could hear the smile in his voice) Yeah...
Me: Do you think you will be able to love him and hug him and be nice to him?
Logan: Yeah...
Me: Do you think Sadie will like it?
Logan: Sadie loves kitties!
Me: Do you think you'll let him sleep with you?
Logan: Yes! I leave my door open because I'm scared of the dark. He can sleep with me!
Me: Alright, I'll probably be there in a few weeks to drop him off.
Logan: Alright, I think we can do that. Here...talk to mom...

After typing all of that out, I can now see how I wasn't really able to capture how adorable my nephew was in all of his excitement.
So even though I'm sad that Gary is finding a new home...I'm so, so happy that he is going to be loved (insert me starting to cry once again here).


(And just so you know, "the sound that goodbyes make" sounds an awful lot like waking up to the sound of packing tape.)

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Penelope Went Home

So the little squirt has been discharged from the hospital and I had to post this picture...

AAAAAAAAAA-dorable.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Baby Pie

Penelope Mae was born today! (I didn't mean for that to rhyme)

She's 5 lbs 5 oz, 19 inches long and apparently looks exactly like me (although, I'm pretty sure my mom and brother were just saying that to make me feel special).

At this point, we're not sure how long she'll be in the NICU, but she seems to be doing pretty well. She only needed a little oxygen, had a little fluid in her lungs, and didn't need a blood transfusion (I was told earlier in the day that she would probably need one).

Oh...and the title of this blog is called "Baby Pie" because my nephew Logan was deciding on nicknames for his new cousin and that's what he came up with.
Which brings me to the sidenote of the evening:
Logan sent me his first texts of his life tonight. My 6 year old nephew texts! I honestly couldn't be prouder...

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Thursday Thoughts.

I was thinking that the title of this post sounded stupid, so I just went with it. Why not...right?

Sadie...
As you know (well, as you should know as long as you read the previous post), Sadie fell off a chair on Sunday and broke her baby femur. They (I'm going to assume that "they" are women who have both given birth and broken their femur) say that on a scale of 1-10, childbirth is a 9 and breaking your femur is a 10. Soooo...needless to say (but I'll say it anyway), 25 years from now (give or take 5 years), Sadie will be able to birth a child like a pro.
The thing that haunts me is her little drugged voice crying, "I want dowwwwwn..."
At two years old, she can't vocalize that she's bored and wants to move. She just cries and says she wants down. Although, she may be saying that because she feels high as a kite, but still...the poor thing will be stuck for 6 weeks.

Penelope (aka "A New Niece Without a Broken Leg")...
Tomorrow, at 2:30 EST, Penelope Mae Rogers will make her way into the world. I'm convinced that she will have big eyes and red hair. The perfect combination of Jade and Zack.
Penelope is in there...
Zack's best friend Adam spent entirely too much time with his Paintbrush app.


Drinking games...
The other day in school there was a lot of chatter about nonsense (as there always seems to be). My two school chums and I decided that we'd make a drinking game out of it (or a pretend drinking game out of it...since drinking at 9am in school is discouraged).
Here are the rules:
Anytime someone mentions their child - Take a shot
Anytime someone mentions their significant other - Take a shot
Anytime someone says, "That's what I'm sayin'!" - Take a shot

Just so you know, within 30 minutes I had hypothetically ingested 42 shots. Needless to say...if we were really consuming alcohol, I would've been dead by 9:30am.


Stats...
I've never noticed this before, but when I sign in to blogger.com, it has a tab that says "Stats". When I clicked on it, it showed me everywhere where my blog has been accessed. I was impressed with myself when I saw that it had been accessed in Germany...and then I remembered that Emily was just in Germany for work. I instantly felt less international.

I love, love, love this picture of Emily (and a guy she stole a hat from)


I'm going to end it there. Not because I don't have any more thoughts, but because I'm hungry and I want to grill some chicken to deliciously top my salad.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Pitiful & Cute

My 2 year old niece Sadie fell off of a chair yesterday.

My nephew described it like this, "She was playing and then she fell off mom's chair and then she did the splits and she broke her bone."

Apparently, when he was talking to my mom about it, he said that they wouldn't leave her in the hospital overnight because she's so cute. You have to love the logic of a 6 year old. Unfortunately, the hospital doesn't follow the logic of a 6 year old and she will have to stay in there for a little bit.

It was a spiral fracture to the femur and thankfully the doctor doesn't think there will be any long term damage. Of course, getting through the next six weeks with special car seats and a baby wheelchair may prove to be a challenge...

I honestly haven't seen such a combination of pitiful and cute in my life...

Sunday, October 3, 2010

One week from yesterday.

On October 9th, my cousin Dan will marry his longtime girlfriend Jenni. Since I'll more than likely be in full on aunt mode (which pretty much just includes posting tons of pictures of tiny hands and tiny feet), I wanted to make sure I gave a proper shout out.

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR UPCOMING NUPTIALS DAN AND JENNI!!!!

Since I love it so much, I have to also post a picture of some of my favorite people on the planet in some of their most heinous Christmas garb...
Man, this just makes me want to start planning an ugly Christmas sweater party.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Any minute now...

Yesterday, I posted a picture of my little brother grading papers, but I so rudely left out Jade (who has been stuck in the hospital for what seems like forever).

Penelope wasn't due to arrive until November 8th, but the plan is to bring her into the world on October 8th (unless she decides to cause even more problems).

These pictures were taken on one of the days that Zack took Jade on one of their walks around the hospital grounds. I believe this particular picture was taken at the top of the parking deck. Seriously, their options on where to travel to during these walks are limitless...

My favorite thing is that Jade said that these pictures show her pregnancy face, but really...her pregnancy face is just everyone else's regular face. I'm just she'll be back to her boney self in no time. :D

Friday, October 1, 2010

I feel old.

I know that my little brother has been in college for about four and a half years now (he's double majoring...not just slow), but my sister-in-law just posted a picture of him grading art projects that were done by his students. I think this was the first time that I had a moment of realization that my baby brother is an adult. He has students that are actually learning things from him.
You have to appreciate that this is the first time that I've thought of him as an adult since he's actually going to be a dad at any moment. Apparently, that didn't trip any adult alarms in my head when he announced that months ago.


I have zero doubt that he's going to be an amazing dad/teacher/youth pastor/bike assembler (actually, I'm not sure if he still assembles bikes...but he has put together a few pretty quirky ones that would fit right in at an art museum).

Friday, September 24, 2010

Because I don't actually want to discuss my life...

