Somewhere between STL and CLT
So, I went to Charlotte this past weekend. I mean, wouldn't you if you had a chance to get out of town with a $79 e-saver? Oh, please, I ain't no foo', I'm not going to pay retail for a plane ticket.
I got to Lambert airport at 11am on Saturday (I had to work that morning, so I couldn't leave earlier). Technology is such a great thing, you no longer need to talk to people to check your baggage. It's great for me, since, you know....I hate talking to people. Although, while I was checking in, I noticed that my name was SARAHR ROGERS (whatever...so they didn't put a space between my first name and my middle initial), but what really made me do a double take is what was written under my name. In bright red letters was ""BLIND PASSENGER". Hmmm...now, let me see here...I've been told that I "must be deaf", because I'm, "not listening". Also, I've been called an "Ice Queen", since I'm so cold and unfeeling, but I've NEVER been called BLIND.
So, I stand there with a dumbfounded look on my face until the overly-friendly airline attendant asked how she could help me.
I respond by asking, "Why does this say 'blind' when I'm obviously not blind".
To which she responds, "I'm not sure, it doesn't matter though. I wouldn't worry about it."
IT DOESN'T MATTER!?!?!?!?
Of course it matters! It matters because I now know that from this point on, I will always put that I have some kind of handicap. You know why? I can't state this loudly enough, so go ahead and read it out loud.
THEY PUT ME IN THE FRONT OF THE PLANE AND THEY DIDN'T SIT ANYONE NEXT TO ME!!!
Score one for the chubby girl in seat(s) 2E AND 2F!
So, after my quick non-stop flight to Cha-town...I was on my way to good ol' Mooresville with Adam. We spent a lot of time at home (that's a lie, we spent many an hour at his friend Wesley's loft). I have to say, it is great to meet a new person that is not worried about offending people. I mean, how many times can you meet someone who will make you pee your pants from laughing at a handicap joke. Okay, I didn't pee my pants...but, I'll tell ya, it was close...I snorted a few times...and that's almost as embarrassing.
Adam and I also went to the mountains. You gotta love the mountains, there are always lots of cute little shops and tons of 62 year old women with bad taste in large groups. What is it about women in large groups? You know that they will either be shopping for ugly trinkets in a "General Store" or "Kraft Korner" or going to an awesome (that's for you, Mom!) Clay Aiken concert. Just so you know, these women were shopping...Clay Aiken was not in the mountains. I think my goal when I get to the age of 65 will be to avoid The Red Hat Ladies at all costs.
The 4 days in NC went way too quickly and I was on my way home last night. Again, I was a blind passenger and again...I had two seats to myself. I guess the extra seat is for my seeing eye dog. Whatever, I'll take it. The thing that this flight had that the other did not was a southern belle named Star. She was our flight attendant and a native of Charlotte. Her hair was dyed black and permed beyond recognition, although it was pulled up in a banana clip (not very neatly, might I add). She was one of THOSE flight attendants. It's hard to explain, so here's a few of her quotes from the flight (please imagine it in a southern accent):
STAR ON DEPARTURE:
"Welcome to US Airways Flight 2663 with service to St. Louis, ya'll. My name's Star and I'll be hosting on this flight this evening. God bless you for choosing US Airways for your flight. Please notice the 4 exits on the plane and keep your seat in the upright and uncomfortable position while departing and landing."
STAR TALKING TO A PASSENGER IN FRONT OF ME:
"Please put your shoes on for departure ma'am. If you think about it, it really makes since. Ya know? I mean, if the plane was going down...you'd wanta have your shoes on to get off the plane" (enter in too sweet smile here)
*Now to this I thought to myself..."If the plane was going down, are my shoes going to save my life? No! I wanna die comfortably, stupid!"
STAR ON ARRIVAL:
"Welcome to St. Louis, ya'll! We know ya'll have a choice when ya'll fly and I'm SOO happy ya'll chose US Airways. If this is ya'lls home, welcome home. If this is for pleasure, enjoy your stay. Have a great night, ya'll and God bless."
Ahhhh...I never thought it would be so nice to touch down in St. Louis, it was a great feeling to never have to hear Star's voice again.