If what they say is true...God hates me by now.

One of my favorite things (and by "favorite", I mean "it irritates me to no end") in the world is when I get an email forward about how Susie got an email and didn't forward it, so she died in a horrible car accident. By the way...who is checking Susie's email after she died to see if she forwarded a stupid email about rainbows and butterflies??? I can see it now...

Police officer leaning over the computer screen at poor, dead Susie's home: Well, this explains it. It was purely bad luck that Susie died while driving drunk. She didn't forward this charming email with the glittery butterfly. It's a shame, too....she was about to meet the man of her dreams within 21 hours...(fists pounding the sky) IF ONLY SHE HAD FORWARDED THIS EMAIL....

One of the few things that is dumber than those emails are the people who send them on a regular basis.

I firmly believe that the only email that is more wonderfully ridiculous than believing that bad luck will follow you if you don't forward an email to 7 friends in 7 minutes is believing that God will spite you if you don't lay down the hammer of God's love (in email form, of course) to 7 friends in 7 minutes. Nowhere in the Bible does it state that you will live in eternal damnation if you do not forward an email. The funny thing is, when I get emails that state such a thing, I always find it necessary to snarkily reply to the sender, "I'm not forwarding this, but it's not because I don't love Jesus...it's because the email is stupid and I don't send stupid emails. Please don't threaten me ever again by saying that God will stop loving me if I don't forward an email in a timely manner."

So take this as a warning. If you send me an email that includes a threat, you will be added to my list of ridiculous people who send ridiculous emails...and those people are on a list very closely related to a list of people that send me Farmville requests on Facebook. For the record...you Farmville people are not liked by anyone who is not also spending massive amounts of time feeding fake animals.

While we're at it...

PLEASE DO NOT FORWARD AN EMAIL WITH INSANELY HUGE FONT THAT CAN BE READ FROM OUTERSPACE (OR BY SOMEONE WHO IS READING OVER MY SHOULDER FROM ACROSS THE ROOM)!!

I should not have to scroll down multiple times to read one sentence. I am not blind. Thank you.