If you were to attend a costume party tonight, what or whom would you go as?
Not as someone dress in clothes from the 60's. Dang...I need to find an outfit for Monday's photo shoot. Did you know that dressing up as a hippie can save women from breast cancer??? Yeah, I didn't know that until recently...

What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger?
Ketchup, mustard, mayo, minced McDonalds-y type onions, cheese, pickles, extra pickles...and can you put a couple more pickles on that??

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
"Ugh. I need to tan tonight. Wait...what is THAT??? Oh, crap."

How much cash do you have on you?
Thanks for pointing out my lack of cash on me, stupid online survey about nonsense...

Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Angelo. He always calls at wildly inappropriate times...like when I'm sleeping.

What is your favorite ring on your phone?
The one that indicates that I'm getting a phone call.

What shirt are you wearing?
The same sweatshirt that I've worn every night for the last 27 days. It's really comfy and not at all ratty or stained.

Bright or Dark Room?
Dark. Definitely dark. Actually, I just decided that I wanted my work space to be more "home-y", so I had the handyman take out the fluorescent bulbs above my desk and replaced it with a lovely desk lamp. It's magic.

What were you doing at midnight last night?
Sleep is my favorite activity ever.

What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"So what's your status?"

Where is your nearest 7-11?
Probably somewhere in Tennessee.

What's a word that you say a lot?
Unfortunately, I've started to say, "Oh, heavens" way too much. I cringe every time I hear it slip out of my mouth.

Who told you he/she loved you last?
I just got an email from my friend Shana that said she loved me...it was like a warm hug.

Last furry thing you touched?
GARY!!

How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
Zero point zero zero

What is your current desktop picture?
Logan hugging Teddy

What was the last thing you said to someone?
Probably something along the lines of, "Am I annoying you again??" or "Do I talk too much?"

If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
Fly...nooo...a million dollars...no! Flying. Definitely flying orrrrrrrr...a million dollars.

Do you like someone?
I like a lot of people.

What was the last song that you heard?
"Tickle me and rub my belly...." (By the annoying purple toy thing on The League)


Wow. This was a short survey.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Freedom of speech for everyone...but YOU.

A friend of mine got verbally spanked yesterday for posting something on her Facebook status update. I can't quote her directly (since she felt she had to delete it within 24 hours), but it was something along the lines of, "I am so tired of people complaining about not being able to lose weight when they don't exercise or eat right."
You better believe that I both "liked" and commented the crap out of that status update. How frustrating is it to have someone complain over and over again about something in their life on Facebook and do absolutely zero to fix it?? I have been tempted numerous times to comment back to those people, "Well, maybe you should get off Facebook and go take a jog.", but you know me and my big, bleeding heart...I can't hurt people's feelings (or something like that).
Now, I'll be the first person to say that sure, I have some weight to lose (along with about 75% of the other people in this country), but also...I would never say this on Facebook. Because, really...who wants to be bombarded with complaints when they check in to see what's happening with their friends and family in the morning?? I'm going to be honest with all of you. Sometimes I'll do dramatic readings for my work friends of all of the complaints that I find on Facebook. Yes...if you are one that complains on a regular basis...I have probably made fun of you (although, don't worry...your name was never used, since no one in North Carolina knows or cares who you are). I'd rather not give anyone ammunition to do something similar with my words.
I don't understand how people can continue to say, "I don't know why I can't lose weight."
It's simple. You eat more than you move. Now that you have the answer, will you stop blaming other things on the reason you "can't" lose weight?

So, back to the story...last night, Stephanie posted an apology for the people who got their feelings hurt.
"I feel terribly for the status I put yesterday. If you read this and I offended you I am so very sorry. I am very passionate about seeing people reach their fitness goals. I know better than to speak my mind on here. :\"

Does anyone else see a problem with this??
I say that if one person has the right to complain, then it also gives everyone else the right to respond. Sure, not many people like to have a mirror held up to them (and I suspect that is the very reason why Stephanie's comment hurt some feelings), but who said a mirror is a bad thing?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The grandparents that no one wants...

There was a 70 year old patient that called me the other day. He was terrified (TERRIFIED!) of needles and small, enclosed spaces. Seeing that he needed to get an injection and he also needed to be enclosed in a million dollar coffin for about 45 minutes, I had the splendid task of talking him off his self-imposed ledge that he had managed to climb up on. It was a 20 minute conversation filled with him throwing out statements such as, “If you mess this up, I WILL find out where you live!”
I tell ya, there in nothing quite like a 70 year old man telling you that he’ll take you down if you “mess up”. How do you respond to that? Oh! Fun game! Multiple choice!! Here we go…

How did Sarah respond to the crazy man that threatened her over the telephone?
A. “Ohhh, don’t get too excited. I’m sure everything will be fine.”
B. “It wouldn’t be my fault if something bad were to happen!”
C. “I’ll give you a head start on where to find me. I live in Cornelius.”
D. “Have to talked to your doctor about getting some Valium?”

Alright…do you have your answer locked in???
Even though I eventually did ask him “D”, I responded to the threat with “C”. I don’t know…maybe I was feeling particularly snarky that day, but for some reason it worked. He stopped threatening me…I guess because he realized that I wouldn’t really put up much of a fight. My favorite thing is that within .34 seconds, I had the thought, “Do I respond to him with my address? Nah…even though I’m sure Chris would be able to take down this guy, I’m 100% sure he wouldn’t appreciate the fact that he would have to off a senior citizen for me. I guess I’ll just give him my city and let him use his magical powers to figure out my address if he really wants to kill me….”

The man walked into my office yesterday with his wife and asked, “Are you Sarah?” (be proud that I refrained from pointing to my name badge and saying, “What was your first clue?”). After helping him with his paperwork and getting him settled down for a bit, his wife walked up to my desk to show me something she saw in People magazine. It was a story on the Duggars.

Now, some people know this, but it’s kind of a fun fact about me that no one really finds that fun…
I heart the Duggars. I think they are the most amazing family. They live debt-free and all 19 of their kids are respectful and sweet. Michelle Duggar raises her kids with so much love…it’s quite inspirational (I know you can’t see me right now, but I actually just went to my happy place thinking about the awesomeness of the Duggars).

Anywhoozles, back to the wife…
So she shows me a picture of the Duggars and says, “Can you BELIEVE these people?!?! It’s just awful what they are doing!”
I inquired as to why she was so against them and I thought her response was so incredibly telling, “Well, even though they aren’t costing the government money, one of their kids will. I guarantee it! I always say that people should never have children, just have dogs. You can get a new dog every 14 years or so. Kids are around forever…and then they bring THEIR kids around. Ugh! It’s awful.”
I asked her after that what kind of dogs she has and she exclaimed, “OH! I don’t have any dogs…just kids. And grandkids! I’m telling you…don’t ever have them. They’ll come over to your house and mess up your stuff. By the way…feel how heavy my (gold and diamond encrusted) watch is. Isn’t it great? I got it as a gift from my husband.”

