Sunday, May 31, 2009

My mom knew I'd like this one...

My mom and I had a lovely conversation via the telephone the other day and she said something about a blog that she loves almost as much as mine. Don't be is actually way better than my blog will ever be, but she birthed me and has to love me more (it's a law, I think).
It's a complete rip off of the blog Stuff White People Like (which I believe is mentioned in post #1 of this guy's blog) called Stufff Christians Like (yes, 3 f's). I'm not going to lie...I've been spending way too much time catching up on his blogs (when I really should have been doing actual work). If you spent your childhood in church and have some time to waste, you will definitely appreciate this blog. I would suggest starting at #1. It makes more sense that way.

If you have no desire to discover the site yourself, here are some of my faves....

#104. Putting God in the liner notes.
When I was in college in Birmingham, I used to attend a church called Brook Hills. One Monday in the lunch room I noticed a kid that had sung a great song at church. I approached him by the cereal and said, "That was a really good song you sang yesterday, did you write it?" He looked at me with unexpected disdain and replied, "No, God did." And then he walked away.

I felt like such a heathen. At that point in my life I felt like God had gone silent. I wasn't getting any word from him. He wasn't even sending me fortune cookie length messages and this guy was co-writing songs with him? I couldn't get God to send me a postcard with, "wish you were here" on it and he was having a Hall and Oates moment with the Alpha and Omega. I felt hopeless.

But now, I realize that sometimes we put God in the liner notes of albums I don't think he had anything to do with. I know that in some sense, God is infused in everything in the world and as a Christian he should be woven in to every part of your day, but this kid's song was not that good. I mean, I've seen God's work. He made the Grand Canyon and the platypus, when he gets creative, he really gets creative. But sometimes, in a variation of throwing the God Card, we thank God for things I think he'd just as soon say, "whoa, whoa, whoa, that chorus is weak and don't even get me started on that bridge. Leave my name off that song champ."

#154. Breaking up after a retreat.
Next to unpacking, dumping your boyfriend or girlfriend is our favorite thing to do after a church retreat. We can't help it. The retreat speaker always tells us on Saturday night, "If there's anything you need to lay down before the cross tonight, to give up to God, come down and do it. Don't wait, this is your chance." And you are the first thing we think of. So we decide with our retreat friends that we are going to do it. This relationship is over. And then on Sunday afternoon when we get back, we call you and have the following conversation:

"The retreat was good, it gave me a lot to think about."

"Really? Like what?"

"Well, I think you and I have grown apart."

"You've been gone for 44 hours and were 119 miles away, what do you mean?"

"God just really laid it on my heart that I should focus on him and not this relationship."

"God told you to dump me?"

And so forth. The moral of this story is that if your girlfriend or boyfriend is going on a retreat, you better go too. Unless it's an all girl's retreat. And mission trips are even worse. Your girlfriend is going to start seeing Mark, that awkward but kind of cute guy, in a whole new light during that mission trip. It's a light called, "Look at Mark feed hungry children in Africa while my boyfriend plays Xbox back in Ohio."

Don't say I didn't warn you.

#119. Saying "In Christian Love" before you punch someone.
There's a subtle difference between "in christian love" and "bless her heart." When you say bless her heart, you're gossiping about someone behind their back but soften it a little with this phrase. In christian love is what you say when you want to tell someone they're horrible but you want it to feel like encouragement. Here's how it works:

"Jon, can I talk to you? I hope you can hear this in christian love, because that is how I intend it, from one friend to another, but I have to tell you, you suck. I felt convicted to tell you this so that you can grow in your not sucking."

It's a pretty versatile phrase though. This is what an 80-year old lady said to my friend who is single the other day:

"Sweetie, you need to get out and date. Do you think God wants you to be celibate for the rest of your life? I'm only asking in Christian love."

I love it, it's like this get out of jail free card we use every now and then to do what we want but still maintain a bit of Christian veneer.

#192. Using "love on" as a verb.
I really like this phrase. If this phrase was a girl I met in college I would ask her out after chapel, take her to Outback for a blooming onion and reasonably-priced steak dinner, and then go to a movie. Which in college was considered a 5-star date.

But in all seriousness, this is probably my favorite Christian phrase. Here's an example of how to use it: "Mark is going through some tough times right now, we really need to love on him."

See how tender and compassionate that sounds? It's lovely, but it can be a bit confusing. In the last decade, several other similar phrases have popped up. So, as a public service, I thought I would point out the difference between the "on phrases."

