Sunday, May 15, 2011

How to not wait tables...

Chris came into town this week for a visit. Not surprisingly, we went on a tour of a variety of restaurants around the Charlotte area. I was a little proud of myself that I had made reservations at a few places (I'm not really known as the girl that makes decisions), but unfortunately, the reservations that I had made had to be canceled for one reason or another. No worries, though...we made our way to a few of Chris' favorite places.

The first place we had dinner was at Cantina 1511, so I'm not terribly surprised that when we made our way to Wild Wing Cafe in the Epicentre the next night for dinner, there was a distinct fall in the awesomeness of service.

To be fair, I had already had a pretty intense day at work, sustaining myself on Diet Coke, almonds and a venti Starbucks iced coffee throughout the entire day. I have learned that living on a diet of caffeine and protein is probably not the best for keeping a positive outlook on life.

The waiter came over and it became quite apparent that he was a 18 year old kid that was convinced that he was meant to be an actor. He introduced himself by saying that we could call him either "Darnell" (or was it Darrell??), "short guy" something-or-other, or "black kid in the red shirt" since "we were the ones tipping him" (Isn't rule #1 in waiting tables that you don't talk about tipping with the people you are serving? I hate when people pick up the book with the check in it and say, "Do you need change?"....this kid was like 12 steps beyond that...). With a lack of caring what he was rambling about, I let him carry on and counted down the seconds until he would bring us our drinks and take our order.

It was agreed upon that we (Simon, Chris, and I) would order 25 boneless wings and split them. The guys were kind enough to order boneless wings, because I'm not a fan of gnawing meat off a bone. The server wanted to make a stupid joke about every single thing we said. When Chris ordered Ranchilada flavored boneless wings, he told us a story about a woman ordering them before...and then asked, "What flavor did you want?"
Dude. You just told us a stupid story about a woman ordering RANCHILADA wings.

That should have been a clue that our order was not going to be right. When the wings came, they were the good ol' bone-in buffalo wings. When the kid came over to ask us how everything was, I told him that we wanted boneless wings and he disagreed with us! Ummmm...no...I'm pretty sure we said that we wanted boneless wings. I explained that the guys would happily eat bony wings, but I would need a menu to order something that I would eat. He then proceeded to ask me how I eat fish if I don't eat things where I have to eat off of a bone. Dude...I don't eat fish with a bone in it...nor does anyone on the planet pick up a fish and gnaw the fishy part off of tiny fish bones. Idiot.

I had hit my limit on redonkulousness long before this kid started questioning my food choices, but the guys hit their limit when they ordered Firefly vodka and he brought them back a fruit salad, with a side of Firefly vodka. He was so proud that he garnished the drinks himself. There is nothing quite like a rocks glass filled with cherries, orange, lime, and lemon slices.

While the boys were picking chunks of fruit out of their glasses, I asked idiot short black kid in the red shirt (that isn't racist...he told us to call him that, well...not the idiot part) to bring us a cheesecake chimichanga. He asked, "The cheesecake?"
No, dude....the cheesecake chimichanga.

WHY WAS I SURPRISED THAT HE GARNISHED THE DESSERT HIMSELF, AS WELL!?!?
While usually there is a nice glaze of caramel on a cheesecake chimichanga, this guy brought us the dessert sitting in a pool of chocolate syrup and raspberry sauce all over it. Awesome.

When we asked for our check, he told us the story of how he just got a 30 cent tip from another table. He gave us a high five when he was telling us his belief that we wouldn't do that to him. I just have to say...although I'm a big fan of tipping no matter what, he is VERY lucky that Chris paid for the entire meal. There is zero doubt in the world that he was far kinder to the kid than I ever would be.

Other than that horrid experience, I had a great time while Chris was in town. I just won't return to WWC - Epicentre until enough time has elapsed so that kid has either been let go to "explore other employment opportunities" or moved to California to chase his dream of being, well...probably a homeless actor.

3 comments:

The Rogers said...

It takes dedication to be that stupid...how does someone get EVERYTHING so wrong?

saucybellum said...

How did everything go so wrong...and HOW DID THE KID NOT REALIZE THAT EVERYTHING WAS SO WRONG!?!?!?! I wanted to high five him across his face.

whatnot said...

Yay! A new blog! Actually, my favorite part is your comment to The Rogers..."I wanted to high five him across his face." I may have to use that line some day. Just giving you advance notice of my plagiarism.