Sunday, August 29, 2010

The People You Meet...

When you start something new, you are bound to meet a few interesting people. Mind you...I said "interesting", not "cool" or "awesome".
I started school last week and I found that there is a special breed of people that you will find in a continuing education class. In the state of North Carolina, a person has to be a certified nursing assistant before they are allowed to go to school for any sort of medical career. Needless to say, within this class you will find a wide range of intellect. Unfortunately for me, I'm taking a day class. Before I signed up, logic should have told me that a day class would be filled with stay at home mothers and people that generally haven't worked and/or used their brains in awhile.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm thankful for this class. I love feeling like a freakin' genius three days a week. Every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday morning, I get to go to school and feel like I'm being tested against 3rd graders (I was going to say "5th graders", but have you seen that show Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?? Those crazy kids know some stuff!).
The class is four hours long and this is the timeline of a typical day...

0830: Class begins. Someone will be talking over the instructor, but what did I expect?? Common courtesy was taught all the way back in grade school...the same week most of my fellow students got knocked up with their first kid.

0842: The instructor has already taught something important and repeated 5 different times, "REMEMBER THIS. THIS WILL BE ON THE TEST."
At least 3 people will raise their hands, NOT wait to be called on, and will simultaneously burst out, "Wait...what??? What did you say? Can you repeat that??"
Honestly, all I want for just one day is for that sweet instructor of mine to reply, "I'm sorry...I repeated myself 5 times...FIVE TIMES...if you weren't paying attention, that's your problem."

0847: First story of the day. These stories never help with the lesson and aren't even funny. You will get at least 10 stories a day (in no way is this an exaggeration) and they will generally look like this...
Instructor Wendy: It is important to do what your nursing supervisor asks you to do. If she wants you to get ice for a patient's injury, make sure you get that in a timely manner.
Student: OH! One time, my boyfriend asked me to get some ice for his gin and tonic and when I walked over to the fridge, I slipped and fell, but I was okay.
Instructor Wendy: Oh,, as I was saying...follow your nursing supervisor's instructions accurately.

0850-0920: There will be a little bit of learning, lots of story telling, and tons of eye-rolling (the eye-rolling is done exclusively by me).

0920: First break. I don't have to pee yet, but I'm wishing I had someone to sarcastically complain to about the idiocy we are experiencing. I may choose to text my friend Emily at this time to tell a particularly funny story from the morning. Although, I do try to refrain from that most days seeing that Emily is usually busy saving the world.

0930: Class resumes. More stories are told. I start daydreaming about going to work later. Ohhhh, yes. I daydream about going to my job.

1040: Second break. I run to the restroom with "bad plumbing". The whole bad plumbing thing is not just my opinion...there are signs everywhere that warn of it. No one ever feels good about going into a stall that has a big sign that says, "Plumbing is very old. Please hold down lever for 45-55 seconds to flush."

1050: Class resumes. More stories. More eye-rolling.

1230: Class gets out. To be honest, I am 3 for 3 on being the first person out of the classroom.

I do have to share a particularly wonderful story and I'm hoping that I don't have a "you had to be there" story on my hands, because this was a gem...
There is a white woman in my class around the age of 50. If there was an award for most annoying student on the planet, she would win hands down; not only is her voice annoying, but she is also the bearer of roughly 63% of all stories told in class.
One day an African-American student was asking a legitimate question of the instructor. The annoying woman interrupted the response from Wendy and said, "You know what she's sayin' sista?? It's totally whack the way everything goes down!!"
In no way has this white woman ever spoken in such a way, but I guess since she was addressing the black girl in class, she decided that it would be the only way the girl would be able to understand her.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh....classic racism. How I've missed you so...

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