1. Eat on
Sometimes before a meal, someone will say, "I'm going to get my eat on." This usually means you are going to a Chinese buffet, often titled something like "Super Buffet." Remember not to waste your time on things like salad and bread. Skip those altogether and focused on anything fried.

2. Drink on
Sometimes before a big boozefest, someone will say, "I'm going to get my drink on tonight." This event usually involves malt liquor and making out with someone you would not usually make out with. I sincerely recommend that you do not in fact "get your drink on." SCL does not support bad making out in any situation.

3. Freak on
Sometimes before going dancing, someone will say, "I'm going to get my freak on tonight at the club." Nelly Furtado and Missy Elliot did a song called "Get ya freak on" so maybe the phrase picked up steam there. I think if more Christian marriages employed this phrase we'd have less divorce. Just a theory.

I could write and write and write, but my friend is going through some tough times and I need to go love on him. (See how awesome that phrase is?)

Saturday, May 30, 2009

I guess I've always been bitter.

I guess I had a year that I didn't blog once. Whatever...


Somewhere between STL and CLT

So, I went to Charlotte this past weekend. I mean, wouldn't you if you had a chance to get out of town with a $79 e-saver? Oh, please, I ain't no foo', I'm not going to pay retail for a plane ticket.
I got to Lambert airport at 11am on Saturday (I had to work that morning, so I couldn't leave earlier). Technology is such a great thing, you no longer need to talk to people to check your baggage. It's great for me, since, you know....I hate talking to people. Although, while I was checking in, I noticed that my name was SARAHR ROGERS ( they didn't put a space between my first name and my middle initial), but what really made me do a double take is what was written under my name. In bright red letters was ""BLIND PASSENGER"., let me see here...I've been told that I "must be deaf", because I'm, "not listening". Also, I've been called an "Ice Queen", since I'm so cold and unfeeling, but I've NEVER been called BLIND.
So, I stand there with a dumbfounded look on my face until the overly-friendly airline attendant asked how she could help me.
I respond by asking, "Why does this say 'blind' when I'm obviously not blind".
To which she responds, "I'm not sure, it doesn't matter though. I wouldn't worry about it."
Of course it matters! It matters because I now know that from this point on, I will always put that I have some kind of handicap. You know why? I can't state this loudly enough, so go ahead and read it out loud.


Score one for the chubby girl in seat(s) 2E AND 2F!
So, after my quick non-stop flight to Cha-town...I was on my way to good ol' Mooresville with Adam. We spent a lot of time at home (that's a lie, we spent many an hour at his friend Wesley's loft). I have to say, it is great to meet a new person that is not worried about offending people. I mean, how many times can you meet someone who will make you pee your pants from laughing at a handicap joke. Okay, I didn't pee my pants...but, I'll tell ya, it was close...I snorted a few times...and that's almost as embarrassing.
Adam and I also went to the mountains. You gotta love the mountains, there are always lots of cute little shops and tons of 62 year old women with bad taste in large groups. What is it about women in large groups? You know that they will either be shopping for ugly trinkets in a "General Store" or "Kraft Korner" or going to an awesome (that's for you, Mom!) Clay Aiken concert. Just so you know, these women were shopping...Clay Aiken was not in the mountains. I think my goal when I get to the age of 65 will be to avoid The Red Hat Ladies at all costs.
The 4 days in NC went way too quickly and I was on my way home last night. Again, I was a blind passenger and again...I had two seats to myself. I guess the extra seat is for my seeing eye dog. Whatever, I'll take it. The thing that this flight had that the other did not was a southern belle named Star. She was our flight attendant and a native of Charlotte. Her hair was dyed black and permed beyond recognition, although it was pulled up in a banana clip (not very neatly, might I add). She was one of THOSE flight attendants. It's hard to explain, so here's a few of her quotes from the flight (please imagine it in a southern accent):

"Welcome to US Airways Flight 2663 with service to St. Louis, ya'll. My name's Star and I'll be hosting on this flight this evening. God bless you for choosing US Airways for your flight. Please notice the 4 exits on the plane and keep your seat in the upright and uncomfortable position while departing and landing."
"Please put your shoes on for departure ma'am. If you think about it, it really makes since. Ya know? I mean, if the plane was going'd wanta have your shoes on to get off the plane" (enter in too sweet smile here)
*Now to this I thought to myself..."If the plane was going down, are my shoes going to save my life? No! I wanna die comfortably, stupid!"
"Welcome to St. Louis, ya'll! We know ya'll have a choice when ya'll fly and I'm SOO happy ya'll chose US Airways. If this is ya'lls home, welcome home. If this is for pleasure, enjoy your stay. Have a great night, ya'll and God bless."