I sat there shocked. How can someone talk so nonchalantly about wishing she never had kids and grandkids and how she’d gladly trade them for a dog?!?!
Personally, I thought it was hilarious that she was trying to tell me that the Duggars were crazy. I so badly wanted to say, “Hey, honey…have a seat. Let’s talk about crazy. Your husband threatened me over the phone, then came in to my office and threatened me again. After that, you came up to tell me that you don’t care for your kids and grandkids and would much rather have a dog. Also, to show how little you think of your declaration of disinterest in your offspring, you handed me your Rolex to show it off like it held more weight than your words. THAT is what I call crazy.”

Of course, I can't say that to a patient (or his wife) and therefore, I just sat there with the same stupid grin on my face that I have every time I'm biting my tongue.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Dreams and whatnot.

I had a dream last night that keeps bothering me today. I know, I know…everyone loves to hear about dreams (it comes in at a close second to getting your teeth drilled on at the dentist’s office). I’m pretty much convinced that only one person will read this, but here it is…

I was taking a test in class and it was half multiple choice and half short answer/opinion type questions. My boss was my teacher and after grading the tests, she handed mine back. I got all of the multiple choice questions correct, but I missed all of the short answer questions. When I inquired with my boss/teacher why this was (since I was quite sure that my answers were correct), she simply stated, “Because it doesn’t matter what you say, your opinions will always be wrong.”

So…please share. What does this dream mean??

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

I hate to break it to you, babe...but I'm not drowning...

Happy Sara Bareilles Day!
Okay, okay...so I'm not a huge fan or anything. I generally don't care for girl singers (I'm sure I have some sort of psychological affliction that has caused these lukewarm feelings towards songstresses), but I can't stop watching this video.

Here's hoping her entire album (that comes out today) is just as super as this song...

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Women and children.

Today I want to discuss a few situations that I have come across in the last month. They all have to do with women and children and judging.

1. The other day I went to Food Lion. For people unfamiliar with Food Lion, it's like Harris Teeter's inbred cousin. For people unfamiliar with Harris Teeter, well...it's obvious that you don't read my blog very often since I write about the Teet every other week. Now...back to my recent trip to the Food Lion...
As I was checking out, the 25-ish year old cashier with a few missing teeth asked if my kids were ready to go back to school. I simply replied, "I don't have any kids."
To which she replied with a simple, "Uh ohhhh!!"
Go ahead and read her response out loud. "Uh ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
I promise...it felt good.

2. There have probably been 17 or so instances (most recently about a week ago) when a patient at work has asked if I am married, then inquired as to if I have birthed children. They always seem to give one of two responses after I tell them no on both accounts.
Either "Oh...it will happen before you know it!" or "Why not?"
My favorite is the "Why not??", like it's a question that can be answered. I'm starting to think that I need to give a, "My fiance left me for my grandma!" or just start sobbing uncontrollably.

3. A couple days ago a 20 year old friend of mine on Facebook stated, "I hate when people only talk about their kids on Faceboook...no one cares."
I commented, "I was thinking the same thing!"
Then an influx of angry mothers commented after that with such gems as, "Wait til u have kids b4 you make that judgment."
All that meant to me was that being a mother makes you too busy to type out words, but not too busy to not have time for Facebook.
I felt irritated that all of these moms felt it necessary to verbally slam a 20 year old with an opinion that the conversation stopped when I said something along the lines of, "There is a difference between talking about your kids and talking ONLY about your kids, you bitter wenches."

4. I believe I've written about this before, but there is a woman at my work who has told me multiple times, "Sarah, you don't know love until you have a child."
Needless to say, I am not friends with this person.

So this brings me to my question...

Why do strangers find it appropriate to comment about the status of my uterus usage (or non-usage, rather)??

Sunday, August 29, 2010

The People You Meet...

When you start something new, you are bound to meet a few interesting people. Mind you...I said "interesting", not "cool" or "awesome".
I started school last week and I found that there is a special breed of people that you will find in a continuing education class. In the state of North Carolina, a person has to be a certified nursing assistant before they are allowed to go to school for any sort of medical career. Needless to say, within this class you will find a wide range of intellect. Unfortunately for me, I'm taking a day class. Before I signed up, logic should have told me that a day class would be filled with stay at home mothers and people that generally haven't worked and/or used their brains in awhile.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm thankful for this class. I love feeling like a freakin' genius three days a week. Every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday morning, I get to go to school and feel like I'm being tested against 3rd graders (I was going to say "5th graders", but have you seen that show Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?? Those crazy kids know some stuff!).
The class is four hours long and this is the timeline of a typical day...

0830: Class begins. Someone will be talking over the instructor, but what did I expect?? Common courtesy was taught all the way back in grade school...the same week most of my fellow students got knocked up with their first kid.

0842: The instructor has already taught something important and repeated 5 different times, "REMEMBER THIS. THIS WILL BE ON THE TEST."
At least 3 people will raise their hands, NOT wait to be called on, and will simultaneously burst out, "Wait...what??? What did you say? Can you repeat that??"
Honestly, all I want for just one day is for that sweet instructor of mine to reply, "I'm sorry...I repeated myself 5 times...FIVE TIMES...if you weren't paying attention, that's your problem."

0847: First story of the day. These stories never help with the lesson and aren't even funny. You will get at least 10 stories a day (in no way is this an exaggeration) and they will generally look like this...
Instructor Wendy: It is important to do what your nursing supervisor asks you to do. If she wants you to get ice for a patient's injury, make sure you get that in a timely manner.
Student: OH! One time, my boyfriend asked me to get some ice for his gin and tonic and when I walked over to the fridge, I slipped and fell, but I was okay.
Instructor Wendy: Oh, ummm...okay...so, as I was saying...follow your nursing supervisor's instructions accurately.

0850-0920: There will be a little bit of learning, lots of story telling, and tons of eye-rolling (the eye-rolling is done exclusively by me).

0920: First break. I don't have to pee yet, but I'm wishing I had someone to sarcastically complain to about the idiocy we are experiencing. I may choose to text my friend Emily at this time to tell a particularly funny story from the morning. Although, I do try to refrain from that most days seeing that Emily is usually busy saving the world.

