Jerkface.

Dear Mark McGwire,

Did you seriously just accept the position of hitting coach for the Cardinals and then turn around and admit steroid use?? I hope Jack Buck spits on you from heaven.

Love,
Sarah

PS. When you hugged Roger Maris' family after your 62nd home run, I hope you didn't burn them with your leathery devil skin.

Is it just me or...

...does Kate Gosselin have a mullet???

One more question: Why do I care???

Okay. I don't REALLY care, it's just that the moment I saw the cover of People magazine I honestly thought it was a joke. Good one, People magazine, good one...

Group Power

Last night I went with a variety of people to Tyber Creek Pub for some "Chris' BFF Bryan is in town from Wichita and we have to show him that Charlotte is the bee's knees" festivities.

There were a few great moments of the night including Bryan ordering a tonic and a water...thus resulting in the bartender handing him a glass of water and a glass of tonic water (I think he meant to order the tonic with vodka or something...or maybe he just doesn't realize that in Charlotte we don't know Kansas' super-secret bartending language). Nevertheless, Chris made him step aside and showed him how the new-fangled thing called "drink orderin'" is done in the south.

I was about 3 and a half drinks in when Beth said, "So...after our run tomorrow morning, we're going to do a group power class."
It was definitely more of a statement than a question.

Fast forward to this morning:
I managed to wake up, run a few errands, and get to the gym. The 5K training was brutal (for me, at least...Beth and Mikey were definitely on the ball, probably because they left the bar at an appropriate time the night before) and Beth chipperly says, "So...group power after this?? I promise, you'll feel better after it."

Little did Beth know that this hour long class was being led by a lady that sounded so familiar that I couldn't quite put my finger on it....until 30 minutes into the class when I realized she sounded exactly like Amy Poehler did when she did the Kaitlin character on SNL a few years ago. She was almost as spaztic, too ("Oh! Does anyone know how to work an iPod?" and "Does anyone know the choreography for this routine?" is just a sampling of her awesomeness).

(Here is a classic Kaitlin sketch if you want to get a taste of what we were dealing with today)



Two things I noticed while group powering:

1. The one guy in the class is a very, very smart man. What guy wouldn't want to be perfectly positioned in 3rd row center? Only the really group power-y chicks get in the first two rows, so it only makes sense that a guy would choose to be behind them, right?

2. The pregnant chick straight up owned us ("us" as in "the entire class"). I have a feeling that she's going to be that kind of mom.


I'm going to go ahead and throw out there that I'm glad that the Group Power class instructor changes weekly. Sorry, blonde instructor lady who counts very oddly, but I prefer someone that knows how to use an iPod.

Fix Me.

So it's the beginning of the year. Heck...it's the beginning of a new decade. I have been asked roughly 732 times what my New Year's resolution is going to be. It actually hadn't occurred to me to have a resolution until the first person asked me (I won't name any names here, ahem...Beth). I was tempted to answer with an awesomely smart-arse answer like, "I want to figure out a way to rock glitter leggings. Yes, glitter leggings....maybe with those ankle bootie shoes that are half boot/half high heeled shoe/all fad."

In reality, it got me thinking. What SHOULD my resolution be?

I am going to be 100% honest (well, honestly sarcastic) here and say that since I was old enough to stand on a scale and read magazines about how "normal" girls weigh 97 pounds, it's been my resolution to lose 50 pounds in a year...every year since the age of 14. Have I ever succeeded in my goal? Of course not. I never actually had a plan. I just put it out there in the world that I was going to be a slip of a gal and I believed with my whole heart that the world would somehow answer back with a 50 pound weight loss overnight.

I want this year to be different. Not in terms of weight loss. I am refusing to make a resolution. I'm making goals (which actually by definition could mean "resolution", but I'm refusing to call them "resolutions"...keep up with me, please). I'm quite sure you don't care what these goals are, but you'll get to read about a few of them now (unless you click out of this blog...which is fine with me. In the words of Bobby Brown...it's your prerogative.)

Run a 5K - Even typing that is scary to me. I remember being in the 9th grade and being forced by a drill sergeant of a woman to complete 1 mile in under 15 minutes. Okay, that is exaggerating a little bit. The "drill sergeant" was actually quite nice and she didn't make me do it in under 15 minutes because I had a "heart condition" (quick word of advice to any 9th graders out there being forced to run...always blame it on a heart condition and never on asthma. Gym teachers laugh at asthma, but they will never mess with a heart condition. Something about wanting to keep their jobs and not get sued or something...).

This is actually supposed to be a goal on the way to a much larger goal of a half marathon in May. THAT is a laughable goal to me, but we'll see how the 5K thing goes first. A more manageable goal is that the 5K is a stop on the way to my next goal of...

The Mud Run- I posted the mud run to this very blog a few months ago. I have 2 people that will definitely do it with me, so if we find one more person...it's on. I'm just thanking sweet baby Jesus that I have 9 more months to prepare for that one.

Be Like Mike- There is not a person on this earth that can say a bad thing about Mike Grosz. To be honest with you, if you did...I'd have to muster every bit of strength that I have and beat you up. I think he has won the Nicest Guy in the World Award for 9 years running. I said to Jackie the other day that I wanted to be more like Mike...I would love for people to have not one bad thing that they could say about me. She laughed at me (when the people that know you the best laugh at the statement "I want to be a nicer person.", it's a bad sign...). She responded with, "Sarah, no one is asking you to be like anybody else, they just want you to be a better you." Touche, Jackie...touche. Which brings me to my next goal of...