Ahhhh...I never thought it would be so nice to touch down in St. Louis, it was a great feeling to never have to hear Star's voice again.

Friday, May 29, 2009

I swear I don't tan too much.

This story is STILL referenced to this day...


White is the new black...

So, I haven’t written on this thing for awhile, but quite honestly I haven’t had anything interesting to say (not that what I had to say before was all that interesting anyway).

This blog is dedicated to Carrie. If it weren’t for her asking the ingredients that go into hashbrown casserole, I wouldn’t have started craving hashbrown casserole, therefore I would not have gone to the store to buy the ingredients and this event would’ve never happened. ( about a run on sentence)

I’m just going down the aisle, staring at the different variety of potatoes (do you know how many different kinds of frozen potatoes there are?!?!?!) and a middle-aged black man walks in front of me. He stopped and turned to me and mumbled something. I wasn’t really paying attention, seeing that I was totally engrossed in my potato selection. Here is our exchange....

Him: mumble, mumble, mumble
Me: "I’m sorry?"
Him: "Are you black or white?"
Me: "What???"
Him: "I said, ARE YOU BLACK OR WHITE??!?!?"
Me: "Ummm...white."
Him: "Oh, from your coloring you looked black."

What do you say to that?
"Why yes, I AM looking a bit black today. Have a good day!"

Oh, how I hope that I don’t get pulled over tomorrow from all that racial profiling that is going around....

Thursday, May 28, 2009

It's Driving Me "NUTS".

Okay, okay...I realize that I probably watch too much TV, but I have to say...

That Alltel commercial where the curly-haired Sprint guy who talks in air quotes is really starting to get on my nerves. The first time I saw it, I thought to myself, "They totally stole that from Chris Farley!!"

Now that I've seen it 523 times, well...I just had to blog about it. 

Does anyone else see a problem with this???

Sorry I couldn't find the Alltel commercial for you to compare it with, but if you watch TV for longer than 34 minutes, I'm quite sure it will pop up. Just look for the guy totally stealing a dead man's comedy.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Lou-Lou (not Lulu) asked for this blog...

My sister-in-law asked for this blog not long after we got back from New York City last year, so it was written for her...


To My Laura-Lou: Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

I'm not even sure how to start this, but it was requested a couple weeks ago by my girl, Laura...and I never let my people down!
That is such a lie...I've been known to let quite of few people down. Although, I can say that I never TRY to let my people down. I suppose that would be a more correct statement. So...point being....SHOUT OUT TO LAURA!! YEAH, LAURA! THE MOTHER OF MY UNBORN NIECE, SADIE!!! SMOOCHES TO THAT UNBORN FETUS!!

A few weeks ago (more specifically, May 1st-May 5th) Laura, my beautiful mother, a bunch o' my mom's friends, and I went to NYC. Yes, THE New York City. Can you believe it? I'm somebody now! *insert Steve Martin dancing around with a phone book here* (I love that only a few of you will understand that reference)

The reason of this excursion was to see Clay Aiken (oh, yes...THAT Clay Aiken) in Monty Python's Spamalot, but it became so much more. I discovered myself. HA! Who are we kidding?!?!? I'm not that dramatic! What I did discover was my love of Broadway...and all the gays that make it so magnificent. I went to 4 shows during that long weekend. Can you guess what the common theme was in all of these musicals? Maybe I should name them for you...Spamalot, Glory Days, Altar Boyz, and Avenue Q. Anyone?!?! Common theme...ANYONE?

Well, you get a cookie if you guessed it right (just let me know, I'll mail it to you) every one of those musicals, there was a dramatic "outing" of a major character. No. I did not go see these shows just because of my love for the gay community. I honestly had no clue what 3 of the 4 shows were about. And even in Spamalot (who hasn't seen Monty Python???), I don't ever remember there being a gay, gay, GAY character.

So...back to the subject line o' my blog. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but...what is the deal with everyone needing to come out on Broadway!?!? I can handle it in 3 of the 4 shows I went to, but really?!? All four shows!?!? Oh, well. More power to 'em. Fight the good fight, peeps!