0930: Class resumes. More stories are told. I start daydreaming about going to work later. Ohhhh, yes. I daydream about going to my job.

1040: Second break. I run to the restroom with "bad plumbing". The whole bad plumbing thing is not just my opinion...there are signs everywhere that warn of it. No one ever feels good about going into a stall that has a big sign that says, "Plumbing is very old. Please hold down lever for 45-55 seconds to flush."

1050: Class resumes. More stories. More eye-rolling.

1230: Class gets out. To be honest, I am 3 for 3 on being the first person out of the classroom.


I do have to share a particularly wonderful story and I'm hoping that I don't have a "you had to be there" story on my hands, because this was a gem...
There is a white woman in my class around the age of 50. If there was an award for most annoying student on the planet, she would win hands down; not only is her voice annoying, but she is also the bearer of roughly 63% of all stories told in class.
One day an African-American student was asking a legitimate question of the instructor. The annoying woman interrupted the response from Wendy and said, "You know what she's sayin' sista?? It's totally whack the way everything goes down!!"
In no way has this white woman ever spoken in such a way, but I guess since she was addressing the black girl in class, she decided that it would be the only way the girl would be able to understand her.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh....classic racism. How I've missed you so...

Saturday, August 14, 2010

I can't stop listening to this song at the moment...

I wish there was a better video for this song. I've had it on repeat for the last 3 days, fo sho.

Friday, August 13, 2010

I must be missing that gene....

It's hard to go anywhere or watch anything on TV without seeing advertisements for the new Julia Roberts flick, Eat Pray Love. The other day I was watching something and a commercial for the Home Shopping Network came on. It appeared that they were trying to shill the Eat Pray Love experience (which apparently includes ugly handbags and necklaces that can be pretend prayer beads) on a "very special" Saturday showcase.

I was talking to my friend Emily this morning about how I just don't understand the obsession with this book. A few years ago, Adam handed it to me to read and it was the most painful two-thirds of a book that I've ever gotten through. It's not very hard to figure out that this book is a three-parter. I managed to get through the "eating" and the "praying", but screw the "loving". I put it down and never picked it back up. When I heard that it was going to be a movie, I thought it would be one of those straight-to-DVD situations. Apparently not. Apparently it's going to be the biggest movie of the summer. Dang.

I was happy to hear that Em didn't understand the greatness that is Eat Pray Love, either. She pointed out that it pretty much boiled down to a woman who was whining about her life and wanted to make everything about her. In the spirit of full disclosure, neither of us could finish the book...so our judgements really lie in the first two-thirds of the book.

I get the fact that people want to take a year off and "marvel at something" (I feel like I'm going to puke every time I hear Julia...errr..."Elizabeth" say that in the previews). I also get the fact that some people have enough funds to be able to take a year off of work and go discover themselves. What I don't get is that someone would think that the rest of the world cares about their journey to self-discovery. Do your friends care? Sure...they know you. Does your family care? I certainly hope so. Do complete strangers want to spend $14.99 on a paperback book and read it in their bathtubs? Well, apparently Emily and I are the only people on the planet that are saying "heck no!" to that offer.

What about you? Do you have any desire to see Julia Roberts discover her inner self??
I promise, this is a safe space. I won't lay down any hammers of judgement on you if this movie is the best thing in your book since the fine people at Nabisco decided to offer peanut butter filled Oreos. I really want to know what you think...

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

My guess is that this has never happened to you...

(Yes, mom. I will embarrass you.)

So I talked to my mom tonight and she informed me that one of her favorite bands (House of Heroes) Tweeted (or Twittered??) that they bought a new van for touring. Random fact, right? The reason that she shared this bit of information is because the band named the van after her. I'm going to venture to say that this only happens once in a person's life.

Sooo...props to momzy for being so cool that a band of 20-somethings named a vehicle after you. I'm going to believe that they named it after you because you're awesome and not because you're very, very white.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

I realize this is a bit weak...

I know it's a little like blog-cheating to do this, but today I'm going to give you a link to a blog that I enjoy on occasion. Bryan Allain pretty much hits every point I would have made (although, he does it more eloquently) if I happened upon this CNN article about infidelity.

http://bryanallain.com/archives/2010/08/04/negotiated-infidelity-is-a-crock/

How is it possible that there are people in this world that actually believe that "letting" a man cheat is good for a marriage?!?

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

If what they say is true...God hates me by now.



One of my favorite things (and by "favorite", I mean "it irritates me to no end") in the world is when I get an email forward about how Susie got an email and didn't forward it, so she died in a horrible car accident. By the way...who is checking Susie's email after she died to see if she forwarded a stupid email about rainbows and butterflies??? I can see it now...

Police officer leaning over the computer screen at poor, dead Susie's home: Well, this explains it. It was purely bad luck that Susie died while driving drunk. She didn't forward this charming email with the glittery butterfly. It's a shame, too....she was about to meet the man of her dreams within 21 hours...(fists pounding the sky) IF ONLY SHE HAD FORWARDED THIS EMAIL....

One of the few things that is dumber than those emails are the people who send them on a regular basis.

I firmly believe that the only email that is more wonderfully ridiculous than believing that bad luck will follow you if you don't forward an email to 7 friends in 7 minutes is believing that God will spite you if you don't lay down the hammer of God's love (in email form, of course) to 7 friends in 7 minutes. Nowhere in the Bible does it state that you will live in eternal damnation if you do not forward an email. The funny thing is, when I get emails that state such a thing, I always find it necessary to snarkily reply to the sender, "I'm not forwarding this, but it's not because I don't love Jesus...it's because the email is stupid and I don't send stupid emails. Please don't threaten me ever again by saying that God will stop loving me if I don't forward an email in a timely manner."

So take this as a warning. If you send me an email that includes a threat, you will be added to my list of ridiculous people who send ridiculous emails...and those people are on a list very closely related to a list of people that send me Farmville requests on Facebook. For the record...you Farmville people are not liked by anyone who is not also spending massive amounts of time feeding fake animals.

While we're at it...

PLEASE DO NOT FORWARD AN EMAIL WITH INSANELY HUGE FONT THAT CAN BE READ FROM OUTERSPACE (OR BY SOMEONE WHO IS READING OVER MY SHOULDER FROM ACROSS THE ROOM)!!

I should not have to scroll down multiple times to read one sentence. I am not blind. Thank you.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Just call me Judgey McJudgerson

This commercial is on entirely too much in the Charlotte area and I can't help but be concerned with how this girl walks. Is it just me or is her saunter a little...ummm...messed up?? Like her legs don't have nearly enough muscle to hold up the rest of her body and flowing blonde hair???