Be Wise- It is well known that I work next to a very wise person every day. She's quiet and unassuming and then she'll drop a knowledge bomb on your butt so fast that you'll need a few days to recover. I know that being wise isn't something that can be learned, but I can learn to make wiser decisions. I need to realize there are people who are worth fighting for and there are people who aren't worth the effort. I need to realize that being malnourished isn't always about a lack of food. It is always easier to look at someone else's life and tell them, "It's so easy, just (fillintheblankwithwhatiseasyforyoubutreallyreallyhardforthepersonyou'retalkingto)." The hard part is being able to look at your own life, recognize what you need to change and finding the courage to change it. I want to be wise enough to know what I need to change.

I can guarantee that I won't succeed at every one of my goals this year, but I can guarantee that I will be a better person today than I was yesterday and I'll be a better person in two weeks than I am right now.

Oh, and I'd like to lose 50 pounds this year.

(It wouldn't be a new year without a weight loss resolution. There, world...now you can reward my dedication to proclaiming weight loss as my goal with a 50lb weight loss over night. Thanks. You're swell.)

Things you do while waiting for a flight...

As I type this, I am at Charlotte Douglas International Airport hearing the deep cough of a man I am 92% sure has some form of contagious respiratory infection. Am I concerned? Possibly. Should I move? Definitely. Am I going to? Nah...I already have my butt firmly planted in one of the extra wide leather seats (Why do they provide extra wide leather seats while waiting for a plane? It only causes major disappointment when you get on the actual plane and you have roughly a centimeter between you and your coughing neighbor...) and I'm too darn lazy to move. There is also a smell wafting through the air that is a combination of body odor and Bojangles. Of course, that smell is pretty much standard at this airport, so there really is no avoiding it.

Yesterday there was a picture on Facebook posted by Thomas. It was of the security line at the airport. To be perfectly honest, it scared me just a little bit. It looked as if the line stretched on for miles and I thought that possibly I should get here 3 hours early for my flight to Boston. Do you want to guess how long it took me to get through security and to my gate? Eight minutes. Eight. Do you know what that makes you? Lucky. (I know you're wondering why you're lucky. You are lucky because now you have a blog to read. See? Lucky you.)

As I'm typing this, I can't help but get distracted by my shoes. Why my shoes? (And why am I asking so many questions in this blog? I don't know...) Because the moment I walked into Chris' apartment to have him drive me to the airport he said, "Ummm...what are those?"
When I explained that they are my work flats that I don't wear anymore and I needed to wear flats when I wasn't sure how much walking would be done in Boston, he replied with, "Oh." and then later, "Make sure you burn those after your trip. Okay...maybe not burn them, someone will need them. Give them to a homeless person or something."

So here I am, writing a completely random blog, staring at my shoes that someone on this earth believes should be burned, and listening to a hacking cough. What could be better? Not much...I'll tell you that. Oh no...it does get better. I had my purse sitting on the seat next to me and someone just asked if someone was sitting there (yes, my purse thankyouverymuch). I moved it and guess who decided to start chomping ice. Classic.

I honestly didn't mean to type out a complaint blog. My bad.

But seriously...are they going to let this coughing guy board the plane? Thank God I got my swine flu shot.

Okay...so maybe it's a little late...

What do you mean it's almost been two months since Halloween???

I thought that I would get in the mood to write "any day now" for about that long and it seems as though "any day now" went into hiding, because I'm still not feeling it. My creative juices have been sucked dry and I can't really figure out why. So you're getting yet another lazy blog.

It shouldn't be a surprise that I don't remember what Beth was laughing at.

Check out the hand placement on the small of Beth's back. Check out the strawberry being fed to Beth. I think someone hearts Beth.


I loved this picture. There is nothing like an enthusiastic high five to make you feel good about life.


This may be the first ever heads touching picture of Jackie and Sarah. It was bound to happen at some point.

Is it wrong that I wished Gary got his head stuck in there? Yes?? Crap.


I'm still trying to figure out how he wrote MacGregor so amazingly...

Don't you wish you came to this rockin' party? No?? Crap.

The Brothers Grosz

You can tell it was an awesome party from the amount of pictures of Gary that were taken. He only comes out when the party really starts. Or when there are boys around (I still can't figure that one out).

Kelly came from work. She totally got a pass on the whole costume thing.

I'm quite sure they both had a lot of cat hair on them after getting off of Gary's chair. I probably should have warned them. Whoops.

I still have that bag of ice in my freezer.

Adam stopped by for about 15 minutes. I actually had no clue he was coming and when he walked in, I couldn't figure out who it was for about 5 seconds (which feels like an eternity when there is a strange man standing in your living room). Come to think of it, Halloween would be a great time for serial killers to come into random Halloween parties and murder people. Wow. It's quite scary that I just had that thought...it's even scarier that I had that thought and I'm still posting it to my blog.


And finally...
The question of the night:
Who was Chris supposed to be?

It was actually quite a brilliant costume. He was Charlie from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (No...not Charlie Brown. I can't remember who asked me that...)

See the resemblance now? Great, right?

This HAS to be a joke.

No. Seriously. It has to be a joke.

Wait. It's not? CBS is serious?? Are they really using a combination of Hanukkah, pap smears, and Jewish jargon to make it seem as if they care about women's health?

Or do they just care about Jewish women's health???

I can't wait to see what they come up with for Christmas.