Lets all raise our glasses (I may be the only person that has one, so believe me when I say that I'm raising it) to:

-To my momma...oh, how I want to break out into some "Mama" by Boyz II Men. I'm sorry you got sick for the first time in 10 years. That really blew. But...doesn't it make a good story for 15 years from now when we can say, "Remember the time you turned really, really white in the middle of Times Square and I thought I was going to have to call an ambulance? Man! That was a good time!"

-To pleasantly surprised I was that my brother let you come with us. Not that he really has the ability to "allow" you to do anything, but're married and he didn't say "no"....which leads me to my next cheers-ing...

-To Seth....thanks for not saying "no" and actually pushing her out the door to do something fun for herself for once. Which, now that I think about it, is kind of odd...what did you guys end up doing that that weekend???

-To my momsie's's good to know that my mom is not the only person willing to travel a thousand miles to see Clay Aiken. It makes me feel less "different".

-To Starbucks....thanks for being on every dang corner!

-And finally, to the People of New York! (I've just always wanted to say that. They didn't really do anything too outstanding...except for not mugging me, I really appreciated that.)

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Beth's Flat Tire Story

I'm beginning the process of getting rid of my MySpace (well, I'll technically keep it for all of the stalking capabilities it allows, but I won't actually sign into it). The thing is...I don't want to lose my old blog, so for the next little bit I'll be transferring all of my old stories to this blog. I'm not sure how long this will take, but I appreciate your patience....


No. We're not from "around here".

So. I have to start off by saying that I blame myself. Beth blames Julie's ex-husband, Bryan...but I really just blame myself.

(Aren't you DYING to know what I blame myself for? If so, read on...)

The day started off quiet enough...Beth came to pick me up for tennis since she was in the area already and I was just lazy enough to let her. Julie had called us earlier to come down to her place in Charlotte and help her take care of some things, so I figured that I would just ride down there with Beth. The "some things" we had to take care of was going though Julie's box of wedding memories and either burn them or shred them or feed them to the dog or SOMETHING. Point is...there would be no more wedding memories. So, after about 2 hours of looking at pictures from her Roman Catholic wedding (which apparently makes the wedding more official being Roman Catholic and all) and drinking a couple glasses of wine, we made our way to the trash compactor. I would be lying if I said I didn't feel a tinge of pride as my girl threw her wedding dress and box of pictures in there. My favorite part of the whole evening was when I told Julie that she should really give her wedding dress away to the Goodwill, at which she replied, "How many 4'2" brides do you really think there are around here?"
Point taken.
Around 10:00, Beth and I decided to make our way back up north. About 15 minutes into our trip (I was in the middle of a fantastic story and of course, since it was a fantastic story...I was using big hand gestures, thus slightly distracting Beth), we suddenly hit a tire in the middle of the road. The hit was so forceful, it cracked Beth's windshield and flattened her left front tire. She managed to get the the side of the road and promptly asked, "So...should we call Thomas??" We should not call Thomas. Although there are many things in life I need (and very much appreciate) men for, changing a tire is not one of those things. Now, don't get me wrong...if there was one around, I would not be opposed to faking an inability to take care of the flat tire. Who REALLY wants to get their hands dirty?? But to actually make a man leave his house to come "save" me...well...not cool. If I'm going to play the damsel in distress, I promise that it will always be for something more interesting than a flat tire.
So after we changed Beth's tire (which, B, T, dub...was a full size tire...props to Beth for rockin' that), we went to check on the other 6 cars (SIX cars hit the same stupid tire in the middle of the road), to see if anyone needed help. The second car we came to had this girl (I later find out that her name is Sharon) sitting in the driver's seat with the widest eyes I'd seen in a long time. She was obviously freaked out and couldn't get anyone to come help her. So, Beth and I started helping her change her tire. Guess who decided to come help us once they saw that we were actually doing it on our own? Two men. Did they offer to help Sharon any time during the last half hour of her sitting there by herself? Of course not. But now, since 2 other girls have come to actually do something, they decided to interject. Were they GOOD at changing tires? No. They weren't. I believe that we could have gotten the whole thing done faster had they not been around. Here's why...
1. We were not wearing clothes that were very conducive to tire changing. Let me paint you a picture...Beth is bending down, trying to get the jack, well, jacked and there are two men staring at her back side. I'm not an idiot...I can totally see where their line of vision is headed, so I stand behind her...trying to block the "view".
2. They were SOOOOO slow. We ended up using Beth's jack, because they said that the other one didn't work. Really? A jack that CAME WITH THE CAR, didn't work? OH, REALLY!?!? Do you think that maybe it didn't work because they weren't using it right?