I'm also loving the guy in the commercial. I think the wardrobe and hair people thought that it would be best to make him look like he's from 1995.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Colors seem to fade...

I was talking to a patient today like I usually do. The conversations generally start off the same; I'll ask the patients how they are, they'll give me a brutally honest response (there is something about a doctors' office that allows people to shut off their filter).
Today there was a man that was talking about how he had slowly lost his ability to see colors over a two year period (there really was a medical reason as to why he was sharing his story...I don't think he just goes around and tells people about this). He hadn't noticed that it was happening (the brain is a tricky, tricky thing), but started to realize it when he couldn't tell the difference between a red light and a green light and he only saw gray sky.
When he finally went to the doctor, he had his cataract removed and for the first time in 2 years he saw the world in technicolor.
I'm not going to say it's unusual to meet a happy patient, but it's definitely not the norm (eg. Earlier today I pleasantly said hello to someone and they responded with a cold, "Why are YOU so happy??"). For some reason I was fascinated by this man's story and all I could say was, "That must have been great to finally be able to see color after all that time."
He looked at me for a second and replied thoughtfully, "It was the most amazing feeling of my life."
I literally got goose bumps. Not because this man could finally see color, but because the only difference between us is that he knows what it's like to lose colors and then get it given back and I've always been able to see colors and don't appreciate it.
Throughout the last week, I have been on a roller coaster of emotions. Other than it exhausting me, it's kind of put a gray haze over my week. I was thinking...wouldn't it be awesome to have a fairly simple procedure done and finally be able to see all the great things your life has to offer?
Just take a little Claritin and finally see that life isn't so bad...

So, my goal for this weekend* (yes, I'm starting small) is to focus on all of the super colorful stuff my life has to offer and forget about every gray-ish thing happening around me.

*It's always best to not start with a program too quickly. I'm going to start with this whole "Sarah will appreciate colors" thing at 6pm. You know...when the weekend officially starts. Cheers!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

One Night Only: Hotlanta

On Tuesday, Chris had mentioned that he was thinking about going to Atlanta to see William Fitzsimmons on Friday. Since there have been quite a few times where a fantastic idea has been hatched, but not actually followed through with, I was excited, but not necessarily expecting it to happen (because, hey...other things come up and life happens, right??).
I got an email on Wednesday that said the tickets had been bought. Although I was super stoked about the whole prospect of seeing a singer that I love and hadn't been able to catch yet, I was nervous about something I had going on Friday morning so I couldn't really focus on the excitement of Friday night until around Friday at 12:30.
By Friday at 1, I was on my way to Chris' to meet him for the 4 hour drive down to Atlanta. We made it to the venue at 6, had dinner, and went upstairs a little bit before William made it to the stage (it was an early show in the smallest venue I'd ever been to). Not only was the show in a very small venue, it also was filled with about 100 people sitting on the floor like it was a school assembly.
William ended up being a pretty funny dude (at one point making a joke about suicide and then pointing out that he can do that since he's technically a psychotherapist; definitely my kinda guy) and put on a great show (I decided it was the third best show I've ever been to). Near the end of the show, he decided to come out to the middle of the crowd (about 10 feet away from us) to sing "Good Morning".
By 8:30, the show was over and we were on our way back to Charlotte. The way back home was a little slower than the way there thanks to two different traffic accidents and a stop by McDonald's for some late night grub. I'm proud to say that we made it home a little after 1am without Chris having a aneurysm as a result of the other drivers (although, if I had a blood pressure cuff, I'm pretty sure I would've been able to confirm that his blood pressure sky-rocketed at one point during the drive).

Nothing makes me feel more like my mother's daughter than driving 4 hours to see a show and then driving home immediately after.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Just Beachy.

I realized this morning that I never posted about the crew's trip to Isle of Palms over July 4th. Here are a few of the highlights...

The Windjammer: On the night of the 4th, Chris, Thomas, Rob, Wendy, MJ (Wendy's friend that came in for a night), and I went out to The Windjammer. I had heard about The Windjammer many times in the past and I thought it would be a huge bar with all sorts of beach-type fanciness happening. Apparently, the only reason I had heard of it before is because it's probably one of the oldest bars in IOP and if you've been to IOP, you've probably been to The Windjammer (and there is absolutely nothing "huge" or "fancy" about it). My highlight of that evening was seeing Chris' face when he saw the middle-aged gay bartender that had roofied both him and Thomas the last time they were at The Windjammer to see Josh Kelley. C had wanted to use the restroom, but promptly turned around and decided it would be better to wait for a bathroom-going buddy (something about how creepy 50-year old gay men like to follow cute boys into bathrooms). After downing a few very solidly poured drinks (they don't mess around at that bar), we decided to go home. We called for a taxi (along with every other intoxicated person in Isle of Palms) and they said it would be a bit over an hour. With that news, Thomas took my phone and text messaged our dear, dear friend Beth and asked if she was asleep. Although she very much was asleep, Beth is not the kinda gal that can leave her friends hanging and came to get us. While waiting on Beth to get to the bar, I made friends with a girl named Brandy who said she'd call the next day and we'd go out on her boat.
I can't say that I'm surprised or hurt that Brandy did not call the next day. *sigh* I guess it's time that I delete her number out of my phone.
Hank's: On Tuesday night, the crew went to a bar for a few pre-dinner drinks and then to an awesome seafood restaurant that Mike had been to before during a bachelor party weekend. There isn't much to say about it other than it was really, really yummy and I learned what cebiche is.
Nightswimming: On Wednesday night, we were once again feeling really good and decided to do a little nightswimming in the community pool. Mike, Beth, Wendy, Thomas, Lael, and myself made our way to the pool around midnight and decided that there really was no need for swimsuits (well, everyone except for Lael, who explained that teachers can't risk getting caught naked in a pool). While I was paying attention to the stars (it was so beautiful out that night) and not my swimsuit, I heard a commotion happening at the gate. The commotion ended up being about 34 20-something people coming into the pool area. Okay, so maybe there weren't that many strangers infiltrating our space, but when you have no clothes on, you definitely feel like there are a lot more than there actually are. At that point, I started frantically searching the perimeter of the pool for my swimsuit (while still in the pool). I knew it had to be somewhere...it's not like the thing had legs. Well, you know...unless your friend Lael used her legs to take it and hide it before the random strangers showed up. I have to say that I'm so trusting that never once did the thought of someone taking it cross my mind. Eventually, someone found it for me and threw it into the pool. When I finally got out of the pool, I was told that Thomas and Lael went to the big pool (aka: the ocean), so Mike, Beth, and I started running to where they supposedly were. On the way to the ocean, Beth bit it on the sidewalk (life lesson: don't run in flippies). I vaguely remember her lying on the concrete, laughing really hard. Mike said he was taking Beth home to clean her up while I exclaimed, "Okay! I'll go find Thomas and Lael!" (like I was doing them a favor or something) and I ran off to the ocean.
After what seemed like forever of yelling out to the ocean for Thomas and Lael, I went back to the house and told Mike (who was cleaning up Beth), Beth (who was wrapped up like a burrito on the couch), and Wendy (who was intensely working on a puzzle) that Thomas and Lael were missing. Seeing that I was distressed, Mike replied, "Well, maybe they went to sleep downstairs."
I then ran downstairs to search the bedrooms and came back upstairs in tears because at that point I was sure that they were dead in the ocean. While trying to explain to my friends why we should be worried, Thomas and Lael walked into the house...very much not dead.
Go figure...I was worrying for no good reason once again. Last week, Rob gave me some pretty solid advice on the subject, "Hey, Sarah...if a guy and a girl go missing and can't be found, it's probably because they don't want to be found."
Ohhh, if only Rob had not left the night before so he could of given me that advice the night of my freak out.

The engagement: On Thursday, Mike and Beth went out to Charleston to discover the city until around 4. When they got back, I was lounging on the couch, reading a book while Mike was getting dinner ready in the kitchen. Beth came and sat near me while we talked about the day. She was holding a yogurt in her left hand and when I finally looked away from my book to look at her, I was blinded by something on her ring finger. Needless to say, after reality struck, I started to completely freak out. Mikey had told no one that he was going to ask her (except for her parents...how sweet and completely proper is that??). Thomas was in the back room watching a movie and thought that I was freaking out about something completely different (I'm known to freak out about even the smallest stuff, I guess). Beth eventually went back there to tell him the big news. The night was topped off with an insanely delicious steak dinner and champagne toast. It was definitely the biggest and most memorable nights of the whole trip. Heck...it'll probably be one of my most memorable nights of my life (yeah...I am really, really, really happy for my friends...).

Nightgolfing: On our last night of the trip, we made our way to the golf course (in our backyard) at dusk to steal a little golf time on the 5th hole. While normally this hole wouldn't take Mike and Thomas too long to get through, they were golfing with Beth, Wendy, and me. I hadn't golfed in about 10 years, so needless to say, it took a little while to make contact to the ball. In no way was it a terribly successful golf outing if you're measuring success by getting the ball in the hole in a timely manner. Fortunately, I measure success by how much fun it was and I have to say...it was crazy successful.

Needless to say, this was just a quick recap of a week of awesomeness. I already feel like I've forgotten a bunch of stuff. To see the rest of the pictures from the trip, here's the link:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=457484&id=621210124&l=c15a45cdcf

Saturday, July 17, 2010

What does it MEAN?!?!?

My coworker called me on Thursday and asked me to stop by his desk. When I got there, he very seriously said, "You have to watch this."

After a pretty rough week, I thought there was something else that was about to go down.
I was completely oblivious to the fact that I was about to be given the magical gift of Native American hilarity.

Apparently this fella is a 400 pound Indian that really did wonder what the double rainbow meant....




As tears of funniness were streaming down my face (the video really did just get funnier and funnier), the only question I could ask (over and over, I might add) was, "Was he high????"

Rumor has it, he was only high on life.

(as an added bonus, you can also have the Double Rainbow song that someone on Youtube auto-tuned...I'm pretty sure it will soon be played in nightclubs across the country...)

Friday, July 16, 2010

The things you do to save money...

Recently, I've been trying to cut costs. One of the funnest (and totally not sucky) parts of this is getting creative with whatever random foods I happen to have in my pantry and freezer (who has had meatballs for the last week for breakfast? I'll never tell...). Although I usually stick with my own fridge, sometimes I can't help but raid the one at work. Earlier this week we had one of our referring offices come for lunch. Per the usual, my favorite marketer (HI KAREN!) ordered a tray of wraps from Camille's. There are a few reasons why we love having guests, but naturally one of the perks is the seemingly endless supply of leftovers. You'd think I'd get tired of Camille's since I've had half a wrap for lunch and dinner for the last three days, but sadly...I have not.

One of my finest moments of this money-saving endeavor came tonight when I was cleaning out the fridge for the weekend (who likes to return to work on Monday to the smell of something growing on mystery food?)

There were 7 leftover wraps in the fridge that would definitely not stay so delicious for 2 more days. What would you do? Throw them away, you say?? Oh, heavens no. Not on my watch.

While I appreciate that some people would feel comfortable throwing away that much edible food, I on the other hand, did not.

What did I do, you ask?

While I couldn't possibly consume that many tortillas (and honestly wasn't wanting that many carbs), I painstakingly unwrapped each one and picked every bit of chicken out of those wraps. It may sound like a lot, but, well...oh okay, who am I kidding? There was a bunch of chicken. Who cares, though? It's grilled chicken! How bad can it be for you??? Plus, who just had a free dinner consisting of bits of gourmet chicken (oh, yes...I just called it "gourmet"...I didn't have to cook it, therefore it's "gourmet". Just go with it, okay?)??? This gal!

Maybe next week's lunch meeting will be a Moe's (WELCOME TO MOE'S!!!) buffet and I'll be able to have my way with a tray of refried beans. A girl can only dream...

Thursday, July 1, 2010

I stole them.

So many times I've read my favorite blogger's status updates on Facebook and wanted to steal them. Unfortunately, I'd feel too guilty if I did that and all of my Facebook friends (other than my momzy...she's already fake friends with him) have suffered for it. Suffered because they haven't gotten to read the awesome one liners.
Seeing that I want to remember these, I'm going to make a list of some of my faves...

LeBron James signs with Washington Generals. Promises to "Destory Curly and the rest of the Globetrotters next season."

"Retire, relax, enjoy your family. It is just a phone. Not worth it." Steve Jobs to mad customer. (I agree but Apple launched the iPhone 4 like it was made of unicorn tears)

"Eclipse is best Twilight film yet" (That's like saying "Getting punched hurts less than getting stabbed." It's relative)

"FIFA vows to fix officiating by November." Entire world points out that World Cup ends in July.

"This was a private incident between me and a bear," Best. Bear. Attack. Quote. Ever.

A guy is hitting on a girl on the train. I don't want to get off. It's like a low budget Bachelor. I want to see what happens next. Who will get the subway rose???