I'm not sure if Sharon appreciated my eye-roll and saying under my breath, "Men", but she was kind enough just to smile and say, "Thank you so much for helping me". Sweet girl, that Sharon.

So...while the guys were showing us how to do something that we did for ourselves not 10 minutes before, they said to us, " girls aren't from around here, are you? We knew that when we were watching you take the bolts off the car." were WATCHING us take the bolts off the car and then you decided to come help once we had that taken care of? CREEPY! AREN'T from "around here". We are from the Midwest...where we have parents that care enough about us to not let us be helpless females on the side of the road. Did we need you? No. Thanks for the friendly conversation while you are so blatantly staring at my butt. You're a pal.

So...I blame myself for the situation because I was being so flamboyant with my hands. Beth blames Bryan for being such a jerk of a husband that Julie needed to have a dramatic purging (PURGE!) of her wedding paraphernalia, thus taking us down to Charlotte in the first place.

Moral of the story:

Ladies....learn how to change a tire.

Guys...don't assume your gal doesn't know how to change her own dang tire.

Monday, May 25, 2009

J knows how to document...

Julie just uploaded her Vegas pictures and I realized that she took a lot more pictures than I did....The morning we went to Starbucks. Julie was sweet enough to offer to pay for everyone with her massive amount of Starbucks gift cards...and then the cashier told her that they don't accept Starbucks gift cards at that particular Starbucks. Poor J got shafted on that deal. I think this may be the only picture of all four of us.

This is just a portion of the Planet Hollywood Casino. That thing was MASSIVE and even after 3 nights of staying there, I still have no clue how to get back to the hotel room. You know...they should really provide a map. Maybe I'll write a letter to the Planet Hollywood people.

I had NO CLUE that drinking everywhere (seen here with Alison at a mall) in Vegas was legal. I contained my drinking to the hotel room, but major props to Alison for taking it out on the town...

Julie and I ventured out on our own one day and we made a deal with a British guy that if he took our picture, we'd take his. It reminded me of the story of when my dad and mom were in Canada and tried to make that same deal with some sweet little Asian girls. Those Asian girls didn't make that deal because they thought my dad wanted to steal their camera. Moral of the story: If you want someone to take your picture, make sure they speak's really hard to pantomime "Let me take a picture of you with your camera and then you can take a picture of me with my camera."

I didn't know that we were supposed to do something funny. Well...from the looks of it, Chris didn't realize that we WEREN'T supposed to do something funny. Oh, that Chris...sometimes it's just so hard for him to keep his comedy contained.

I have no idea why there is a picture of kissing people on the screen of the Paris hotel, but I don't think that picture changed once. That was a little weird.

One of those windows of the Planet Hollywood was our hotel room. Count 27 windows up and one of those is ours.

Those are the delicious margaritas from the first night. Can't you tell from the look on their faces that they were delicious??

It's sad that I'm looking at C's margarita in this picture and it's making me really, really want a strawberry milkshake. Is that odd??

I think I wasn't actually posing for this picture. I was just waiting very patiently for my giant sundae.

See?? It was GIANT. I was a little bummed that it was a mixture of chocolate and vanilla ice cream. If you know me pretty well, you know that I'm not a huge fan of chocolate ice cream (or pudding...or milk...or syrup...or...). So, no...I didn't eat the whole thing...C & J had some too (and I tried to bring some up to the room for A, but she was ill that night).

The night of our cheeseburger babies. Oh...those blessed cheeseburger babies. Sliders will now forever be referred to as cheeseburger babies...

The restaurant was a Hawaiian themed cheeseburger joint (appropriately named Cheeseburger), hence the pineapple.

Alison ate the pineapple and it made her happy.

Here's a picture of Alison showing off our chopstick skillz at Koi.

Okay. I think that's the end of our Vegas won't be hearing about it again (unless I missed some more pictures).