Watches don't break, they just become bracelets.

Portugal vs. Brazil is like a Kardashian-less version of the Lakers vs. the Celtics.

Sometimes I want to swim around in the Apple store like Scrooge McDuck in his money bin.

Diehard Lakers fan security guard jumped my car. Tempted to phone this day in to Delilah. Pretty sure Chicago can fix it.

It always terrifies me that airlines make you feel like it would only take one jerk playing bedazzled on their iPhone to crash the plane when electronics are supposed to be turned off.

Had dinner with MLB great John Smoltz last night. (He was a few tables over and didn't talk to me but that's semantics)

Just saw guy sitting in front of Apple store, using a Dell, wearing a shirt that said, "Your Mac sucks." He needed a hug.

Baseball announces they will not reverse perfect game call. Also tell kids Santa is not real & kicks puppy.

Burger King serving ribs might just be the fourth horseman heralding the end of days.

"Do you know the writer Jon Acuff? He lives near here." Stranger said to me at pool, upon meeting my family for first time. "I hear he's really handsome." My response.

There is no part of me that believes Kid Rock spent Detroit summers as a youth, "catching walleye & listening to Sweet Home Alabama"

I am convinced that the woman who turns on the light when she comes in at 9AM to work feels that the 20 of us who didn't turn it on are sitting in the dark because we were unable to find the switch.

Ever watch the last scene of the movie "Can't Hardly Wait" on Youtube over and over? No? Oh, me either. That'd be dumb.

Oil spill maybe "act of God." Texas Governor. (I'd argue but that breaks my "never argue with a guy who shot a coyote while jogging" rule)

NFL player Santonio Holmes kicked off plane for refusing to turn off iPod. Dang, how dope was the jam he had on! (My guess? It was Biz Markie, "Just a Friend." That song comes on, you don't turn it off.)

Okay...I'm forcing myself to stop. You get the point. I hope you found at least one as funny as I did.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Oh. So THIS is how I'm going to die.

Last Sunday as I was getting ready for church, I got a phone call from Lauren. She told me to strap on my boots 'cause we were going up to the mountains to go horseback riding at her dad's house. Although normally I'd be all about it, I felt a little guilty about missing church. Of course, that guilt was quickly dispersed when Lauren assured me that God would want me to go to the mountains.
By the time we made it to Virginia, it was lunchtime and her dad was cooking up some sloppy elk. It looked exactly like a regular sloppy joe, but tasted about 235% better. Who knew? Elk is delicious! After lunch we went out to the pasture to pick out our horses. I was told that Minnie was the easiest one to ride, so I got her. Lauren got Glory, the blind-in-one-eye horse who also happens to still be nursing her baby.
It took about an hour to saddle the horses up and I hopped on. Unfortunately, I pulled myself up onto Minnie like used to do when I was 5 years old and would pull myself onto Gus (with every bit of arm strength that I could muster). I managed to tear a few muscle fibers from the bone in which they were intended to stay attached to with that move. Ugh. I'm an idiot. (I can assure you that the second time I got on, I did it like a normal person. You know...with leg strength and grace.)
After riding Minnie around the barn about 3 times (for some reason she was really loving that barn), Lauren was on her horse and ready to go. Her dad had been fighting some sort of illness all week and said he would just wait in his truck while we rode for awhile (the pasture where the horses are is definitely not within walking distance of the house, so her dad had driven us to the barn).
The first 3 minutes of our excursion was great! Minnie followed Glory out into the field with lovely wildflowers and then came the not so fun part...
Right when we got to the edge where "the field" became "the woods", Minnie decided that she had had enough and she wanted to get back to the barn...fast. She turned around and ran full steam ahead through the wrong gate and between two ponds. No matter how much I pulled back and screamed, "WHOA!!!!", she would continue on (and actually go faster). My first thought was, "Well, this must be how I'm going to die. I will be falling off this horse and falling onto a rock like Michelle did in the series finale of Full House. Dang." Eventually I realized that if I didn't want to fall off, I would just have to let go of the reigns and hang on tight until she got to where she wanted to go.
Right as Minnie was turning around, I had seen Glory rear up on Lauren. By the time we finally got back to where Minnie wanted to go, I yelled for Lauren's dad to help me. My favorite part was when he just stared at me when I screamed "HELP!", but when I said, "Oh! And Lauren is having trouble with Glory back there!", he went running. Oh, well...I can't blame him for playing faves.

So needless to say, we spent our Father's Day doing something that has bugged fathers around the world for years...
Begging to do something (in this case, riding horses) and then calling it quits 10 minutes later when the going gets tough.

Monday, June 21, 2010

That kid gets around...

After I got home from work today, I watched a Glee episode that I hadn't seen before (I didn't get on board with Glee until about 4 episodes in...so sad).
In this episode, they had this expensive jerk of a choreographer come in and be crazy-offensive to the kids of New Directions. I had to pause and rewind his scene multiple times to figure out where I had seen him before. Normally Chris is the guy to turn to for obscure "what-else-was-that-guy-in?" type questions, but I must say that I was proud of myself for figuring this one out.
This was him on Glee...
This is him as Duckface on Full House:

And the piece de resistance, my friends....
I knew I had seen him somewhere else, too. I could picture him...in the late 80's...in a really, really obscure video that they would show in Children's Church when they didn't feel like giving a real lesson.
Oh, yes. He played Phillip in McGee and Me. Bonus points (for anyone other than my mom) that has ever even heard of McGee and Me.
I couldn't find any pictures of him, but I did find a video on youtube. You'll find this kid at :18, so you don't have to look very far. Well, unless you want to...he actually does have speaking parts. (Also, check out Renee's hat. I remember thinking that she was just the coolest...)




So there you have it, my dears...I CAN be counted on to figure out what people starred in before they made it semi-big in a popular primetime musical comedy. Well, as long as that person starred in a family-friendly video series that may or may not have been produced by Focus on the Family and was frequently shown in conservative churches in the late 80's and early 90's.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Thursday, June 17, 2010

This is how you write a blog...

I read today that there are 12 ways to write a blog. Only 12. Who knew??
I'm going to try to cover them all in one fantastical bloggity-blog-blog. (You know what's a funny word? Blog. Blllllllllllloggggg. Go ahead and say it. It's super!)
Okay, here we go...

1. Respond to something elsewhere on the web. There is a top news story on MSN entitled "Evasive BP CEO leaves Congress Flummoxed".
Does anyone else feel like the author of this news story went a little nuts with his thesaurus? I'm not embarrassed to say that I had to look that one up on dictionary.com. Okay, maybe I am a little embarrassed. Whatever. And really, how perplexed (apparently that's what "flummoxed" means) could congress really be? There is a pipe that won't stop spewing oil. No one can figure out how to fix it. Did they really think they were going to get answers on how to fix it from Tony Hayward? Ohhh...silly rabbit....

2. Suggest an idea.
Let's hang out this weekend.
Wait, you don't want to??
Oh, well...at least I suggested something.

3. Interview someone.

Unfortunately I don't have anyone at the hizzy with me. Well, except for Gary. I guess I shall interview him.
Me: Hey Punky! (Yes, I call him Punky when no else is around. He likes it...kinda.)
Gary:
Me: Are you mad at me because I got home late from work?
Gary:
Me: Did I forget to feed you again?
Gary:
Me: You can't silent treatment me! I'm going to silent treatment YOU!
Gary: *sneeze*
Me: Ugh.

4. Blog an event

Like a live event? Like what tech-savvy people do?? I'd have to make a few calls and it hardly seems worth it.

5. Ask a question
What is the most embarrassing thing on your iPod?

6. Pick a fight

Obama is brilliant.
Bush was amazing.
Ross Perot has big ears. (Not that anyone is really going to fight me on that. I just saw a picture of him and was reminded just how big his ears really are.)

7. Reflect on something

Remember that time we did that thing and it was really fun? We should do that again.

8. Do something visual




9. Review something

I'm going to review Stephanie Klein-Davis' picture that she submitted to The Roanoke Times of the concerned pregnant woman smoking.
AH-MAZING.

10. Make a list
Isn't this entire blog a list of ways to blog??

11. Write a how-to
What do you want to know how to do? You let me know and I'll do my best to write you a step by step guide.

12. Let someone else post
I actually have someone wanting to guest post. We'll see if that ever happens. Although, I do enjoy that one of the 12 ways to blog is to not blog and let someone else do all the work. Brilliant.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Cerebral palsy is the sexiest of all the palsies...

I was wasting time today online (shocker) and I found this guy as a top news story on Yahoo. It may have been the state of mind I was in, but I couldn't stop laughing at his stuff.

I guess Oprah is having a contest for people to get their own TV show on her new network ("YOU get a TV show...YOU get a TV show...YOU get a TV show...") and Zach Anner was one of the submissions. Out of curiosity, I watched the chick who is currently in second place (with, quite literally, one million less votes than Zach) and I can see why people continue to vote for him.

This is his Oprah audition tape:


Then he thanks the world for their response. Personally, it's my favorite because he's so stinking genuine and yet still super funny:


Then John Mayer video-blogged to Zach and made him an offer to write his theme song:


To which Zach replied with:


HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THIS FELLA?????

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I'm quite sure it's going to grow on me...

Ray Lamontagne posted a new song! I don't think it's his best ever, but still...any new Ray is good for my soul...



August 17th is going to be a pretty awesome day. I have to make sure that I mark it on my calendar as such.

Monday, June 14, 2010

If you're spending more time on Facebook than in THE book...

I'm going to have to warn you that I'm feeling especially ADD tonight, so this blog may not be as fluid as my other blogs usually are. <-- (You see, that's funny because I'm acting like my blogs aren't usually a mash-up of ridiculous thoughts.)

This past weekend, the crew went out for Scott Steele's birthday. I'm honestly not sure at what point I started using the term "the crew" like I'm in the movie Clueless (Tai: "Who's Elton?" Dionne: "He's way popular. He's like the social director of the crew." Cher: "Yeah, and his dad can get you into any concert..."). Come to think of it...I'm not sure I can even clearly define who "the crew" consists of. And if this "crew" is missing a key member, is it no longer "the crew"?? Is it just a group of friends that ceases to be a "crew" until the wayward missing person returns to the flock???
Wow...sorry...back to the topic at hand...

So we went out this weekend for Scott's birthday. It was pretty low key. We started at Nakato where I was able to partake in some witty banter with the hibachi chef. Okay, maybe it was more "smiling and pretending like I knew what he was talking about" than "witty banter", but whatever...he seemed nice and I'm pretty sure he was only making fun of me for choosing sushi over noodles and bite-sized pieces of meat. Dang. Now that I think of it, he could have been making fun of so many things without me understanding. I'm just going to choose to believe that he was making fun of my love of the classic California roll.
After dinner, we went to Eastfield for a few drinks and some conversation. It was so loud inside, that I made my way to the patio where I learned a ton about college hockey and got to hear an argument as to why a hockey jersey is appropriate decor for over a fireplace. I also learned from the new guy that people that can't form a coherent thought while speaking, but can write one are stupid (at which point I told the story about how I had a particularly embarrassing night and when I tried to tell my mom about it, she stopped me and said, "Honey, why don't you just blog about it? It's so much better that way.") Beth pointed out that, yes, everyone at the table pretty much wrote how they spoke...except for Sarah. I'm not sure if New Guy understood that he had just offended me, but it didn't really matter. I'm a big fan of the I'm-rubber-you're-glue argument and I have a feeling that he really couldn't talk OR write, so there...take that, New Guy.
OH! I also learned that steel gray and black are "girly" colors. After that disagreement, I excused myself and headed back inside where I wouldn't have to deal with the mess after Beth's head exploded.
And that was pretty much that. A little conversation happened inside. Scott ordered his standard of a shot of Jager with the check. Chris got hit on by the cute girl with a horrific laugh. Sheeshers, well, Sheeshers wore a black shirt and jeans (sorry, Sheesh...I couldn't think of anything that happened with you at the end of the night other than you giving Scott the evil eye and telling him that you wanted to go home, but I didn't think you'd want me to say that on the ol' blog. Wait....oops....sorry...)
The ride home was really special. It pretty much consisted of me trying to form coherent sentences to a fairly buzzed Chris. By the time we were back to Cornelius, I realized that maybe New Guy was right about people who can't form a coherent sentence.
Ugh...dang you, New Guy...

And as for my blog title...
Beth, Mike, and I went to try out a church awhile back and the pastor was rather bitter about healthcare and technology in general. He said something about how if "you're spending more time on Facebook than in the book, then..."
I honestly can't remember the rest of his threat (Hey Beth or Mike...can either of you show off your stellar memory skills and help me out here?), but we've probably repeated that phrase 10 times since we heard it. There's nothing like creating hilarity out of a serious trip to church. I think the only thing I learned that Sunday was that I'm meant to remain at a jeans-wearing, drum-playing type of church and that no one should try to pack church, lunch, hiking, and book club all in the same day.