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Waking Up In Vegas

How appropriate that Vh1 Top 20 Countdown is featuring Katy Perry's "Waking Up In Vegas" this morning...go ahead and let this song play while you read about our 2009 trip to Vegas (I say "2009 trip to Vegas" like there is a "2008" and "2007" trip to Vegas...I assure you...there is not).
I stayed the night at Julie's on Monday night so I wouldn't have to sit in rush hour traffic in the morning. J was nice enough to leave a little early for me so that I could pick up "the PERFECT Vegas outfit" that my friend Lauren sent with our friend Jessica to the airport (she was leaving for Holland that same morning). Once I got through security and ran down to Jessica's terminal, I walked back up to security to meet Julie for breakfast at Chili's. Who knew that Chili's serves breakfast!?!? After breakfast, it was time to head to our terminal to catch our flight to Houston. I have to say...I don't think I've ever flown on Continental before, but I'm a fan. They actually give you a snack on the plane (that I was able to throw in my giant purse for a later time). I don't think I've EVER gotten beef jerky (let alone beef jerky, apple juice, crackers, cheese stuff, and a Kit Kat) on a US Airways flight...those cheap bastards. I'm glad that I didn't tell the stewardess that I didn't want the in-flight snack, because it totally came in handy one afternoon when I was the lone starving person in our hotel room. We got to Houston 3 hours later and met Chris (who had been in good ol' Kansas for a few days) at Chili's (of ALL places!) for lunch. After lunch, we made the long haul to our terminal. You know, if I never have to go to the George Bush International Airport again, it will be too soon. When we got on our flight, we found out that our in flight entertainment would be the movie Inkheart....which meant that MY in flight entertainment would be the book New Moon. We got to Vegas at 4pm, where Sam had a limo waiting for us. I guess she had told the limo driver that it was a surprise, so I had to fake surprise. I guess you could say that it was a surprise...3 months ago when she gave it to me for my birthday. I have no idea why I felt the need to act like I was surprised for a man that didn't even matter...I guess that says a lot about me, doesn't it? When we got to Planet Hollywood, we were lucky enough to stand in a line to check in that only took about 45 minutes. After we checked in, we went up to our room (the Addams Family room) to rest until Alison got in a few hours later. Julie and I had silly-fun times (that vaguely reminded me of the photo shoots I used to have with my girlfriends in high school) on the super comfy bed. I won't post all of those pictures (mainly because Julie and I have already decided that they are horrible and were promptly deleted). Some time during my shower, Alison arrived and brought a migraine with her, so she decided to stay in for the night while C, J, and I went to see the Cirque du Soleil show Zumanity at the New York New York hotel. Before the show, we had dinner at a Mexican restaurant where Julie and Chris had some delicious margaritas. The show was great, I enjoyed turning to C a few times during it and looking at the disgusted look on his face. The "host/ess" for the evening was this tranny who showed a bit too much butt and I don't think he was feelin' that too much (which was actually confirmed later). After the show, we made our way back to the hotel room to check on Alison. Poor thing had just gotten sick...nothing like coming to Vegas and having one of your nights be taken up with illness. Around 1am, we (minus Alison) went downstairs to the Planet Dailies restaurant to get something to eat. The waiter kept telling me that the ice cream sundae that I ordered was "really, really big". Ummm....wasn't that WHY I ordered it?? I have to of the best things about Vegas is that almost all of the restaraunts are open 24 hours a day. Wow...that really IS saying something about me, isn't it?

We started the day off in search of a Bank of America ATM. I asked at Guest Services where the nearest BofA ATM was and she said that it was 3 blocks down the street, on the second floor of the M&M Store (random, right??). I told Julie and Chris that I would just run down there really quick and be back to PH soon....they laughed and said that we'd all go. Apparently, I didn't get the memo that Vegas blocks are not the same as NYC blocks. It took about an hour to walk from Planet Hollywood to the ATM (which was NOT on the second floor, it was on the FOURTH floor...that Guest Services lady was such a liar). Mainly because we took our sweet time shopping and taking pictures of M&Ms. After our 3 block adventure, we went back to have lunch at PF Changs. Thanks to Alison's keen eye, we saw Holly Madison (of Girls Next Door fame) sitting two booths down from ours.
The experience was slightly overshadowed by the absolutely nuts waitress who informed us that it was her birthday and she was happy that she was able to go home at lunch and pick up her birthday presents and that she doesn't have a TV (so she didn't know who Holly Madison was)...or something like that. All I know is that it was her birthday and she didn't know how to be a good waitress. Right before 2, Chris left PF Changs to go to his poker tournament and Alison, Julie, and I went shopping and then back to our room to rest. I wanted to finish my book, so I took a 2 hour bath. After Chris got back and they coaxed me out of the bathtub, we went shopping, gambling, and ate cheeseburger babies at a restaurant appropriately named Cheeseburger. Late that night, Alison, Chris, and I sat at the 2 cent slots where Alison won $38 (that's a lot of money when you're at the 2 cent slots) and then managed to lose it. It's a lesson in life....if you are $38 ahead on a 2 cent've gone as far as you're going to go on a 2 cent slot. After that excitement, we went upstairs and inadvertently woke up Julie. I feel a little bit bad about it, but not TOO bad, since in her frustration she went downstairs and won $265. I wish any time I was frustrated, something like that would happen to me.

When I took a shower on Thursday morning, I realized that I was using my last pair of underwear (I don't think I've EVER not packed enough...I didn't realize that I would be taking about 38 showers and 1 bath in Vegas), so I was pleased that there was a Victoria's Secret in the mall attached to our hotel. Chris had gone to yet another poker tournament (where he got 3rd place....or 5th place...or 3rd....anywhoozles, it was an odd number and he won money). When I walked into the Victoria's Secret, the sales lady was very enthusiastic about their new 7-way bra and I guess I wasn't in the mood, so I mocked her. I think I just smiled and said, "All right!!!", but she responded with, "Are you mocking me?". Whoops. Right about the time that I went into the VS, Alison decided that she needed to take care of some stuff up in our hotel room, so Julie and I decided that we'd walk to various casinos. We started at the Paris Hotel and Casino, where I started with $5 and won about $40. We then moved on to Caesar's Palace...that's where I became friends with the Wheel of Fortune slots. I won about $90 on one slot and then Julie and I decided to continue being slot-hos. We would spend about $5 on a slot and then move on to the next slot. At that point, I was up about $160. Not bad, seeing that I started the day with $5. We're not going to discuss how I lost all of that money (that night in PH), but this is where the phrase "stop while you're ahead" comes into play. While in Caesar's Palace, Alison and Chris came to meet us for lunch, so we walked to Cheesecake Factory.
After lunch, we walked back to the hotel room (stopping along the way at a variety of places like the Bellagio and a giant ice cream sundae) and got ready for our entertainment for the evening. We had decided to go to Peepshow (with Mel B and Kelly Monaco!). The show was pretty good, but I felt like I had seen the show already since the video screens in our hotel had been showing clips from it over and over and over (and over and over and over) again. After the show we decided that we'd use our free drink coupons at Koi (a sushi place with not good service and didn't even let us use our free drink coupons). Later that night we decided to walk across the street (or to the corner of the street) to watch the Bellagio fountains and then gamble just a little more. When we walked up to our room late that night, we realized that we were starving (you know, after our huge meal of sushi earlier in the evening), so I walked down in my quilty pants to the Planet Dailies restaurant with Julie's winnings in hand (Thanks, J!) and ordered some heartburn inducing food. At 2am, C went down to his final poker tournament while the rest of us passed out.

I woke up at 5am to take a shower before the limo came to pick us up at 6:15. It was so sad leaving that hotel. The limo driver kept trying to make conversation about how we must have made a lot of money on our trip, because that is the only reason people take a limo to the airport. I was too tired to explain to him that there is another reason why people take limos to the airport and that reason includes very inventive friends giving birthday gifts (thanks again, Sam!!!!). After standing in a huge line at the airport, spending my last $20 cash on slot machines (yeah...I'll never learn) and saying goodbye to Alison, we were on our way back to Houston (dreaded Houston). The flight into Houston didn't seem that long...they played He's Just Not That Into You and I psuedo-slept. Once we got into Houston, wears me out just thinking about it. We walked and walked and walked and walked to our connecting flight and boarded our plane, just to have them deboard us because there was a problem with the plane. We waited around for a little over an hour until they got a new plane to take us home. That flight seemed like it lasted about 5 hours and was kind of a blur. I just know that we left the hotel at 6:15am and I didn't walk in my door back Charlotte until 9pm. Remind me...the next time I go to Vegas, a direct flight is definitely needed.

And just an FYI...the Trevi Fountain is in Rome. Just so you know.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Breaking the Laws of America and Other Random Shenanigans

So's been about a month since I've blogged. What can I say? I've been busy!

Let me see, where do I start?? Well, I guess the beginning would be a good place...

The Asheville/Nashville/Ray Lamontagne/Dave Matthews/Jason Mraz Trip

About 4 weeks ago, I took a Friday off and had a very concerty weekend. C, J, and I went up to Asheville first for the Ray Lamontagne concert. I wish I had blogged about it before, because my memory is a little foggy (heck, my memory gets a little foggy after about 3 minutes). We got to our classy hotel around 3. We got there around 3 (instead of 1ish like I was thinking) because we had slight issues with needing to be fed and not having a working GPS. The nice man at the check in offered us a free jambalaya dinner at 6pm. Really?!? Jambalaya at the Asheville Days Inn??? thanks. I don't think I'd even be a fan of jambalaya in New Orleans, I'm not going to let a Days Inn lobby be my first real jambalaya experience.
We hung out in our room for a little bit. I was able to feast on Sugar Free Red Bull and about 10 Charleston Chew Minis before J accidentally spilled the entire box on the floor. Well...she said it was an accident, but I know how she really felt about those delicious little nuggets of goodness. I tend to be disgusting in many aspects of my life, but I draw the line at eating off of a hotel room floor (well...unless it was mashed potatoes on the hotel room guys know how I feel about mashed potatoes).

I was just sitting here trying to remember how I got the Sugar Free Red Bull and then it popped into my head. Julie and I ventured out and found a Food Lion! Food Lion is not nearly as fun as a Harris Teeter, but houses Sugar Free Red Bull, so it can't be THAT bad, right?? I vaguely remember singing Ray Lamontagne songs (quite loudly) into one of those beverages in the car. Yes. I made a Sugar Free Red Bull a microphone. Wow...I'm inventive.
We left the hotel room around 6 to go to dinner and when we were almost there, Julie said, "Oh! I forgot the tickets back at the hotel room!"
I thought she was kidding. She was not....not even a little bit. So we went back to the hotel room and decided that we would just get dinner after the concert.
The concert was definitely in my top 5 concerts of my life (and that's saying a lot, since I'm somewhat of a concert whore). We found a lovely place to eat after the concert ( and went back to the hotel to sleep (mmm...sleep).
The next morning we made our way to meet my mom in Nashville for the Dave Matthews/Jason Mraz concert at Vanderbilt Stadium. We met for lunch at...wait...what was the name of that place??? Oh was really good, that's all I can remember. One of Julie's coworkers met us there, too (it must be nice to have coworkers throughout the country that you can ask for suggestions to delicious places to eat at). After lunch, we went to our "suite". I say "suite" because it technically had two bedrooms...but I don't think anything can actually be considered a suite until it has more than one TV. I did enjoy the fridge/stove/microwave combo, though. That was handy for, well....the stove and microwave didn't really help me out in any way, but the fridge (more specifically, the FREEZER) was super-handy for keeping my vodka cold.

My mom took a nap after lunch and we left for the concert around 6. It said on the tickets that the concert (which was only 8 miles away) started at 6, but we decided that it would be good to skip the traffic and the opening act and make it for Jason Mraz and Dave Matthews. Yeah. Bad idea.
After sitting in traffic and trying to find parking spot, we made it for the very end of Jason Mraz's set. Seriously!?!? We drove to Nashville to MISS who we went to see (okay...went to see other than my mom...we actually went to Nashville to see you, mom)!??!
Oh...and not to forget...this wasn't a small was in a freaking stadium. Chris was the lucky guy that got to sit next to the drunk douchebag in the pink polo shirt. He (the drunk douchebag, not Chris) kept dancing like a freaking fool and stepping on C's shoes. Chris (being Chris) didn't say anything about how irritating that it was to the guy, he just made faces (see picture). Ahhh...classic C.
About halfway through Dave's set, we decided that we would go get some dinner. Apparently, Nashville is not the place to go when you want to eat at 10pm. We walked the entire strip of Music Row and finally found an Irish Pub that was serving food (or so they said). We were informed once we had been sitting for what seemed like 45 minutes that they were out of almost everything on the menu. My favorite moment was when my mom said, "Okay...just bring me something that you do have."
Julie had a cheeseburger (I think), Chris and I split a club sandwich (with only ham, because they were out of turkey), and my mom had an "Irish Sampler Platter". Seriously...the guy chose a stupid sampler platter as one of the few things they had left on the menu. Poor mom.
After that super-great dinner, we went back to the hotel and slept off our awesome experiences. The next morning, we left pretty early and started the trek back to good ol' Charlotte. We stopped for lunch at Steak n Shake (even THEY are making sliders these days, YAY!!!!) and got back to my house around 6.

Like a fool, I took a quick shower and met Mike, Thomas, and Beth down at the Visualite Theatre to see the Josh Kelley concert. I was so tired of driving at that point that I had to fight back tears as I was making my way downtown. I'm very happy that I went to that concert (it was pretty great), but I really wish that it had happened a week later (you I didn't fall asleep during the concert).

Okay. I was going to write this blog to catch you up on what's happened in the last month, but I'm thinking that Vegas needs to come at another time. Sorry.